Under Review/Preview- Playoffs

We're back suckers with more NFL questions. Like long time reader Hill says: "You guys love answering questions." We do. This isn't a lie. Enjoy.

Did Indy choke? Or was San Diego better than people realized?



Q: Indy choked. I'm not saying that San Diego is a bad team or that they don't deserve to be playing in the AFC title game. They played well and showed toughness by winning despite major injuries to their three best offensive players. That said, Indy still choked. I don't care that they were also nicked up a bit (Harrison, Sanders, and Addai all missing some time in the game), the fact is that they had the better team and simply couldn't get it done when it mattered. I'm always amazed when a guy like Peyton Manning, a habitual choke artist, has one good playoff run (last year) and all of a sudden everyone thinks that guy isn't supposed to choke anymore. He struggles in big games and he proved it once again.

Dogg: I don’t think Indy choked at all. SD was 14-2 last year and had some new coaches come in this year with new schemes. It usually takes time for these schemes to develop and SD has more talent than most football teams in this league. Their defense might be the most talented group of players I’ve seen in quite some time. They were banged up most of the year and now are at full strength so this team has always been dangerous. Offensively, they have Gates, Chambers and LT, which enough said. Those 3 can make enough plays to keep you in any football game.

Fuzz: San Diego did fly under people’s radar this year, but Indy still pissed it away. Indy was defending Superbowl champs playing on their home turf---no reason you should lose that game. You could play the injury card with Indy with Freeney out for the season and Harrison playing only a couple plays, but San Diego lost LT and Rivers during the game and Gates was playing with four toes. Yet after all that, they still happened to pull off a win in the RCA dome. I understand San Diego is a pretty good team, but Indy is too and they blew it 100%. The question I have is if Tony Dungy retires, do they even need to hire a head coach? Could we see Peyton be the first ever NFL player/head coach? I think they still would win 10 games with this scenario.

Will Dallas ever win a playoff game with Tony Romo? Was Romo the problem again this year? Also, if you were Jerry Jones would you fire Wade Phillips on the basis that you have a hot commodity coordinator (Jason Garrett) in the waiting?


Fuzz: Tony Homo will win a playoff game but he’s doing a good job of increasing the pressure to win one in the future. Botched fumble last year and a last second pick in the end zone to kill off Dallas’ late comeback this year. He needs to win one ASAP or else he’ll get the media pressure that Peyton Manning, Phil Mickelson, and any other star that took a while to achieve greatness. I think the expression is: “he needs to get the monkey off his back.” The Jason Garrett thing is interesting. It’s a little similar to what happen here with Brad Childress & Mike Tomlin. How do you fire a coach you just hired a year ago? Minnesota was in a different scenario than Dallas because Childress was never a head coach before. Wade Phillips has been around the block and is a little older. Can’t you pull what NBC did with Conan & Leno? Leno is our guy but we don’t want to lose Conan so we’ll promise him the main job in five years. Five years is an eternity for the NFL but something like a two-year wait wouldn’t be bad. Dallas is one of the few premier jobs in the league so something like that might be worth waiting for.

Dogg: Dallas will win a playoff game with Tony Romo. It’s tough beating a team 3 times in one year and might’ve been a different story with a healthy T.O. I don’t think Romo is the problem at all. He’s a very good QB that wants to win as badly as any other player. He’s always positive which you need in order to be a successful QB in this league. Jerry Jones is a tool and don’t want to pretend to be him but that the answer is no.


Q: Ok, how about everyone just take a deep breath and calm down with all of the Romo bashing. This was his first full season as a starting quarterback in the NFL. He lead his team to within a chipshot field goal to win a playoff game last year and this year led the 'Boys to the #1 seed in the NFC. Roughly a year and a half and he has those credentials already. I'd say that's pretty good. He'll be fine as will the rest of this Dallas team.

As for Phillips, I don't really know a lot about him as a coach other than he's never won a playoff game. It seems like he did a pretty good job this year and it would be tough to fire a guy after a 13-win season (though that can happen, can't it Marty Schottenheimer?). I know Garrett is going to garner a lot of attention, but this was his first year as a coordinator. I'd say he needs to prove it at least one more year before you just hand him the reigns to the franchise.

Between Seattle and Jacksonville, who has the better year next year? Both were good teams but weren’t quite good enough this season. Do these teams learn from this year and “bring it” next year?

Dogg: I thought Seattle has been going downward for about 4 years but somehow keep winning their poor division. I personally don’t think they’re that great of a team so I’ll take Jacksonville to have a better year. Garrard came into his own this year and think he will be a premiere QB next year. Del Rio is tough and always has a good defense so they will always compete. If Fred Taylor stays healthy, the Jags could be very dangerous again next year. If Seattle wants to do anything, they better get a running game and that isn’t happening with Shaun Alexander.


Q: Easy, Jacksonville. There are two reasons for this: David Garrard and Shaun Alexander. Garrard just finished his first season as a starter and looked very impressive. One could assume that he will continue that level of play and possibly get better next year. If he does continue his development, with the running game and defense that the Jags have, they could be a very dangerous team in 2008. The other reason why Jacksonville is the easy pick is because Seattle still has Alexander, the human tackling dummy, as their feature back. There might not be a worse starting running back in the NFL than that fucking pussy. He might be the easiest person in the league to tackle. And this is the guy you're going to lean on for yet another season? Really? Good luck with all that.

