DFTFC

It came. It went. It was awesome. The first Marquette trip is in the books and I want to go back...right now! A couple times a year, six of us load up in the Denali (that’s right) and head east to Milwaukee, WI to watch Danny Fitzgerald & company. D-Fitz is the brother of my boy Kevin Fitzgerald, who starts for the currently 11th ranked Marquette Golden Eagles basketball team.

Side note: Dan Monson wanted nothing to do with D-Fitz. A great recruiter that Monson guy. He was right to pass on him because when we were going 8-21, scoring 45 points a game, a 6’9” local kid who has a knack for keeping possessions alive and can drain the three couldn’t have helped us. Great call.

This trip is the closest thing I get to being a jersey chaser. I realize I’m a dude and they’re dudes, but when you’re in the VIP players lounge after the game with big time division one athletes, you get a little caught up in the moment. Sorry.

After the jump, you’ll be reading a running diary of what transpired on our trip. I know this is a rip-off of ESPN’s Bill Simmons, but it’s still considered just a diary. Christ, little girls and sexually confused boys have been writing & stashing diaries underneath their mattresses for years. I’m not stealing.

Readers note: This is very long.

There is so much to love about the Marquette trip. One of the top reasons is the email string we have in the week prior between the six of us. We had 183 emails between us this week. No joke. Pretty much 183 reasons for our bosses to send us packing. Trust me, it’s worth it. Nothing like coming back from lunch with 12 new nonsense emails with the title: “Milwaukee to MN!”

Three goals for the trip were:
1) To crash “Trainfest.” A true sign you’re heading to Wisconsin with an event called “Trainfest.” Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson crash weddings with beautiful women. We crash train set model conventions. I don’t see a difference. Anyways, it’s the largest operating model railroad convention in the nation and it was in Milwaukee this same weekend. I can’t believe we got this lucky.
2) To see “Freeway” again. Freeway is an actual person. He’s a Milwaukee staple that’s a big sports fan. He hangs around the main sports bar in town (Major Goolsby’s) and yells stuff like: “Yooouuu bet” and “God Damnit” in the middle of the bar. He’s a piece of work.
3) To drink. A lot.

Fitz gave us the nickname DFTFC about two years ago. It stands for “Dan Fitzgerald Traveling Fan Club.” We even have shirts and think we’re really cool.

The fan club has expanded but the six of us are the originals. The originals are (using names we call each other): Fitz, Sneff, Hill, Q & Fuzz. You’ll see we’re missing a soldier. His name is Dogg. He couldn’t make this trip and it’s really a downer because Dogg brings a lot entertainment to the trip. He’s one of those guys who can’t stop running his mouth about everything. He’s full of non-stop bullshit. A lot of funny stories from this cat though. Hopefully, we can make up for his absence. In an effort for you folks not to feel slighted, Q will be breaking in with “game breaks.” Kind of like Fox’s NFL game breaks, Q will be coming at you with his “game breaks.” I’m sure I missed stuff, so he’s going to be adding some of his babble on what transpired.

*Game Break: The other reason I’ll be stopping in to comment occasionally? Because someone has to call out Fuzz on the stupid/ridiculous stuff he does this weekend. I will now begin channeling my inner Curt Menefee.

Saturday November 10th

6:09am: Game Day!!! I’m up and I’m happy as a teenager finding his first pube. Game time is more then 12 hours away and we have a five-hour drive ahead of us but I don’t give a shit. It’s game day!

*Game Break: You know you’re excited about something when you get up earlier than you do during the work week and are jacked about it. Personally, I got up at 5:40 am, got in a quick workout (sort of), showered, and ran an “errand”.

6:15am: I was thinking about this in the shower. If I’m this jacked about a team that I had no connection too until five years ago and who is playing the creampuff IUPUI tonight, what the hell am I going to be like once Tubby gets the Gophers rolling? I’m scared. Being “that guy” where I’m sleeping on a cold sidewalk because I don’t want to lose my spot in line for tomorrows “big game” tickets is not out of the question. It’s cool if you’re 20 and drunk doing this with your college cronies. Not so cool when you’re drunk doing it at 30 years old and alone. Well, maybe not alone because I know Q will come with me.

*Game Break: Obviously...

6:21am: Q, who is also my roommate decided to grab some Latte’s for us before we head off to Fitz’s house to take off to Milwaukee together. How cute? I can’t wait to hit up a “Curves” on the way out too. Not a good start to our man’s weekend. Most men this weekend are sitting in plywood deer stands hunting animal with a gun. We’re sipping Latte’s with brown sleeves so our hands don’t get burned. We’ll bounce back from this, I promise.

Side note: It was my idea to get a Latte. I threw Q under the bus but I need to be honest. I like them and I’m not apologizing for this.

6:58am: We arrive at Sneff’s house who has now been named “Huey” by me. I don’t know why I gave him this name, but since we were all waiting for him impatiently, it seemed fitting to call him Huey. I think the name will stick. Huey navigates Fitz to Hwy. 94 and says: “Alright you’re going to take this until you hit Milwaukee.” It’s 310 miles away. I don’t know where we’d be without Huey.

7:23am: Ooop, here we go. First line was just dropped. Fitz says: “Do they sell dirty videos at Blockbuster? Wouldn’t you feel dirty buying one at a store like that?” Q: “Yes! I felt dirty playing the nude photo hunt with Hill at the bar last night.” And if you’re wondering, Hill hasn’t arrived yet. He’s present in the car but he’s not quite here. I think he’s spoken three moans since we started.

7:48am: Just saw three beautiful cows on the side of the road. It’s the prettiest set of girls I’ve seen since we got in this state. Not a good sign.

8:30am: Thought I’d check in. Not much the last 45 minutes. It’s western Wisconsin, what should I expect? Hill’s finally here though. We have “Old School” playing right now. Yeah, a movie in a car. Learn about it. Anyways, Hill just woke up from his coma on this line: “Oh man, you got a fucking dart stuck in your neck!”


8:44am: You guys ever see the “Chronicles of Narnia?” I know it’s a kid movie but it’s pretty good. Well, I feel like the little kids going into that magic closet and coming out in a winter wonderland on the other side. When we left Minnesota it was in the low 50’s with green everywhere. Now? It’s 31 degrees with frost all over the trees. Nothing but white. If I see a fucking half horse half human thing prancing around, I’m out. We’re turning this bitch around.

9:14am: First gas station stop. Highlights include getting gas at $3.19 a gallon (awesome!), Q getting an 8oz can of Coors light for .59 cents, seeing a Packers suck engraving in the stall, surprisingly seeing the teller with a full set of teeth and finally watching Q pounding the 8oz Coors light in the parking lot and slamming the crushed can in the garbage like he’s spiking a football. Again, it’s 9:14am. Just thought I would remind you of that.

*Game Break: Ok, let me clarify something here. I saw these little 8 oz cans and thought they were funny looking. Jokingly, I asked Sneff if I should get one. I had no plan on actually doing so, but his excited reaction and the laugh I knew I’d get persuaded me to make the purchase. I did walk out to the car and slam it in front of Hill—now that’s funny. But there’s a more pressing issue at hand: why did they let me buy the beer? Isn’t there a rule that you can’t sell alcohol before 10 am? Do they not have that law in Wisconsin (which wouldn’t be surprising at all)? Or did they just not care because it was one mini-can?

9:15am: Huey has called me four times already. See Huey was the last person on earth to get a cell phone. I think he got one like two years ago. Well, he has this little elementary trick where he calls me repeatedly throughout the drive and thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world. It’s not. It’s gay. It’s something eight years old do. Fucking Huey.

Side note: Taking a timeout. Need to focus on the “Carlos Mencia” stand-up DVD rolling in our ride right now. He just called himself a “beaner.” That’s funny.

10:11am: I had to come back early for just one comment. We just saw the first “Cruisin’ Chubby’s” sign. “Cruisin’ Chubby’s” is one of the best gentleman’s clubs in the nation. I’m convinced of this. I’ve only been once for a buddy’s bachelor party and it was like a poor man’s playboy mansion. I’m dead serious. I usually feel creepy and filthy in a strip club, but I was asking for a membership pamphlet after this experience.

11:31am: Billboard for Trainfest: “Small trains, Big imaginations.” I can’t stand the anticipation anymore. Get me in that arena!