Fuzz: Tough question. Props to the gentleman who asked it...Haha. Anyways, I think Jacksonville is a lot better team than Seattle, but Seattle plays in a far inferior conference & division than Jacksonville does. I don’t see Seattle losing the division crown even next year. San Francisco? Please! They falter every year after people jump on their bandwagon. Same with Arizona. But at least they were .500 this year and think they are Seattle’s toughest divisional opponent.

The Rams almost went winless so I’m not even including them. That puts Seattle at 10+ wins again. Jacksonville on the other hand still has Indy, Tennessee and a plucky Houston team. I like the Jags though and if they don’t f-up this off-season they could be right there again. Plus, the AFC south is matched up the NFC north next year, so the Jags have one loss from the dominant Vikings squad next year. Even after all that, I still like the Jags to have a better year. The better team always prevails in my opinion. Seattle only “brings it” at home but the Jags will go anywhere and beat the shit out of you--- I like the Jags a lot next year.

Any chance the Giants go into Lambeau field and beat Green Bay? What’s the percentage? Secondly, has Eli arrived as a legit quarterback in this league?

Fuzz: Brett Farve. Freezing cold. That freezing cold statistic we all know. Playoff game. Lambeau field---no chance in hell the Giants win this game. I’m not a betting man but I might put some coin on this game. It was only witnessed by a handful of people on Saturday night but I said I like Green Bay going to the Superbowl and it didn’t matter if they played the Cowboys or the Giants. It’s nothing like Dogg backing them for a long time, but I liked them against anyone after their first game. They are a very good team. Then they got a fucking gift-wrapped present when Tony Homo & the boys choked. Even with the Giants current nine-game road-winning streak (ridics), I still say 0% the Giants win. Eli has cemented himself has a top 10 quarterback in this league with his late season run and now winning two big playoff games.

Q: 0% chance the Giants win. Yeah, I said it. It's going to be butt fucking cold in Green Bay this weekend and Elisha has no shot of winning this game. It's going to be a route. The Pack put up 35 points in the middle of a blizzard and won despite spotting Seattle two touchdowns this past weekend. Seriously, you give a playoff opponent a 14-0 lead 5 minutes into the game and then proceed to beat the piss out of them. Who does that? Captain Vicodin and the Fudge Packers, that's who. Don't be surprised when you see the following line in the newspaper on Monday: Packers 38, Giants 17.


No, Elisha is not legit. Just because you win a couple of playoff games doesn't excuse a below average career. Granted, the state of quarterbacks in the NFL right now is not good, but the younger Manning still has a lot to show me before I call him legit.

Dogg: I liked the Packers since day 1 and I’ll stick with them against the Giants. I don’t see GB losing at home this time of year. I think the chances of NY playing well for a 3rd straight game is about 5%. Eli has always been a solid QB and that is still what he is. He isn’t Peyton but he’s no slouch either.

San Diego and New England don’t seem to like each other, what are your overall thoughts on this game? Is it going to be chippy? A blowout? The best game of the year? Give me a little forecasting…


Q: Things could get interesting in the Northeast this weekend. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that San Diego has much of a chance, but the weather reports have the New England area getting as much as 14 inches of snow between now and the game on Sunday. Weather like that can even up the most lopsided of matchups. Of course, if that d-bag Bellichick gives Maroney a bunch of carries, then the Patriots will have their trip to the desert locked up in no time. But we all know that he wants his boyfriend Brady to get his stats and will throw even when it is not advisable. That will keep this game closer than many think. That said, the Patriots still prevail by the count of 24-21.

Dogg: This will all depend on who is playing for San Diego. They are going to be dinged up and the way Tom Brady is throwing the football, it’s just about impossible to pick against New England right now. Merriman will have to cause some serious havoc if San Diego has a chance. I’ve always said that the team to beat New England will have to have a pass rusher who can get to Brady consistently and make big plays. Cause a fumble or pick to the house is what you need against them to have a shot. Merriman is definitely that guy but don’t think they’ll have the firepower to stick with Brady and Co. It will probably get a little chippy just like every other playoff game should.


Fuzz: I was looking forward to another instant classic between the Colts and the Patriots this weekend but that’s obviously not going to happen. I still like this match-up because in last year’s playoffs the Patriots marched into San Diego, won and then did the Shawn Merriam dance in front of all the fans that pretty much said: Fuck you. The players especially LT, were fired up after that game saying the Patriots were classless. Now they get a great opportunity to return the favor. One thing though, New England hasn’t lost a frickin game. This is my dilemma though: I hate the Patriots and I hate Green Bay. I have great respect for both teams but I’m not a fan. The last thing I want is a Green Bay Superbowl. That would be another blow to the Vikings fan base. I also wouldn’t mind seeing the cocky juggernaut that is New England fall either. However, if San Diego wins and Green Bay wins, I like Green Bay’s chances to win another Superbowl. I’m stuck. Yeah, this sucks…

Last question and it’s an easy one: What’s your Superbowl matchup?

Dogg: New England vs. Green Bay……GB becomes SB champs! Lovin it!!!!!

Q: Packers v. Patriots. It's the easiest and most logical choice at this point.

Fuzz: I’m with the other fellas---New England vs. Green Bay. It’s the majority opinion but I don’t see it any other way. And if you guys see Dogg tied to a large oak tree during a lighting storm it's because of his "lovin it" comment above.

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10 random thoughts

Like the heading says, 10 random thoughts.

Brandon Jacobs should have been fined/suspended/penalized for that crow hop throw against the play clock last weekend. Granted, I laughed out loud when it happened, but that was so stupid. What the hell was he thinking? If he would have broke the glass it would be a much bigger story. Can’t you just hand the ball to the ref or do one-arm spike? I just don’t get running full boar toward the back wall and chucking the ball has hard as you can. One of these times one of these idiots is going to hit a spectator and shit’s going to hit the fan.

Not going to lie, I’m getting a little nervous about the Johan trade right now. Is it ever going to happen? I’m really nervous Billy is getting too comfortable and says: “It’s frickin Johan Santana, if not now, people will bite at the trading deadline this summer.” That’s what you call rolling the dice. To me you have better leverage now before the season starts. Unless a team is convinced a rent a player like Johan will absolutely get them to the World Series, they will under value him because they know the situation we’re in. Trade him now or sign him.


I think Roger Clemens is lying through his teeth in his attempt to prove his innocence. Probably not a big call but I don’t think he’s told the truth once post Mitchell Report.

Blake “make it rain” Hoffarber is my favorite Gopher basketball player since Miles “dirt-lip” Tarver. Kidding, since Bobby Jackson. Bobby J was fucking great as the Big Ten player of the year proved his senior year. Hoff probably won’t get that good but as a freshman he’s showing great promise. I know this might be a little late in the game, but TKOT is claiming Hoff as it’s official Gopher player. We give him are stamp of approval because he’s great at---Catch, Shoot, Splash, Repeat…

Along the same lines, Tubby Smith is my favorite Gopher Basketball coach ever. It should be noted that I don’t remember any coaches before Clem and Monson. Clem cheated and set this program back years and Monson was the wrong Gonzaga coach to hire. Mark Few proved to be the genius on that bench during their magical runs.

As Dogg says, the downfall to Tubby is that we’re going to get players in here that are going to be one & done. NBA bound players. We’re going to have to deal with that he says. Funny & overly optimistic...but maybe true...

I know this was posted on YouTube a long time ago but I ran into it again and forgot how funny it was. The weed consumed before this video had to be momentous. CLIP.

I’m on to the show “Deadwood” now. I just keep jumping to different HBO shows until I catch them all I guess. That’s been the pattern lately. I don’t have HBO so I wait until the seasons finish and rent the DVD’s. It’s actually not a bad way to watch TV. Instead of waiting a week for answers, you can just watch the next immediately.

Anyways, since I’m all caught up with “The Wire,” I needed another show to hook onto. My cousin Nick convinced me to test out “Deadwood.” I’m seven eppy’s into season one and HBO did it again. Another fucking dandy. HBO is insane for TV. The best thing I love about HBO is that they are unbelievably great at character development. You hardly recognize any of the actors, which helps, but they truly know how to make these characters more believable than any other character on a different network. I don’t think it’s a coincidence with the actors playing the roles either, I think it’s an overall network approach.

T.O. crying after the loss against the Giants was one of the strangest clips I’ve ever seen in sports. I don’t think he was joking at all and seemed overwhelmingly sincere. You wanted to feel for the guy then you realized it’s Terrell Owens and he’s one of the bigger prima donnas in all of sports. He lost me when he said that known of his relationships with his quarterbacks went sour and that he’s always had good relationships with his QB’s. Whatever man, stop being a sissy.


Joe Lunardi from ESPN does a weekly braketology segment where he places the teams in a 64-team bracket. Doesn’t matter the time of year, he does brackets all year. What a job! Anyways, you’re #1’s are UNC, Kansas, Memphis and UCLA. No complaints. My team Duke is a #2 seed, which I expect that to change to a #1 at the end of the year. Any disagreements? He also has Minnesota as “last four out” since they made it last week. WTF Joe? A 16 pt comeback win on the road against Penn State and we’re out? Where’s the love? TKOT’s home away from hometown team Marquette is a #3 seed. We need them to get a higher seed this year. The last couple years they fall off at the end and fuck up their seed. Come on fellas, not this year.

American Idol starts up this week. Any fans here? I have to admit it, I am. Call me what you want but it’s one of my shows. Simon is the man, Paula’s hopped up with her guns hanging out all the time and Randy is a “yo dog.”

Out,
Fuzz

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Fuzz's Stew

There is a professional basketball team that plays in Minneapolis. They are called the Minnesota Timberwolves and the play in the Western Conference of the National Basketball Association. They are an actual pro team right here in Minnesota! I’m dead serious.