11:57am: Just passed the impressive outdoor Miller Park baseball stadium. Q chimes in: “2 ½ years bitches, 2 ½ years.”


*Game Break: For those who don’t get this, the Twins new stadium will be ready in roughly 2 ½ years. I could not possibly be more excited for it. Outdoor baseball? Sign me up. Anything so that I don’t have to sit in the Dome ever again (cough, Vikings, cough).

12:19pm: DFTFC has arrived at the hotel, checked in and we’re ready to start drinking. Some highlights of the check-in: 1) Did you know that Double Tree gives you warm chocolate cookies to everyone? Individually packaged fresh warm like your grandma made them cookies. I love this hotel already. 2) The Alpha Omega Epsilon Sorority Party is in our hotel...tonight! Tempting...but we have Trainfest to crash. I might be over thinking this, but I think the tail at Trainfest is going to trump the Sorority party. Any other weekend, we would have been all over this. 3) The bellhop was a gem. A little fella with a quick tongue named Jim. If you aren’t funny, you can’t be a bellhop. This HAS to be a pre-requisite. Jim (5’4) wanted to bet Fitz (6’8 ¾) on a little one-on-one basketball game. I don’t know how we got to this point but it was funny.

*Game Break: The bellhop came out to greet us and saw the Marquette Basketball logo on the side of the Denali (yeah, that’s how we roll). Then he saw Hill and me. We’re not the most imposing guys and look nothing like basketball players. So he told us that he could take us. We sort of agreed, but said he couldn’t beat Fitz, who was walking around the side of the car at the time. That’s when he decided that he could take Fitz. Then he whispered “Especially if there were a few hundred bucks on the line." I don’t think he was kidding.

12:31pm: And...we’re drinking. Whiskey water in a hotel coffee mug is my choice. Fitz with a whiskey concoction in a glass and Huey with Whiskey 7 in a Powerade bottle. Hill with a Miller Lite (weird) and Q...well he started drinking at 9:14 so who knows what he’s on at this point.

12:58pm: Hill decided to take a stand and say: “No shots for me tonight.” By the way, this stand never holds up. Never. He’s planting the seed now, but no way he doesn’t take one shot. An impossible feat in a situation like this.

1:09pm: It’s time for some drinking games and every year we forget to bring a deck of cards. It’s uncanny. Every GD year, not one of us idiots brings a deck causing us to buy an overpriced pack across the street. Not this year, Q brought them! Fist pounds around to Q. So, we’re playing P & A and realize all our cards are above a nine. Q brought fucking Pinochle cards. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so disappointed in my life. You could see in his face he let us down. He looks like a kid bringing home a 1.25 GPA report card to his parents.

*Game Break: This was depressing. Like Fuzz said, we never remember cards, so when I thought of it ahead of time and brought them, I was extremely proud of myself. We tried to play a little High/Low/Red/Black, but I think that was just an attempt to make me feel better. It didn’t work. I blew it—big time.

1:44pm: Q just informed us that Billy Ray Cyrus is in town tonight. So Milwaukee’s entertainment this weekend is Billy Ray Cyrus and Trainfest. I don’t think I need to say anything else.


*Game Break: In the next segment, Fuzz will give you some highlights of our exploits at our usual pre-game watering hole. What he’s forgotten to tell you about is what happened on the way to the bar. We’re walking down the street and a car quickly pulls out of a back alley/parking lot and comes within inches of drilling Hill. Unfazed and determined to get a beer, Hill simply walks around behind the car and continues on his journey. The rest of us are in shock at how close we just were to tragedy (and a ruined weekend). The best part? That the girl driving (obviously) didn’t realize what she had almost done for about 15 seconds. Then a look of absolute horror came over her face and she covered her mouth. This of course caused raucous laughter among everyone in the group—everyone other than Hill that is.

1:45pm- 7:10pm: This was the time that we were at the famous sports bar called Major Goolsby’s. The plan was to go eat, grab a couple pitchers, come back to the hotel, take a nap and head to the game around 7:00. That was the plan. What ended up happening is that we all got really, really drunk and never came back to the hotel. Some highlights include:
A) The Wisconsin Badger football game was on and every time they scored the little bar girls would come around with a free shot for everyone. A great idea. Not until we took one. It was in a Nyquil medicine cup and it tasted just like cherry Nyquil. This of course didn’t stop us from taking one every time.
B) We convinced the staff at Major Goolsby’s to hang a signed DFTFC shirt in the bar with D-Fitz’s signature on the T-shirt. This makes Fitz very happy.
C) Huey is back to being called his original nickname Sneff. Huey didn’t stick proving that new nicknames just don’t work. The only ones that stick are the ones that are pre 18 years old.
D) Fitz came back from a bathroom session and told us a really odd guy was just staring directly at him when he was taking a wiz in the urinal next to him. It was so uncomfortable he had to say: “Can I help you?” Probably not the EXACT words you want to use when a creepy guy is looking at your wanger, but he said the guy got the point and looked away.
*Game Break: Lost in all the laughter and disbelief over what had just happened to Fitz, was the utter lack in description that he could provide of the perpetrator. If a guy was staring at you in the john, wouldn’t you have some sort of idea what he looked like and what he was wearing? Not Fitz. All he could provide us with was that the guy was wearing “a brown, braided belt and weird shoes.” Um, why were you staring at his belt sir? I’m still not entirely convinced that Fitz wasn’t the creepy guy and made up the rest of the story.
E) Freeway is not going to be seen. I asked the waitress flat out if Freeway is around and she told us she hasn’t seen him in a while. Goal #2 is squashed.
F) Sneff decided to wear his tux shoes from his wedding this weekend. They don’t look comfortable. What’s with tux shoes being the most uncomfortable footwear ever? Since most weddings involve a good 4-5 hours of solid dancing, you’d think you would get a better shoe with your tux purchase. Nope, you get shoes that make you cry after one hour.

G) Sneff to Q about not being as drunk as he is: “Drink more fuckstick.” Q’s response: ”Get a better tolerance d-bag.”
H) Fitz to Sneff: “We still have to get back to the hotel so I can get a shirt for Dan to shine. And by shine, I mean sign.” This was at 4:40pm my notes said. It should be said that Fitz is heating up. We’ve all had about eight beers, three Nyquil shots, and at least two “Mugarita’s” at this point. However, it’s hitting Fitz the hardest right now.
I) Fitz just committed us to Marquette trips for a lifetime. “There’s no reason we can’t do this until we are 85.”
J) Fitz: “My sinnter’s (he meant to say sisters) doesn’t need any Fuzz in them.”
K) It’s 6:25pm and as you can tell Fitz is T-kettled. Along with the quotes you just read, he’s already pulled the “I love you guys” routine, dropped the f-bomb a minimum of 114 times and has had to eat a burger basket for the second time just to soak some of this booze up. We all reference the “he’s on fire” NBA Jam feature. He just needs to keep shooting...
L) D-Fitz’s woman has arrived to the bar and is not wearing a DFTFC shirt. That’s not right. What’s more disappointing is that she lives in the area, had nothing to do today and yet Fitz couldn’t put in the invite for our all day drinkfest to her. She’s visually and understandably upset.
M) Q brings over five Jag Bombs. We don’t need this but we naturally take them anyway. For those keeping count, after Hill’s no shot stand he’s taken three Nyquil shots and one Jag bomb.
N) It’s 7:10pm and we are finally leaving the bar. That was a good session. I told you we’d bounce back. Walking out of this place feels incredibly similar to the Varsity Blues scene when Johnny Moxon and the boys were walking out of the strip club at 7am. We’ve been inside so long that fresh air almost seems hard to take. We are all moving very, very slow

7:22pm: Watching warm-ups. D-Fitz looks noticeably bigger. HGH needs to be put on the table as it should with every athlete these days. Looks like he grew his hair out a little too. It’s his senior year, he’s not fucking around.

*Game Break: It should be noted that we have player’s tickets for the game. This means that we are sitting in the 6th row at the Bradley Center for this tilt. If you have the means, I highly recommend watching games from seats this close. It’s really the only way to go.

9:36pm: Coach Crean just chugged his third Diet Pepsi. A little known fact is that he drinks more Diet Pepsi than any other coach in all of college basketball.

9:40pm: Final score: MU- 76. IUPUI- 68. First win out of 28. DFTFC made it’s appearance known.


This MU team is going to be good. They finished last season in the top 25 but I see them finishing closer to the top 10 this year. They have nine legitimate players and returned pretty much everyone from last year. They play in the MAUI tournament coming up which should bring some national attention to them if they do well, which I expect.

10:11pm: Someone in the DFTFC crew just sang the “this shit is BANANAS, B-A-N-A-N-A-S” song on our way to Water Street. I’m in the back of the bunch and can’t see who it actually is. But we are crossing over a river right now and this person should be thrown into it immediately for singing a Gwen Stefani song.

11:25pm: Q is putting in some serious work on our late night bartender. He already has the “fake laugh at every single comment she makes” routine down right now. This is impressive. She’s a strawberry blond number with a nice fucking butt so we’re all pulling for the guy at this point.

*Game Break: I was actually very proud of my effort. The problem was that I broke a cardinal rule: never hit on the bartender. They’re sober and deal with losers like me on a nightly basis. Good game, bad choice. It happens.

12:39am: I’m hammered. (This was in my notepad I carried around and I don’t remember writing it. This entry had to make the cut)

*Game Break: That’s partially my fault. I bought two (or three?) more shots for the group at the bar. Don’t even remember what they were either. I do know that Fuzz, Hill, and I were playing dice on the bar for well over an hour. Good times.

1:03am: Hill’s back playing nude photo hunt again. He loves this game and feels no remorse for playing this game in any sort of environment. Hill just looks at home in a corner of a bar, smoking Camel Lights and playing nude photo hunt by himself.

1:08am: Sneff is currently wearing a pumpkin colored silk scarf and I have no idea where he got it. I do now have an idea who started that fucking B-A-N-A-N-A-S jingle a few hours ago.

*Game Break: I have to be honest, it was me. We were all pretty drunk and it had been a long day (remember the wake up call came at 5:40 am) that included a 5 ½ hour stint at Goolsby’s. And I used the line from The Office (said by Kelly Kapoor): “This day is…” ok, I’ll stop now.

2:15am: Q after a valiant but unsuccessful effort at the bar: “If I’m not getting ass, I’m getting Donuts.” FYI: DFTFC loves late night Dunkin Donuts.


*Game Break: The previously mentioned effort was at a second bar. When I became frustrated with the lack of talent at Fitzgibbons, I convinced Fuzz to come with me for a shot at finding some new female friends just before bar close time across the street at Bar Louie. Fuzz was less than enthused to be there (as evidenced by his leaning on the wall, scowling, refusing to talk to anyone, especially me), but he came because that’s what a good wingman does. Again, I struck out, but at least I got another at bat.

Sunday November 11

9:OOam: Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep. F-off Fitz. After that night, Fitzy Fresh is making us get up right now and drive home. Why? Because he’s having his Internet and cable installed today. Seems like the right call. He’s had the house for five months but the Sunday after the Milwaukee trip where it’s one of the few times we let loose seems like a perfect day for installation. F-off Fitz. Someone give me the Tylenol...

9:33am: We all look like holy hell. It’s the only way to put this. I really hope Fitz enjoys his HGTV shows that he’s dying to watch.

*Game Break: True statement.

10:29am: Sneff: “Fitz, you going to get a DUI?” Floored everyone. What a night! It’s sleep time...

3:09pm: We’re 20 miles from home and everyone except Hill is up. We’re all reminiscing about the night and we just informed Fitz that he had another burger basket at Goolsby’s, his second one in a five-hour span. He has no idea. Now he’s really nervous on what else happened, since his Grandpa, parents and multiple other family members were at the bar at this time. Fitz gets the MVP this time. Shockingly we didn’t make it to Trainfest and we didn’t see Freeway. We did drink...a lot, but that goal was a lock. 1/3 is disappointing but man do I love this trip...

DFTFC! DFTFC! DFTFC!

Out,
Fuzz

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On our way to stardom

If you haven't heard, Dogg, Q and I write the Vikings blog for USA Today's "NFL Blog Squad." We were featured yesterday in a Q & A on their website. You can access that here. Or can you read it after the jump here at TKOT. Either way, we're comin, we're comin...

Names: Matt “Fuzz” Letnes. Adam “Q” Quale. Nate “Dogg” Williams.

Locations:

Fuzz- Eagan, MN. We’re all roommates. It’s gets a little crazy in our house from time to time. I think we have like 25 ongoing arguments that will never end between the three of us because we all think we’re right.

Q- Eagan is “The middle of Gopher Nation.”

Occupations:

Fuzz- Service representative for a small marketing company that specializes in Health Insurance.

Q- Junior High English Teacher

Dogg- Sales

Ages: 26 for Fuzz & Q. 25 for Dogg.

Favorite NFL blogs?

Fuzz- Ours obviously. Kidding…kind of. I’m a fan of the more popular sports blogs that aren’t just NFL blogs, but write about the NFL from time to time. Bill Simmons and Deadspin are my two favorites. Simmons does his weekly NFL picks on Fridays and Deadspin has a Monday feature that recaps all the games that is very entertaining. Not for the kiddies, but good stuff.

Q- Superbowl Homeboy. I’m not kidding.

Dogg- My favorite NFL blog is http://nflcheerleader.blogspot.com/ because....Well, take a look and you'll probably understand why I enjoy reviewing this website every so often.

Favorite NFL writer?

Q- Bill Simmons. It doesn't matter what league/sport you put; he's the best.

Dogg- Sports Illustrated's Peter King is my favorite NFL writer. I think his mix of then and now is great and most of his stuff is accurate. It's one thing to go out on a limb but it's another thing to go out on a limb and be correct most of the time, which Peter usually is.

Fuzz- Besides Sean Leahy, it’s Kevin Seifert from the Minneapolis Star Tribune. To be honest I don’t read a lot of national sites about the NFL. I like sticking to the local perspectives about my favorite home team. Seifert is the best in the area in my opinion.

If I weren't a (your job), I would like to be a ...

Dogg- If I weren't a salesman I would like to be a Hero.

Fuzz- Professional Golfer. If you were a kindergarten teacher, that would be my answer. In reality, working in sports, especially golf is a dream. Working tournaments for the PGA tour would be awesome. Not quite playing along side Tiger, but close enough.


Q- MLB bullpen catcher. I've always said that this is the single greatest job in the world. Think about it: you get front row seats to all 162 of your team's games, you get to wear the official uniform, you become friends with professional athletes (if you want to call relief pitchers "athletes"), and best of all, there's absolutely no pressure on you like a real professional athlete. Your entire job consists of getting into a catcher's crouch roughly 5-8 times a day and then eating sunflower seeds, drinking Gatorade, and chatting with the guys in the bullpen. You get plenty of fresh air, have more than enough time to work out, get to travel the country, and make a pretty good salary. What more could you want? Plus, since I was a catcher until the age of 15, and know a ton about baseball, I feel that I am fully qualified for this position. Like I said, the greatest job in the world.

Fuzz- Before we go on. What do bullpen catchers do during a bench-clearing brawl? I’ve always wanted to know this. Every time I see a fight breakout I look for the BP catcher and I can’t find him. Does he participate? Or since he’s really not part of the team, he can’t sprint out and throw haymakers? I need to get to the bottom of this.

Dogg- I think a bullpen catcher would get fired I believe if he left the bullpen area for a bench clearing brawl. Great question though because I guarantee some of those guys can lay the lumber.

What made you name your blog 'Superbowl Homeboy?'

Fuzz- The name originated from when Randy Moss was here. He had a quote when asked what he’s expects for the season, he responded with “Superbowl Homeboy!”


Q- Because "Straight Cash Homey" would be a ridiculous name for a blog. This was another quote beauty by Moss. Truthfully though, it came down to three factors in my mind. First, it's a phrase that was uttered by the most enigmatic Viking of all time: Randy Moss. If you're going to write about the Vikes, there has to be some reference to Randy. It's the law. Second, it still works in reference to the current team--sort of. At the beginning of the season, everyone can dream that their team is going to be awesome. Even if it doesn't come true, and it certainly hasn't for the Purple this year, it is completely acceptable to think so prior to the season. Third, it's a unifying phrase for the three of us. All of us say it constantly anytime the Vikings do something well, so it just makes sense.