I thought I would remind all of you of the T-wolves because they are a forgotten franchise right now. They are like a forbidden fruit, a black sheep son, or a dark secret--- no one is talking about them. Maybe rightfully so since they just won their fifth game out of 36 the other night but still, this is a professional franchise! The problem is that they fucking suck...badly. The local newspapers cover them half-heartedly, attendance is in the gutter, fans are wearing paper bags over their heads and the water cooler talk is all but gone. And when you do hear shop talk it’s usually about how bad they are and laced with curses. Like… man the T-wolves fucking blow and Mchale has his head so far up his fucking ass that I can’t stand watching these assholes anymore. If you aren’t getting the picture, it isn’t pretty right now at Target Center.


However, after all of that, I must admit that I’ve followed this team more closely than last year’s team. I still watch a good amount of games, or at least some quarters and definitely check box scores after every game. I’m still fairly plugged in to the squad. Why? I’ve got no flipping idea. I mean let’s be real, they are 5-31, on pace for one of the worst seasons in NBA history. Yet, I get a little excited when McCants has a 25-point night or Bassy drops 10 dimes but we lose by 15 in the same breath. Do I care? Not really. I’ve fully bought into the excuse that we’re young and re-building. Who gives a shit if Dallas comes to your court and blows your doors out? Oh well, we’re young this is expected is my response. Lately I’ve caught myself thinking a little differently about this whole we’re young-who cares attitude.

First off, we should be better than this. Five wins at this point in the season for an NBA team in this day of the NBA is too shitty. Teams are coming off back-to-backs all the time, half the games are played sleepwalking and frankly the league has some shitty teams that you should be able to beat teams at least on your home court. Minnesota’s five wins are too few. When they said they wanted to bottom out, they meant it. Saying this, I can get over the heavy losing if I was convinced this re-building is going to work.

I’m not---I was duped again.

I keep forgetting that I’m putting my faith in Mchale and Taylor who are two of the bigger laughing stocks in the NBA. Why should I have faith in Tweedle dum and Tweedly dee? They’ve messed up pretty much everything they’ve put their hands on with this franchise. The Joe Smith Saga, the non-attempt of surrounding KG with quality players (one year exception), bad contracts (Mark Madsen, Hassell, T-Hud), bad trades where they give up way too much along with draft picks (Jaric and Wally) and missed draft picks (Ndudi Ebi instead of Howard, McCants instead of Granger, & Foye instead of Roy etc...)


(*Note*- The Ebi pick is inexcusable. They blew that completely. Ebi is scoring eight points a game in Pakistan or something and Howard is a stud. I like McCants and think Foye is going to be a good player. But it looks like Granger was a better pick, as does Roy. Roy is an up & coming all-star in his second year only. It doesn’t mean we have chop liver in McCants and Foye but it would be nice to have a pick work out in our favor just once. Has that ever happened? The only one I can think of is the KG pick. Maybe this isn’t even 100% the front offices fault but every pick we’ve made a player close by our pick seems to work out better. Can’t we pick the absolute right guy? It’s so frustrating. )

I’m not sold. That’s the point. I like a few pieces of this team but I’m starting to think this bottoming out plan may never pan out. We might get to the playoffs in a few years but never make a serious run, like we are ought to do. We’ll be back right where we started before we let “The Big Ticket” go. I think I fell into the whole “let’s trade KG, get young guys, build up for the future and be dominant in 4-5 years.” At least that’s what they led us to believe when they traded away the franchise and I bought it.

But the question you need to ask yourself is why do you think this will for sure work out with this guy below running the show?



What the hell was I thinking?

Five T-Wolves Ingredients

Foye is cleared to play. I just read he’s not coming back for another two weeks because he needs to clear some practice tests first. Once he’s fully cleared to do everything, play him 40 minutes a night. He needs to catch up and he’s a big part of the future. Sit Euro-stinky-trash Jaric on the bench. He’ll be fine; he’s dating a Victoria Secret Model.

Shoddy McCants. Bring this guy up to a lady or fella that follows the T-Wolves and they will have an opinion. People either hate him or love him. For some reason people have strong thoughts about this guy. Maybe it’s still some lingering feelings when he compared his UNC college basketball experience to being in the slammer.

Or maybe it’s because he’s our second best player this year and people can’t handle that. Either way, I’m on the love side. Maybe he’s not the best 2nd option but I like him on this team. The haters want him off this team and to have someone to be brought in. I always ask…who? Give me a guy that is attainable that will come to Minnesota that is better than McCants. FYI: Lebron has been campaigning for a player for two years and he’s gotten no one. Who are these mystery good players that we can get?

To put it in print...I’m not a fan of Randy Wittman. I think he’s worthless. Witty’s career record as a head coach is 79-163 yet we gave him the reins to this re-building movement. I would have preferred a younger assistant type guy that the players could relate too more not an aging I’ve sucked my whole career coach.

It would be nice to see Big Gay Al Jefferson get to the All-star game. He has zero chance of getting voted in but I think he should be a coach’s choice. He’s averaging approximately 20 pts and 12 rebounds. That puts him 15th in the West for points and 4th in the West for rebounds. It would be nice for him to get some love.