Best current Vikings player?

Q- Is this a serious question?

Dogg- Best Vikings player right now? Did you watch or read anything on the Internet over the past 24 hours because his name is being thrown out there with Jim Brown. "AP", "AD", "Savior"....aka Adrian Peterson.


Fuzz- This question should really be “Best current Vikings player not named Adrian Peterson.” I can’t tell you how much AP means to sports fans in Minnesota right now. It’s going to be weird saying this, but this is his state already. He owns the entire sports scene here. That’s how desperate we are for a superstar to get behind. The Vikings are the most popular team in the area and he’s one of the best players in the NFL already. He’s eight games into his career and has the NFL rushing record! Is that not ridiculous? So the easy answer is “All Day” Adrian Peterson as the best Vikings player. Just to throw out a different guy, Kevin Williams is a machine. He’s our All-Pro defensive tackle that is a vital part of our top three rushing defense.

Brad Childress -- Stay or go after 2007 season?

Fuzz- My other two cohorts are going to say go, but I’m a Childress supporter. I think he needs to stay. We have beaten Chicago on the road and now a streaking San Diego team at home this year. He has his downfalls, but I don’t think we win these two types of games with the last regime. He’s in his second year only and has shown enough to me to stay.

Dogg- I heard Childress is looking to move back into the adult entertainment business. I think that better suits him than being an NFL head coach.

Q- That depends. Are you asking me or Zygi Wilf? I would have gotten rid of him at the end of last year. Zygi and Brad seem to be best friends, so there's a chance that he'll never leave. I know it's commonplace for fans to immediately blame the coach when things aren't going well. But he's so stubborn and stuck in his ways, that there's no reason to believe that he'll ever adjust and make this team any better. Peterson has been dominating basically all year, and yet Chilly refused to start him for a number of games. Then he wouldn't give him more than 15 carries a game. Then refused to play him in any type of 2-minute drill at the end of the half/game. Then he wouldn't play him on third down. Finally vs. the Chargers he gives the kid 30 carries and look what happens--a new NFL single game rushing record. And he's like that in so many other aspects of this team. He wants things done his way, even if it's a terrible way. So again, I say get him out of here, but I fully expect him to be our coach for the foreseeable future.

Fuzz- Told you.

Tarvaris Jackson -- Good experiment or bad?


Fuzz- Horrible. It’s like the high school coach going down to the seventh grade team and grabbing the quarterback to start for the Varsity. Hey kid, even though you look like a wet noodle and sound like a squeak toy, you’re starting for us Friday night! It’s the same type of scenario here, only it’s the NFL! Childress went into the season trusting a D1-AA project that no one has heard of before. This is where Childress is worth criticizing. This experiment is so dumb and needs to end immediately. We’re fine though, we have Brooks “no one knows who I am either” Bollinger starting now. We’re good.

Q- Terrible. I know if it worked out that everyone (including myself) would have gone on and on about what a great move it was. But it hasn't, and it won't. I've just never understood the thinking behind it at all. Here's a guy (channeling my inner Madden there) who played 1-AA ball, and couldn't even earn first-team all CONFERENCE. Forget about all-American or anything that would lead you to believe that he was a D1 caliber player who slipped through the cracks and dominated at the 1-AA level. This guy wasn't even the best quarterback in his conference. Yet we, and by we I mean Chilly and the boys, decided that not only was he worth drafting, but we moved up to take him ahead of guys who proved themselves at the highest college level. Then he gets anointed the future of the franchise despite being, statistically, the worst starting quarterback in the history of the NFL (according to his passer rating). Jeez, who could have possibly seen that coming?

Dogg- Tarvaris Jackson is awful and to go on top of all that, he's injury prone. He's got an absolute laser for an arm but why throw the ball like I would in a backyard football game? I don't get it but it looks like Minnesota should be looking for a new QB ASAP. Chester Taylor and a 5th round pick for Derek Anderson or Brady Quinn.

Name the Vikings starting QB in 2008:

Dogg- See my answer above.

Fuzz- The best question on the board because I don’t think our starting quarterback is on our team currently. The free agent QB class isn’t that strong this year, so they could go the draft route again. With names like Matt Ryan, John David Booty, Andre Woodson and Brian Brohm in next years draft class, I think one of these guys could be our starting QB next year. Personally, I would draft another QB next year. The Vikings won’t though. They won’t roll the dice on another QB with a high draft pick. A name I’ll throw out is Donovan McNabb. He has worn out his welcome in Philly, and he has the connection with Childress. With the clowns we have right now, I’ll take Mr. Chunky Soup… and his mom.

Q- Tarvaris Jackson. As much as I hate to say it, he will be. Childress won't give up on his boy after one injury-plagued season. Those guys hate admitting that they are wrong and will refuse to until it is painfully obvious (as if it wasn't already). As fans, we'd much rather draft a guy like Matt Ryan from Boston College.

Even trade for a guy like Derek Anderson from Cleveland. Unfortunately, neither of those will happen and we'll be stuck watching the T- Jack Experience for another year.

NFC championship game -- Anything more than a consolation game?

Q- I don't think it's even worthy of being called that. Is there any reason to have the NFC playoffs at all? I mean, other than to feel better about yourself for making the playoffs/championship game, there's absolutely no point in anyone other than the Colts and Patriots going to the post season. Why not just have a best of 5 series between those two? That's what everyone wants to see. No one in the NFC has even a sliver of hope at beating either of those two teams (just ask the best team in the NFC--Dallas). It all seems like a giant waste of time to me.


Dogg- Q, that was the dumbest response from a knowledgeable sports fan that I've ever seen.

Fuzz- That answer IS absurd Q. I’m with Dogg on this one. It’s week nine and you’re already anointing two out of the 32 teams the crown already. Wow. Look, I was watching the “game of the century,” Patriots vs. the Colts and the NFC has a shot my friend. These teams are good, but not unbeatable good. New England was rolling teams and making enemies but the Colts held them in check. Three or four weeks ago I would have picked any AFC team to win the Superbowl. Now? I don’t know. The Cowboys and Giants are very good teams. I think they both can hang with any AFC team. That’s it though. Yes Packer fans I’m not including your little cute club. It’s a nice story, but you’ll crumble.

Dogg- To answer the question, I've been preaching this for a few weeks now. The Super Bowl is one game, not a series of games. New England or Indy would beat every NFC team 19 out of 20 times but there is a slim chance in a one game series. Even Manning looked human yesterday when he turned the ball over 3 times so the NFC championship game is not a consolation game by any means....Grand Valley State went on the road this past weekend and beat Michigan State on their home court. Anything can happen.

Let's say you're a free-agent fan. What team (other than your own) are you signing on with?

Fuzz- Anytime the head coach has a moustache that is a dead ringer for Burt Reynolds’s stache, you have to go with that team. It’s the Titans and Jeff Fisher. I love what they’re doing there.

Dogg- Since Peyton Manning has been in this league, I've signed on with the Colts. DECAF! DECAF! DECAF!

Q- I'd be the A-Rod of NFL fans and sign with whatever team offers the most money. If I'm not going to be rooting for the Purple, then I have no vested interest in any other team in the league. So the team that will give me the most will win. I have a lot to offer as a fan. I'm extremely loyal, I'll write a blog about them in my free time, I'll sport the apparel in public places, I'll attend games, I'll call into radio talk shows to share my opinion, etc. Teams are going to want to have me on their side. So it becomes a question of my compensation. It doesn't have to be money, though that would be gladly accepted. Is the team going to give me good seats to be their fan? Are the seats on the 50 or in the end zone (I'll accept nothing less)? Do they provide me my choice of jersey? Am I guaranteed a picture in the yearly media guide? Do I get put in any kind of print or television advertisements? The team that can give me the best offer of those things and others will have themselves a super fan. Unless, of course, it's the Packers...

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A-Z on Duke Basketball

With the best college basketball program in the nation about to start another historic season on Friday, it’s time for my A-Z list on these Blue Devils. Some are positive, some are negative and some are just overall comments on Duke Basketball. Mostly positive though because I love them. And since my blog partner Dogg ripped them in a post called “Hate,” I needed to respond. So, here’s a big F.U. to you D ole Double G…

Readers note: This has some, I mean a lot of explicit language throughout it. I was fired up so I added some much needed cusses. If you don’t like it, I apologize.


A- All- Americans. As in McDonald’s All- Americans. Yes, Duke has an advantage because they get plenty of McDonald’s All-Americans, but Coach K built this program up to this status. I love watching the East vs. West game and finding out who’s coming in for the next year. It’s like the thrill of opening Christmas presents. “What did I get this year? Oh, a 6’4 combo guard that averaged 34/8/7 in high school. Thanks Dad!” My other writing buddy Dogg once said: “Duke has McDonald’s All-Americans on their intramural team.” Funniest line I’ve ever heard.

B- Best. Like I just said in my intro, they’re the best basketball program in the country. Simple as that.

C- Cameron Crazies. Can you name any other arena where they give their students a full side of lower level seats? I can’t. I’m surprised more universities don’t do this. Most Universities stick the drunks under one basket. Not at Duke. Nope, the other players have to deal with getting harassed by a bunch of psycho’s with blue afro’s standing five feet away from them down the whole court. This is very underrated advantage in my opinion.


D- Durham- This city sucks. I’ve been in this area and Duke University is about it for Durham, NC. Chapel Hill blows this city out of the water, which makes Durham look even worse since they are like seven miles apart. You know those stupid Calvin & Hobbs stickers you see mostly on trucks driven by rednecks with three teeth where the little shithead is peeing on something? This applies with this. Chapel Hill is that Calvin & Hobbs sticker taking a wiz on Durham. Besides the basketball program all it really has is a reference in the greatest baseball movie ever. So, it’s got Duke Basketball and Bull Durham. Great but your city still sucks.

E- Easy non-conference schedule. Another bashing point for the haters. “I hate Duke because they don’t play anyone until the conference play and if they do it’s always home or on a neutral floor.” All true. But very smart. So Michigan State gets this “valuable” experience by playing multiple top 25 teams in its non-conference schedule then gets the 6th seed out West in Sacramento. Awesome! You’ll have 11 fans watching you. On the other hand Duke plays in a tough enough conference to get tested by good competition and then ends up with a high seed close to home. You pick which is better….

F- Fuck Duke. The most commonly used phrase in all of college basketball. “Rock Chalk Jayhawk” is a distance second. I can’t tell you how many “Fuck Duke’s” I’ve heard over my lifetime when watching a game at a home, a bar, or anywhere. I’d guess Millions.

G- Gerald Henderson, Jr. Any other day then February 6th, 2008 I would love to be Gerald Henderson, Jr. A D1 basketball player with jersey chasers all over your grill. Not a bad life. However, on 2/6/08, Mr. Henderson goes back for the first time to Chapel Hill where the last time he was there, he broke Player of the Year candidate Tyler Hansbrough’s nose. They are going to be pumped up to destroy him in any way possible. Players throwing elbows and fans chucking coins isn’t out of the question. Who am I kidding, I would love to be Gerald any day of the year…


H- History of the Blue Devil Mascot. It’s really not that cool of a story. But according to Wikipedia it goes like this: The student newspaper, the Trinity Chronicle launched a campaign to create a new mascot. The Trinity Chronicle editor narrowed the many nominations down to those that utilized the school colors of dark blue and white. The narrowed list consisted of Blue Titans, Blue Eagles, Polar Bears, Blue Devils, Royal Blazes and Blue Warriors. They picked Blue Devils…Sweet. I always think that a school’s name means something. Sometimes it does, but mostly it’s some stupid contest like this.

I- Intensity. Duke plays with a great level of intensity. That could be the most cliché statement of all time and could be said about a lot of clubs. But Duke does get after it. I call this Intensity. Others? They go with “annoying” or “pesky” or “fucking stupid.” The Blue Devils do play with a in your face at all times type of basketball. I like this intensity because it irritates the hell out of the other team. In the end it forces bad decisions.
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J- J.J. Redick. Admit it, he was fun to watch? Also admit that even if you despised him, that if he happened to pick your favorite college basketball program instead of Duke’s you would have been the absolute biggest Redick fan out there. I will argue this with anyone. You can’t tell me as a sports fan you wouldn’t like a three-point assassin on your team who would kill a run single handily and tell the other team about it all the way down the court. Some guys just deserve to be full-time college players. J.J. was one of them. Can they bring him back? Make this happen please.


K- Coach K. The best basketball coach on the planet. Even though he doesn’t need to prove it, he will when USA Basketball wins Gold next year in Beijing.


L- Laettner, Christian. “The Shot.” You can see it again in this youtube clip here

M- My roommates. They both despise Duke basketball. They both hate them like most people hate them. It’s always “fuck Duke” and “fucking Duke sucks.” Side note: I put my guess in the millions for the “fuck duke’s” because of these two clowns. They say it 30-40 times an hour. So, when Duke’s making a run, I love watching them squirm in their seats with scowls on their faces.

N- North Carolina. One of the main reasons why I love Duke basketball. It’s part of the best rivalry in all of sports with North Carolina as the enemy. You can argue some of the other big rivalries like New York/Boston, Michigan/Ohio State, and even Colts/Patriots are better, but they aren’t. In the three I just mentioned I feel that “non-supportive” fans when watching the games don’t have a strong opinion of either side. At least I don’t. Side note on “non-supportive.” I couldn’t think of a better word, but I mean that I don’t live in these home states and I’m not a die-hard supporter of these teams. I’m a sports fan watching someone else’s teams. For example: I just watched the Colts/Patriots game and was rooting for the Colts to win. However, I’m not set on the Colts. I’m not crushed if they lose. But...Duke/North Carolina? Every fan and every “non-supportive” fan has a very strong opinion on which team they are rooting for. You can’t root for both with Duke or North Carolina. If you do, you deserve to be banned from watching sports anymore.


O- One seeds. Since 86’ they have 10 number one seeds in the March Madness tournament. That is what I call impressive! To unleash my inner Billy Bob…A 10…a 10…a fucking 10!

P- Pro Basketball. Always the running joke: “They might be good college players but they don’t do shit in the pros.” I think this is starting to change amigos. The current players who are impact pros: Boozer, Brand, Battier, Duhon, Dunleavey, Deng, Maggette, and Grant Hill. Redick and Sheldon Williams are too early to tell. See, it’s changing…

Q- Quiz. What team has the best basketball program in the nation? (Answer in “B” section).

R- Referee’s. For calling the most fair games every time Duke plays. I’m still astounded on the consistency of the referee’s when they officiate a Duke game. Hat’s off to you gentleman…

S- Sweet 16. In the last 25 years, they’ve made it to the “Sweet 16” or farther 17 times. Nine of those have come in the last ten years. It’s almost a foregone conclusion that you’re watching Duke basketball in the second weekend. Not too shabby.

T- TV- Duke is on network television 20 times this year. 20 out of their 28 games are on network television! Ridics! So even the networks understand that they are a great draw. Even though this post might say otherwise, the Gophers are still my favorite college team. I’m a homer so they still get the #1 seed. However, watching Dan Monson’s pathetic squads took a hit in my support for the program. I still knew if they won or lost for every game, but was un-focused on them. Not anymore. We have Tubby!

Anyways, the point is that the Gophers get four games on network television this year. Since I don’t have the Big Ten Network, this is going to suck. The 20 games that Duke has will ease my pain…

U- Unduly Excited. I’m talking about the color announcers for college basketball. I’m actually only talking about “Dukie V” as some say. I don’t know why I like him because the “babies” get a little old but I still do. I love his love for the game. You can’t deny that. Just for the hell of it.... I’m looking forward to the Diaper Dandy Kyle Singler kid from Duke Baby!! He’s going to be a straight PTP’er baby!! A high riser baby!! Look for him to eat up that cupcake city non-conference schedule baby!! This kid is going to be a surf and turfer baby!!


V- VCU. After they beat Duke last year to knock them out of the tourney in the first round, they pranced around like people cared about them. We don’t. You guys still blow and you will be lucky to hear you name on ESPN in the next 20 years. Anything less then 20, consider yourself fortunate.

W- Wojciechowski. He’s a queer. Even I hated this tool. How about you slap the floor again you hank?