Antoine Walker is averaging 20 minutes a game and Gerald Green is averaging 12 minutes a game. F-ing change that Witty! You are 5-31 dipshit get all the young guys in there. I don’t care if Green doesn’t know his head from his ass, Walker does nothing for our long term goal.

Out,
Fuzz

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TKOT Roundtable

Well, we couldn’t resist. We’re back with another TKOT roundtable. We love these things. It’s like little vials of heroin for us bloggers. It’s a time for us to get together and talk some shop about our favorite subjects. For this particular roundtable we summoned a tall gentleman named Fitzy Fresh. It proved to be a great choice because the boy has strong words. A little FYI for you guys, if you get summoned for a roundtable you can't back out. It’s in the TKOT reader’s guidelines. You're in no matter what. Anyways, the conversation is about college basketball and I said it was going to be long and I wasn’t kidding. And we go....

Dogg: I hate Duke but I love college hoops, D- James and long walks in the park.

Fuzz: Okkkk, Dogg. Thanks for that. Put down the J and let's talk for real. Did North Carolina solidify themselves as the team to beat with that amazing comeback win against Clemson the other night? Or are they beatable? Personally, I don’t think they are the best team in the land. I know I know I’m a Duke guy but I’m not sold. They have a lot of talent but they don't impress me. Something is missing. Crazy Hansbrough scores a ton but I've never liked him. I know Kansas has trouble in the tourney but I like them the best right now. They are the best team in the land in my opinion.

Fitzy Fresh: I’ve always been a fan of Tar Heel basketball, especially when they’re ranked higher than that team a few miles down the road. As much as I like UNC, I’ve never really been sold on Hansbrough either. No question he works hard, plays strong and is a guy I’d rather play with than against, but there’s just something odd that I can’t put my finger on. Maybe it’s the constant deer-in-the-head-lights look that play-by-play announcers tout as intense concentration or the fact that he has zero basketball mechanics. Whatever it is, I’m not completely locked into him being the player of the year. In fact, I think Ty Lawson is what makes UNC go.


As far as UNC being beatable, I think they are. I think every team is. One of the great things about college hoops is that if you get a cold night of shooting, bad officiating or the fact that the players are teenagers and aren’t always focused - you’ve got the ingredients for an upset. Are they the team to beat? Until they lose, I think they are. Memphis is tough and I really think they did a nice job getting tough non-conference games, but I think they’re weak conference schedule hurts them. I’m actually a much bigger fan of Kansas this year than I have been in year’s past. Did anyone see the fatal mistake Boston College made the other day by waking the sleeping dog? KU got a big lead and then started to get lazy. BC was mounting a comeback, but started to mouth off and get in the grill of the KU players. Big mistake. KU went straight for the jugular and the game was over before BC knew what hit them. That being said, I have a hard time getting in Kansas’ corner after the countless years of early exits in the Big Dance.

Back to the original topic. The UNC / Clemson game was the reason why I love college hoops. Each team was taking each other’s best blows and sending them right back at a furious rate. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a game where the outlet pass, after a make no less, covered so much ground at such a consistent pace. I love the fast paced tempo of the ACC, SEC (and the Big East on occasion). I think we’ll see UNC at the end of the year, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they slip up along the way.

Fuzz: You definitely have words to say young man. Preach baby, Preach. I agree 100% with you Fitzy on Hansbrough. His mechanics are so stupid or non-existent as you say. Pound it inside, make contact and throw up an off balance prayer and hope it goes in. I don't like him at all. Plus, if you piss him off just a little he looks like Jack Nicholson from "The Shining." Not good times for opposing players on the floor.
I know we have like eight undefeated teams right now, but this year doesn't have a front runner yet. Kansas and UNC are top three teams but lost big time players in the draft last year. Florida was "thee team" but now the boys are all gone. I think this year is wide open right now. I think any team in the top 20 can win it all since I don’t see one dominant team yet. I couldn't put my money on one team to make the final four or even maybe the elite eight. Well, maybe Duke...

Q: Of course UNC is beatable. College basketball is a sport where even the best of the best lose a few times throughout the course of the year. That said, right now I do believe they are the best team in the country. When they actually feed Hansbrough the ball in the post (something they were not doing against Clemson) then they have some of the best inside-out game in the country. If you watched that Clemson game, or any other for that matter, then you can see what a special player Wayne Ellington is as well. The kid can flat out score at will--shoot, slash, get to the line, whatever it takes.


I'm with Fitzy though in that Ty Lawson is the most important player on the team. If he's leading the break, pushing the ball, driving and kicking, etc. they are nearly unstoppable. Watch how quickly they score off of made baskets when he's at his best--it's unreal. The problem with Lawson is two-fold. One, he get's way too out of control at times. This leads to terrible turnovers, and often stupid fouls on him. And Carolina can't afford to have him in foul trouble because the second problem is that they don't have another quality point guard when he sits. Oh sure, Quentin Thomas is a nice role player, but he can't handle the rock and is very susceptible to turnovers when there is a press on.