X- X-Factor. To move away from a generalization of the program and focusing on this years squad, I think Greg Paulus is the X-factor. Including him, they have seven McDonald’s All-Americans on their team (remember this when people say they’re going to suck this year), so all Greggy needs to do is penetrate the lane and dish. He does this and trust me, the six other McDonald’s All-Americans are going to hit the open J’s.


Y- Youth. The only hiccup to Duke’s 30 win season is if their youth plays…like youth! The three freshman: Singler, Smith and King are all going to see big minutes. Add that to sophomore starters Scheyer and Henderson and you have a very young team. It’s a young league with the NBA draw, but this is still fairly young. Like I said, Paulus is the x-factor.

Z- Zoubek, Brian. I lucked out here. Easily the hardest letter to fill and this hank is on the Duke Basketball team. They need to do a Minnesota Twins “Get to know them” campaign for this monster. Basically, he’s one of those white stiffs (7’1) that dominates six foot three centers in high school but is horrible in college. He’s that guy. Averaged 24 and 12 in high school and 3 and 2 at Duke last year. He didn’t play a whole lot but he played in every game. His bio says: “He’s looking to make more of an impact this year.” No shit. I love Duke, but I hate players like this. Gets a free ride because of genes. Not fair.

Out,
Fuzz

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Under Review: Week 9

Passing of the torch? Maybe... NFL questions...

With Adrian Peterson’s recent outburst where he can single handily carry a team; are the Vikings in the playoff race? Or are they too far in the hole?


Q- Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Are you for real? We win one game because the God of All Running Backs sets a single game rushing record (and throws in 3 TD's just for fun) and you're going to put us in the playoffs (I think I just heard Jim Mora screaming....)? I know we've been in all of our games, and you could make the case that a few of those losses should be wins. That's like saying that you were talking to the hot chick all night at the bar and should have gone home with her but you didn't. The reality is that you went home by yourself...again. And the Vikes are still 3-5 and a long ways away from being in any playoff talk.

Fuzz- First off, I want to take a minute and talk about AP’s record setting day. Enough has already been written about what it means and he’s received a ton of accolades this week. All deservedly so. But to hammer home a point I made earlier this week, his superstar status in the state of MN took a gigantic leap. To use a Minnesota reference, it took a Paul Bunyan leap. So it pretty much added another lake to our thousands we already have. It’s an AP lake so I’m cool with it. Anyways, with multiple nationally known athletes gone or on the way out (Think: KG, Moss, & Hunter), AP’s emergence as a super duper stud has gained him the face of the Minnesota professional sports scene. And he did it in three months! This can’t be understated. He’s #1 in this state right now, even over homegrown boy Joe Mauer. As for the Vikings making the playoffs, I don’t see it. Unless the NFC really crashes, I don’t see an 8-8 team making the playoffs. That means we have to go 6-2 the last eight games to get to nine wins to have a shot at the #6 seed. Sorry Viking faithful but I don’t see that happening. I do see us just missing with an 8-8 record but giving us mega optimism going into next year because of this second half surge.


Dogg- If "AP" can't carry this team to the playoffs on his back then nobody can. Our QB situation is one of the worst in the league right now and with a defense that can stop the run but not the pass, it looks like the purple's postseason hopes are all but closed. Baltimore did it with Trent Dilfer but they also had one of the best all around defenses in NFL history. He's a stud and I can honestly say he's the best RB I've ever seen already but he still won't carry this putrid squad to the playoffs.

Who is the worst team in the NFL?

Dogg- Miami Dolphins. I heard Don Shula say that if New England stays unbeaten that there will have to be an asterisk by it because of the recent illegal filming. Is he that worried about being the only NFL team to go unbeaten for an entire season? Just for that, I really hope NE stays unbeaten and Miami goes winless.


Fuzz- Miami. They’re challenging the 1976 Buccaneers winless season. They needed a QB this off-season and passed on Brady Quinn to take a one trick pony wide receiver in Teddy Ginn Jr. It was very reminisce of the Vikings when we took speedster with no hands Troy Williamson with a high draft pick a couple years ago. Did one of our draft strategists move to the Dolphins organization?

Q- The Miami Dolphins and it's not even close in my mind. I know that the Rams are 0-8 too, but they've had injuries to key guys like Steven Jackson and Marc Bulger. Plus, at least they've got enough talent where you might think that they actually have a chance to win. Miami on the other hand is ridiculously terrible. Cleo Lemon? Jesse Chatman? Marty Booker? Those three clowns are their top "weapons" on offense. They make the Vikes look like Super Bowl Contenders by comparison. This team is unbelievably terrible and I would be shocked if they win a game. The odds have to be very high that they go 0-16. Very high.

The Patriots go undefeated now? Are they your Superbowl champs?


Fuzz- I keep saying no to the undefeated season and I don’t know why. I really don’t. They are an awesome time that just survived a road game vs. the Superbowl champs. They are for real, for real. But…I’m playing the odds. There has only been one undefeated team in the history of the league and they have to play Pittsburgh and the New York Giants. I hope they do though because I’m sick of those old Dolphin farts down in Florida cracking champagne over a heated game of shuffleboard when the last undefeated goes down.

I’m sick of that story. For the second part, they could be your Superbowl champs. I’m not ready to crown them like Denny Green says. They are on a very short list, but no way it’s a guarantee.

Dogg- The Pats do go undefeated in the regular season but lose to the Colts at home in the playoffs. It's just too good of a story if they go unbeaten all the way through. I think the Colts looked like the better team this past weekend but gave the game away in the 4th quarter. If it isn't the Colts, it will be the Steelers who will love playing in that cold weather come postseason time.

Q- I still say they don't go undefeated. I don't know why, it's just a gut feeling. They will have a hiccup somewhere along the line when no one is expecting it. I might be the only person in America that feels this way too (PS--I still stand by my call that they lose to Baltimore. Even as I am currently watching the Ravens get absolutely thwapped by the Steelers on Monday night. They're getting beat 35-rip just before half and they look PISSED. There are a lot of cheap shots taking place all over the field. If Baltimore isn't able to beat New England, they will be the team that takes some big time cheap shots at Brady & Co. when they are trying to run up the score. Watch it happen.). And I'm also not sold on the Patriots winning the Super Bowl either. The Colts had that game all but won yesterday until a bomb to Moss and a big punt return by Wes Welker changed everything. I wouldn't be surprised if they pull off the shocker, at Gillette Stadium, and win the AFC title game and then the title.

A guy who is flying way under the radar is Marshawn Lynch. AP is stealing all the rookie running back headlines. Yet, Lynch is the 4th best running back right now. Are AP and Lynch in the top five for running backs already? Or am I jumping the gun on both of them?


Dogg- I think you might be jumping the gun a little bit on Lynch even though I think he's very good. The best part about both of them is that they can carry the load for an entire game and stay healthy thus far which a lot of NFL RB's struggle to achieve. There are guys like Marion Barber whose stats don't always reveal what he's doing on the field. I believe he's one of the top 3 RB's in this league. Every time he runs the ball, something good happens like make somebody miss, outrun all 3 LB's or run 3 guys over before scoring a TD. AP is that good and will be the best RB we will ever see. Imagine him with an offense that can throw the ball effectively or even just enough to get the LB's and Safeties are their tiptoes. He's special and believe Lynch as well but top 5 for him is debatable.

Q- You might be on to something here. Let's break it down. There's LDT, who's still number one even after a poor outing against the Purple. Then Larry Johns...no, not him. What about Steven Jacks...nope, not him either. Oh, there's Frank Go...no, no, no. Maybe Thomas Jon...absolutely not. I guess the only guys in the conversation other than the two rooks and LDT would be Willie Parker, Clinton Portis, and Joseph Addai. So I'd put them in the top 6 right now for sure. Of course, if a few of these guys (Johnson, Jackson, Ronnie Brown, etc.) come back from injuries next year, placing Lynch and Peterson in the top 10 might be more realistic...maybe.

Fuzz- If they both end up in the top five as rookies, I think they are. Off the top of my head I can’t think of any running back having a stellar first season and floundering in the years to follow. Maybe I’m too young to think of one or I’m drawing a complete blank (both very possible), but they are both aggressive good-looking runners. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but yes, I would put them both in the top five as best backs in the league right now.

What happened to the Bengals?

Fuzz- The law.

Q- Half of their team was arrested in the off-season and their defense blows. Those are the two reasons they suck, plain and simple.

Dogg- It's like running a first team high school offense against the scout team defense. Their D cannot stop anybody.

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That didn't take long

In his eighth professional game, Adrian “All Day” Peterson broke the single game rushing record. It was so impressive my cronies and I gave him a standing ovation...in a townhome. You read that right. I wasn’t at the game, but I still stood up in my Sunday sweats and gave the man some respect. He deserved it.

The emergence of Adrian has everyone here in Minnesota giggly, including me. I’m just giddy. I have a hop in my step and pep in my talk. Look at the stars that have once graced this market that were ours but now are gone:

Kevin Garnett- Gone.
Randy Moss- Gone.
Sidney Ponson- Gone.
Daunte Culpepper- Gone.
David Ortiz- Gone.
Torii Hunter- Soon to be Gone. Trust me.
Johan Santana- Soon to be Gone. Trust me.

All these guys had the admiration of the fans over the years when they played here or currently playing in the case of Hunter and Santana. Studs as someone people would call them. Well they’re all gone or soon to be and we have no one here too claim in the national sports scene.

Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau are nice players, but they’re low-key nerds. Half of the national sports fans couldn’t pick Mauer & Morneau out of a police lineup. Crazy because one as a batting title already and the other has an MVP.

Al Jefferson and company just arrived a minute ago and the T-puppies are in complete rebuilding mode. We’re ranked dead last in 95% of NBA pre-season rankings. It’s depressing, but not really because I’m already scouting who we should pick #1 next year. Marion Gaborik and Brian Rolston are the hockey studs in town, but it’s hockey. We love are hockey here, but Sponge Bob Square Pants beat out the NHL finals in ratings. True story.

We went in the season for the Vikings with names like Tarvaris Jackson & Bobby Wade. It’s like the sports Gods were trying to kill us.

But then...

An injured plagued but potential stud slipped to the Minnesota Vikings at the 7th overall pick in the 2007 NFL draft and all Adrian has done is become the most popular athlete in the state within three months and made us forget about all those all other players that left.

Unbelievable.

He’s currently the best back statistical wise in the NFL with 1,036 yards. The fastest to and only 1,000-yard back in the league right now. He has nine total touchdowns and 40,000 more #28 jerseys in the stands next home game. He’ll be the talk again of every radio show, water cooler and coffee shop small talk this week, just like he was after his last 200+ performance. This will be different though, because he did it AGAIN and he did it even grander. He broke the effing single game record as a ROOKIE! His legacy keeps getting larger and larger with every carry. I realize I’m saying this eight games into his career, but believe me, people here are fully on board the Adrian Peterson train.

Listen, Kevin Garnett was “it” in this state. He is one of the bigger athlete stars in any sport on the planet and he was ours. Well, he got shipped out of here this summer and you can’t go by a newsstand without seeing him plastered on a magazine cover in Celtic green with a big ole smile on his face.

Every double/double by KG this year would have been like a stomach punch by a 300-pound gorilla. It would have gotten worse & worse.

Well, that blow is going to be less painful ladies and gentleman thanks to All Day Adrian Peterson! Soon, you’ll see AP and that million-dollar smile on magazine covers in Viking purple. You’ll start seeing national media outlets doing interviews with him and start hearing the experts arguing his place in rookie NFL history. Our favorite football team is back at the cool table. We were sitting with the band geeks and drama dorks, but now? We’re sitting with the in crowd being talked about by every other table. The Vikings are important again because of Adrian Peterson. And...

He’s ours. All ours.

Oh yeah, we beat the red hot Chargers to keep our playoff hopes alive…

Out,
Fuzz

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2007 Western Conference Preview

Alright, now it’s time to take an in depth look into what most believe is the superior conference in the NBA: the West. For the last few years, including this year, the majority of the top teams in the league came from the Western Conference. And while the East has improved quite a bit, especially in this past off season, the best teams still reside on the other side of the Mississippi River.

#15—Minnesota Timberwolves. Man, this hurts. Not in a “former championship team that has fallen on hard times” type of way, but rather a “we always at least had a shot with KG, but now…” kind of pain. Yes The Franchise, The Big Ticket, The Man—Kevin Garnett—is gone. It was time for a change, both for Kevin and the Wolves. We had to bottom out to give ourselves a chance at rebuilding. Well you can hand it to Kevin McHale & Co.; they sure to know how to bottom out.

Now I have to spend an entire season talking myself into things like “Gerald Green could be pretty good if…” and “You know, there’s a reason Sebastian Telfair was a highly touted prospect at one time…” Yeesh. At least there is some promise in Al Jefferson. I hope for his sake that he turns out to be a pretty good player. He’s got a lot of weight on his shoulders.
Late Editors Note: Fuzz and I are watching the opening game for our beloved Wolves and just before tip the camera flashed to a shot of two guys sitting on our bench. Simultaneously, we both said, out loud, “Who the eff are those guys?” That might be the worst start to a season ever. When two big time fans have absolutely no idea about a couple of key players, that’s a sure sign that it’s going to be a long season.

#14—Sacramento Kings. Not only is this team getting old, but they don’t have anything resembling a young up and coming star. First round pick Spencer Hawes looks like a plodding big man without the size to go with it. He’s definitely a candidate to be out of the league in 3 years. The leaders of this Kings team are Mike Bibby and Ron Artest.

A point guard who doesn’t drive very well and can’t play D, and a former defensive specialist who seems to have lost his touch on both ends of the floor and, oh by the way, is completely insane and ready to throw away his NBA career at the drop of a hat (just ask him). Oh, and Shareef Abdul Rahim is on this team and his track record for playing on atrocious teams is impeccable. Yeah, I trust this team to win more than 20 games. Psyche.

#13—Portland Trailblazers. I like the potential that the Blazers are putting together. They’ve rid themselves of a lot of attitude/legal issues, even if it meant sacrificing talent. Gone are the days of the “Jailblazers”, and in comes a young group of talented players who, one can only assume, will have smaller rap sheets than their predecessors. Much like in my Eastern Conference preview, I am predicting a big time breakout year from a guy on a less than stellar team: LaMarcus Aldridge.

The former University of Texas standout looked pretty good at the end of last year. Now that he’s out from under Zach Randolph’s shadow (and that must be a VERY big and dark place), he’ll see more minutes and make the proverbial “Leap” to the next level of star. When everyone is talking about his remarkable start to the season, just remember where you heard it first.

#12—Seattle Supersonics. Gone is top scorer and team leader Ray Allen. He will be replaced by youngsters Kevin Durant and Jeff Green. While I seriously doubt that they’ll be able to replace Allen’s scoring right away, it does appear that the Sonics are moving in the right direction. The key to their season will be PG Luke Ridnour. The kid is lightening quick and can make some highlight reel passes. His problem comes from his lack of consistent scoring and zero defensive skills. If he can lead them in a “Suns-lite” type of offense, this team could have a shot at respectability. If he continues to turn the ball over and get absolutely abused on D, then it’s another high lottery pick for the Oklahoma, I mean Las Vegas, I mean Seattle Supersonics.

#11—Los Angeles Clippers. I can almost guarantee you that I’m going to regret this ranking. In fact, I have no idea why I have them this high. The likelihood that the Clippers completely fall off the basketball map is off the charts. They’ll be without their star, Elton Brand, for a majority of the season with an Achilles injury (effing ouch) and who knows if Shaun Livingston will ever play again. That leaves me-first guard Corey Maggette and ET to lead the troops. Please forgive me if I don’t see that dynamic duo bringing LA to the Promised Land. The one thing I can say that they have going for them is 43 year old rookie Al Thornton, previously of Florida State (the university, not the penitentiary). He’s the young, athletic swing guard that they can build off of. But if they’re going to build around him, they better do it soon, seeing as he’ll be retiring in 5 years.

#10—New Orleans Hornets. In sharp contrast to the Clipjoint preview, I can’t believe that I have the Hornets this low. The have one of the best pure point guards in the game, Chris Paul, leading them once again. The value of having a “real” PG to run the show can’t be overstated.