I'd say the only reason that UNC doesn't make the Final Four is because they A) don't give the ball to Hansbrough, and B) have an extremely poor shooting night. They're the closest thing to a lock in the country. I don't want to hear about Memphis, UCLA, Kansas, etc. None of those teams have the variety of high quality players, proven coach, and reputation that the Heels do.

Fuzz: Ok, enough about those Tar Heels. They've gotten enough love. What do you guys think about the Big Ten this year? It seems obvious to me that it's a two-team race between Indiana and Michigan State. Both are tough at home but I'd go with Indiana as the best right now. Watching highlights of that Eric Gordon kid makes a T-Wolves fan like myself salivate. I wouldn't mind him running shop next year at the Target Center.


Fitzy Fresh: I think you’re right that the Big Ten conference championship is between Michigan State and Indiana. I’m not sure I could pick one over the other right now. Eric Gordon is arguably the best freshman in the country and DJ White is tough to stop when he’s motivated. That being said, Michigan State is as well coached and hard nosed a team as there is out there. If I had to pick one, I think I might lean towards Indiana for the simple fact that they have DeAndre Thomas – 6’8” 295. Apparently he’s lost like 25 pounds. If he drops anchor in the lane, say good night. The kid moves like a fox, too.

Fuzz: I wasn’t nuts--- Mich. St. and Indiana are the only two teams in the whole Big Ten that are on the map. That’s frustrating for a Big Ten fan like myself. When I was growing up the Big Ten was held in high regard but now it seems to have taken a back seat to the ACC, Big East, SEC and Pac 10. I don’t think it beats those four conferences. Hopefully the addition of high profile coaches (Tubby, Matta, Sampson & Beilein) the last few years bring it back to a higher profile.


Besides the top dogs like M-State, Indiana, Wisconsin, & Ohio State the other programs haven’t done anything the last 5-8 years. Being a Minnesota sports homer I really hope Tubby brings this program back on the National map. I don’t think he gets to the big dance like someone here (Dogg) believes but I think we can get to the sweet 16 in two years. That would make the Gophers the toughest ticket in town. I love college basketball and I would love to have a team close by to follow die hardily.

Fitzy Fresh: You better believe it! In two years the Gophers will be a force to be reckoned with. They’ll be lead by Ralph Sampson III and Michael “The Best One Yet” Fitzgerald.

Q: Not only is it a 2 horse race, but no one else is even trailing closely behind. The Spartans and Hoosiers are twice as good as every one else in the Big 11, and at this point, I'd give the slight edge to Indiana. Eric Gordon might be the best player in the country. I watched the Indiana-Michigan game last night and E Go was unstoppable. He has an amazing arsenal at his disposal--dunks, pull up jumpers, triples from 7 feet beyond the arc, etc. It's amazing. Combine that with the force that White brings under the basket, and I think the two of them are a more dynamic and complete combo than Morgan and Neitzel at MSU.

You’re right Fuzz, Gordon definitely wouldn't look bad in the forest green and blue--if Beasley's already gone when we pick...

Fuzz: Alright, we’ve held out long enough. I think we need to talk about the other TKOT team. The Gophers get pub here and will be getting more, but I'm talking about The Marquette Eagles. We have a vested interest in them since Fitzy Fresh here has a brother on the team. They are our home team outside our home state. We travel to Milwaukee a couple times a season and watch them play in person…in really good seats. Anyways, MU is still a top team in the Big East but aren't playing that well and are squeaking by teams right now. Let's give Fitzy Fresh (the most biased opinion) the first crack at them before the TKOT fellas take a crack at them.


Fitzy Fitz: You opened a can of worms…

The Marquette Golden Eagles have given me unparalleled (sports related) joy and managed to take 6-7 years off my life in a matter of three years. Having ties to a program (DFTFC President and Founder) that sits with one leg in the dark and the other in the national spot light has proven to be the ultimate roller coaster ride. This year’s team is by far the most talented and the most tenured. Sounds like all the right pieces, but I’m afraid that MU has a handful issues they need to resolve soon if they hope to avoid a fate similar to those of recent years.

The biggest issue (at the moment) is recognizing and efficiently breaking down a half court zone defense. The problem isn’t that the Golden Eagles can’t shoot; it’s that they continually have the wrong guys taking the bulk of the long distance shots. Marquette is known for and considered by some (Bob Huggins) to be one of the premier teams at breaking down a defender and getting to the rim. However, as strong as some of those players may be at getting to the cup, they are equally as bad at hitting a shot from long range. If MU can limit the number of outside shots by their trigger-happy guards and set-up their best percentage outside shooters, they’ll force teams to play man D, which is basically throwing in the towel. If they can’t, then MU can expect to see a lot of zone and a lot of games in the loss column.

The second largest issue is rebounding. MU is not a tall, big or stereotypically physical team. They are, however, one of the most tenacious defensive teams in college. The games where they struggle are those in which they don’t rebound well. With an uneven number of guards on this roster - thanks to excellent recruiting - there is no reason they shouldn’t have five guys on the defensive boards. They have enough personnel and speed to be able to give each other spells and push the tempo. If they continue to only have the MU “big men” handle the rebounding, they’re doomed to be in constant foul trouble and over matched in the post.