CP3 can do just about anything with a basketball. He can drive the lane, shoot from both inside and out, make both the easy and difficult passes, and lock down on D if necessary. Yeah, you could say I have a serious man-crush on Mr. Paul. And if you’re looking for more breakout players, look no further than Tyson Chandler. I know he had a very solid year in the 06-07 campaign, but I see him going for big numbers this year. Something in the 18 and 12 range sounds about right. If my prediction about him is right, then all they’ll need is minor production out of guys like Peja Stojakovic, Morris Peterson, David West, and/or Julian Wright to be the surprise team in the West.

#9—Los Angeles Lakers. I just don’t get the Lakeshow. I feel like this should be a good team. You have the best player in the NBA, Kobe Bryant. You have role players like Lamar Odom, Andrew Bynum, Luke Walton, and Derek Fisher. You have the coach, Phil Jackson. That would seem like a recipe for at least some success to me. Apparently I’m wrong. Maybe the fact that I haven’t paid much attention to the NBA for the last few years is clouding my judgment. Whatever the reason is, this team is not very good. Now they’re looking to move their biggest asset, KB. His potential trade clouds their ranking considerably. If they move Kobe and get the entire Chicago roster in return, as has been rumored, then they might actually move up into a playoff spot. If they lose him for 30 cents on the dollar, then they’ll move down considerably. If they stand pat, then this is where I have them—just on the outside, looking in at the playoffs.

#8—Golden State Warriors. To borrow a phrase, “let’s not start sucking each other’s popsicles just yet”. I know about the magical playoff run last spring. I watched every minute of it. Those few weeks made them media darlings (albeit gangster media darlings). The problem is that most fans (and some media members) have that run clouding their judgment about how good this team really is. The 07 playoffs were great—they’re also over. Last year Golden State was an 8 seed. What reason is there to believe that they would significantly improve? Baron Davis is good, but can he carry a team for an entire season and postseason? Steven Jackson is good, but he’s the definition of a loose cannon. They have some athletes, but they play at such a fast, frenzied pace that you have to wonder if they can keep it up all year. I’m betting against it.

#7—Utah Jazz. I hate this team. Always have, always will. Even back in the mid-90’s when they were dominating the Western Conference every year, I was cheering for Chicago to beat the piss out of them. Karl Malone was a prick who set illegal screens and purposely kicked his legs out at the opposition’s groin. John Stockton was dirty little rat who probably “tipped” guys on D. This Utah team is from that same mold. They have Euro-trash players like AK47 and Mehmet Okur that flop and whine and complain all the time. Then they have “that guy” in Carlos Boozer.

You know “that guy”, the one who tries way too hard all the time and is a danger to all others on the court (in our Burnsville men’s league, that guy’s name is Eric and he’s the most intense person ever). Add to the mix an overrated point guard, Deron Williams, and you have the perfect combination of a team that I hate. And yes, Williams is overrated. I saw the playoffs last year and I don’t care. Anyone in the NBA can average 7 assists since they hand those things out like candy on Halloween. They’ll get bounced in the first round, count on it.

#6—Memphis Grizzlies. Here they are; my surprise team of the 2007-08 NBA season, the Memphis Grizzlies. This is solely based on me wanting to go out on a limb with one team and the Grizz having a number of players I like. It starts with Pau Gasol. Normally I am extremely anti-Euro when it comes to basketball players. Their flopping/complaining/shooting garbage runners in the lane-type of game is bothersome to me. But for some reason, I like Gasol. I especially like him on this team with the complimentary players around him. I see a guy like Rudy Gay poised for a breakout season. I also like the combination of athletic big guys like Stromile Swift and Hakim Warrick with sleek, quick guards like Kyle Lowry and Mike Conely Jr. You can also add to all of that a couple of big time shooters in Mike Miller and Casey Jacobson, plus role players Darko Milicic and Brian Cardinal. Put it all together and you have a team that can play in a number of different styles and should make a very nice little run this year.

#5—Houston Rockets. There is one reason and one reason alone for ranking Houston right here: Tracy McGrady. Simply, he is the man. One of the most skilled players in the league, T-Mac has an uncanny ability to rise to amazing levels when his team needs him. Look no further than his spike in all major statistical categories when Yao gets hurt. He knows the team needs more from him and he delivers. Now if he can just get a full, dominant season out of the aforementioned 7’6” Ming, the Rockets could do some things. I think the change to Rick Adelman as head coach could be the x-factor that pushes this team to new heights. Adelman has a knack for getting the most out of his centers and focusing the offense to their strengths. If he continues this trend with Yao, watch out. The role players that compliment Big Two on this team are going to have to play well for Houston to live up to this ranking. Among the starters, this means Rafer “Skip To My Lou” Alston and Shane “Fold Head” Battier need to be steady contributors. Off the bench, one of the following guys also needs to step up: Bonzi Wells, Steve Francis, Mike James, and/or Luther Head. There is a lot of potential talent on this roster. Watch out.

#4—San Antonio Spurs. Can a team be the best and the most mind numbingly boring in the league at the same time? The Spurs say yes. Because I dislike this team A LOT, this will be a short write up. Here, in a nutshell, is what you can expect from San Antonio: Tim Duncan will complain and miss free throws, Manu Ginobli will flop all around the court and complain, Tony Parker will have a hot wife, make clutch shots, and complain, and Greg Popovich will stand around, look unconcerned, and complain. The worst part about this team is the high potential for a flood in the greater San Antonio area due to the tears from all the crying these bitches will do.

#3—Denver Nuggets. You know who’s good? Carmelo Anthony. Big time. Despite his huge talent, Denver strikes me as a Jekyll and Hyde type of team. Either everyone is going to stay healthy, play together, and dominate, or everything will blow up and they will be the disappointment of the league. I see no middle ground. The most important guy to the Nuggets’ success is Allen Iverson.

There are a lot of reports that say he’s lost a step and isn’t the player he once was. Well when you play for as long as he has with the reckless abandon that he does, that’s bound to happen. How much he’s lost is the key. If he can still be an effective guard and distribute the ball, they’ll be in the top tier of Western Conference teams. But the heat isn't just on him. The big men that keep the pressure off AI and Melo are just as important. Kenyon Martin and Marcus Camby have to stay healthy and play well. Given their natural abilities, this shouldn’t be that difficult, but it always seems to be an issue with these two. Despite all of these potential question marks, I see this Denver team finally making a push to make the Big 3 in the Western Conference a Big 4.

#2—Phoenix Suns. You know who’s stupid? Shawn Marion. How could you possibly want off of this team? If I was an NBA player, I’d cut off a pinky toe just to be the 12th man on the end of the bench in Phoenix. They’re fun to watch, they make everyone who comes there better, and they win 50-60 games a year. What’s not to like? Plus, The Matrix is the highest paid player on a team with the likes of Steve Nash, Amare Stoudemire, and Grant Hill. What an idiot. Speaking of Hill, his presence is huge for this team. A veteran, calming presence in the locker room who also showed last year that he can still get it done on the court after 15 years of injuries. If Stoudemire is truly back from that microfracture surgery and can continue to run the court and catch alley-oop passes from Nash, then this team will be right where it is every year—at the top. At some point though, someone on this team or in this front office needs to realize that the only way they are getting past San Antonio/Dallas is to play a little defense. I think this might be the year they get that. Maybe the starters get a little more rest than normal. Maybe instead of averaging 120 points per game, they tone it down to 105 to keep everyone fresh for a deep playoff run. Maybe, just maybe…

#1—Dallas Mavericks. The main reason I have for putting Dallas at the top of this list is that I think they’ll be playing with a major chip on their collective shoulder all year. They were flat out embarrassed in the playoffs by Golden State, and then got to hear months worth of “Dirk is the worst MVP of all time” talk. They simply didn’t show up for that first round series and paid dearly for it. It has people questioning their heart, their desire, their dedication. I think it’s that doubt that will drive the entire team this season. Look, Nowitzki is good—he wouldn’t have won the MVP if he wasn’t. And there is still a ton of talent around him. Jason Terry, Erick Dampier, Jerry Stackhouse, and Eddie Jones are all proven veterans with quite a bit of talent still left in the tank. They also have two of the better young players in the league in Josh Howard and Devin Harris (who could have a HUGE year). And they have Avery Johnson as their coach.

I can’t think of anyone better to motivate a team this talented and deep team (who shouldn’t need any more motivation than just winning that elusive title). They’ll be the last one standing when all is said and done this June.

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