The third and final issue MU needs to address (I could talk about MU forever, but will spare you all my rantings) is offensive balance. You could argue that Marquette could compete with just about anyone when they have 4-5 guys carrying the offensive load. They have star power in a few players, but they are most effective and the most dominant when they share the wealth. One upside to having quality-driving guards is that it opens up easy looks for teammates.


Nothing is better for players then to get a couple easy hoops to get their confidence up. If they can continue to share the rock and look to set one another up, I’m excited for the possibilities. I predict (and hope) the Golden Eagles of Marquette to finish in the top three spots of the Big East. I think with some focused play and maybe a little help from other teams they could even win the conference, but it won’t be easy and they could even slip to the middle of the pack if they aren’t careful. As an admittedly bias fan, I think they will get past the first round of the NCAA tourney this year. WE ARE MARQUETTE!!

Fuzz: Get some fucking fresh air Fitzy and another cocktail. That was insanely awesome and in-depth. He just did that whole rant like Will Ferrell did in the debate part from the movie “Old School.” He had no idea what just happened.

Q: There's not a lot I can say about MU that El Presidente (Fitzy) didn't already cover. I love watching the team, but the inconsistent shooting and lack of size concern me a great deal. While D James has gotten better, he tends to force during big games and often gets "injured" if said game is being televised. His shooting last year was atrocious, so it's nice to see that it has improved this year. The most frustrating thing about James and the other members of "The Big Three" (McNeal and Matthews) is that they haven't improved in either physical ability or basketball IQ in three years (something I'm sure Dogg will address as well). They have the talent to win 1 and possibly 2 games (3 if they absolutely shoot the lights out) in the Tourney, but I'm afraid they're inconsistency and lack of IQ--both in the players and in the coach--might spell yet another One and Done year.

Fuzz: Fitzy is too humble not to mention his brother and his brothers impact. I’ll take care of that. Simply, they need to play Danny Fitz and Cubillian more. They are the only two consistent outside shooters on the team. Every other guard/forward sucks balls at shooting J’s but are good slashers. Teams zone the hell out of them and force them to shoot outside shots. If those sucking balls shooters aren’t shooting well, they’re screwed. Pretty simple. Floppy-top Coach Crean needs to mix in those shooters early & often to open up the lanes for the slashers for the rest of the game. Hopefully as the season wears on here, Floppy-top will figure this out. Anyways, last topic of the night. Out of the top 25 teams right now, who do you guys like that no one is really talking about?

Q: I've said this before, I love the Washington State Cougars.

I just don't get why they are a team that falls into the category of "teams no one is talking about". They are undefeated, play the best defense in the country, and have a minimum of 3 athletic, smart guards who can get a crucial bucket when needed. They play in the best conference in the country (Pac 10) so I know that they aren't likely to run the table, but they will beat some very good teams this year, especially at home and are going to be a force. They will make the Elite 8 with an outside shot to be in the Final Four. Bank on it. (and if they don't, my brackets will be absolutely shot this March)

Fuzz: I'm into the Tennessee Volunteers right now. The best thing to say about them is that they have a great experienced backcourt. A crucial aspect to have in college basketball. Good guards open up everything for every other player on the court. Tennessee has two senior guards---Chris Lofton and JaJuan Smith. The second name isn’t a mis-spelling. That’s his real name. Whatever. Anyways, both these guys are great and are the leaders of 8th ranked Tennessee. Plus, they have coach Bruce Pearl. He’s the guy that went to the Tennessee women’s game last year with his chest painted. He’s a lunatic but he’s awesome. Keep an eye on this team.

Fitz: If you couldn’t tell, I kind of like Marquette. For obvious reasons…

Until next time,
TKOT

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Update!

Ladies and Gentleman-

Just to give you a quick update...we suck. Actually we’ve sucked the last week about. You haven’t really seeing anything up here from us lately. Our man Sauer came up huge with articles last Thursday and Friday but nothing from the real talent. Ha. However, we do have a roundtable that will be coming up at the latest tomorrow. It’s going to make up for our suckiness because it’s going to be long. You might need a good 3-4 days to read everything. Start stashing your computer desks with perishable food items and overly expensive bottled water because you're going to need it.

In the meantime, a pal of mine, K-Balls sent me these two articles below. It’s a sarcastic/pessimistic/hilarious view of the Twin Cities broken up to Minneapolis and St. Paul. It's a good read. It has three pages to each so find the flipping other pages beyond the first one you idiots. If you live in this area you’ll love it.

MPLS Breakdown

St. Paul Breakdown

See you tomorrow...

Type rest of the post here

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Voices from a Stranger Part 2...

If you enjoyed the NFC portion of this preview, then you’ll love the AFC! This post includes references to bursting burritos, cutting meat, explosive diarrhea, tough ass steak, consistency in rice, and medium salsa.

**TKOT note** We would like to thank "Sauer" for putting in the time and effort to preview the NFL Playoffs. The three of us are still a little hungover from New Years so having the NFL playoff piece written from a "stranger" was a great save for TKOT. Thanks man!

1) Bursting Burrito = New England Patriots


Anyone who frequents Chipotle as much as I do should be well aware of a phenomenon that comes along once in every 100 or so burritos. I am talking about the infamous double-wrapper! For those of you who have not been exposed to this phenomenon, a double-wrapper is when you order a burrito that gets so stuffed with ingredients that there is no possible way that it can all fit into a single tortilla. The burrito is so stacked with greatness that when the Chipotle employee tries to make the burrito take form, the tortilla splits down the middle, spilling the contents all over the place. In order to deliver your burrito as promised, they are forced to wrap it with a second tortilla!

This reminds me of the 2007 Patriots, who are so stacked at nearly every position that their team is bursting at the seams. They are a team that only comes around every 100 years, and are clearly a class above the rest. Much like the 2007 season is a high point for Patriots fans; a double-wrapper burrito is the highest point in the life of a Chipotle connoisseur. Those who receive a double-wrapper burrito have bragging rights like none other, and often alienate their friends with their constant bragging… which is very similar to how badly everyone in America hates Patriots fans right now.

Everyone hates the guy who forces the Chipotle employees to make a double-wrapper, and most of this hate stems from jealousy. Yes, they are jealous of their good fortunes, and openly resent them for it. This is what is happening to the Patriots right now. Football fans outside of New England are just jealous because they wish that their favorite team could put together a double-wrapper squad.

* Please note that a double-wrapper should never be confused with a hood rat or skank, but if you are confused enough to get with a hood rat or skank, you better make sure that you double-wrap.

2) Tortilla –Indianapolis Colts


Over the past several years, you couldn’t watch the AFC playoffs without seeing the Colts as a top 3 seed. It’s gotten to the point where the Colts are as synonymous with playoff football as a Tortilla is to a Chipotle burrito. The Tortilla is always there, it’s always solid, but rarely spectacular.

Let me let you in on a little secret, though. Chipotle actually tastes much better without the Tortilla (in the form of a Burrito Bol), and the playoffs would be much better without hearing Peyton Manning say “cut that meat” every 5 seconds. That dude is so over exposed that I actually view him as an actor first, a fantasy football player second, and an actual football player third. Earlier this season I saw him throw a 70 yard touch down pass and was like “wait, Peyton Manning can throw the ball 70 yards? He’s more than just an actor?” True story.

3) Tomatillo Red Chili Hot Salsa = San Diego Chargers


On a peak day, both the Chargers offense and the hot salsa can be explosive! The Chargers are explosive because of their numerous weapons, while the hot sauce is explosive because of its game changing AP potential. No, I’m not talking about rookie sensation Purple Jesus (Adrian Peterson), but rather another form of AP that involves pissing out of ones ass. Much like the Chargers offensive potential, if you don’t watch out while eating Chipotle’s hot salsa, you could be in for a long day of watery bowel movements.

On the other hand, there are several days where I can eat the hot salsa without any rectal repercussions. These are similar to the days where San Diego looks mediocre on the field, and plays the role of underachievers. Throw in Norv “the Coach is KILLING ME” Turner, and the Chargers in the playoffs are quite volatile; much like your lower intestines after eating the hot salsa.

4) Steak – Pittsburgh Steelers


There is nothing manlier than steak, and there is not a manlier city out there than Pittsburgh Steelers. Ben Roethlisberger eats steaks, drinks beers and rides motorcycles. Mike Tomlin is possibly a bigger hard ass than Bill Cowher. Playing in a town like Pittsburgh, a team has to be tough as nails, and Hines Ward and company definitely have that down.

The steak at Chipotle is also very tough; and I’m not sure that’s a good thing. When I’m eating a burrito, I want the ingredients to blend together into a flavor explosion. No single ingredient should dominate, and nothing should get in the way of burrito harmony. Unfortunately, the steak dominates a Chipotle burrito with its toughness, and makes the entire experience less than optimal. While it may be manly to eat steak, it takes an even bigger man to proclaim that there is no place for steak in a Chipotle burrito. Let the comment bashing commence.

Both the steak at Chipotle and this year’s Steelers have some fatal flaws that prevent them from really being a major threat. While both are tough and manly, their reputation alone isn’t going to get it done for me. I don’t see the Steelers going very far in this years playoffs.

5) Cilantro Lime Rice – Jacksonville Jaguars


Jacksonville is like Cilantro Lime Rice because they are consistently decent, but never steal the show. The Rice always tastes consistently great, but you never find yourself ordering rice by itself or asking for extra Rice on your burrito. The Jags are sound fundamentally, well coached, and always a solid contributor, but much like their Rice counterpart, you never find yourself at Chipotle saying “hey, how about this Rice?” How many times this year have you said to yourself “Hey, how about the Jaguars?”

Shit, they are so far off the national media’s radar that Fred Taylor didn’t even get voted into the Pro Bowl! That’s a travesty! A career 10,000 yard rusher has the best season of his career, and he still has never gone to a Pro Bowl? That’s gotta be a pain in the groin for Fred… which hopefully doesn’t keep him out for the playoffs (sorry, I couldn’t resist the obligatory Fred Taylor crotch shot). The Rice is the catalyst for any good burrito, just like Jacksonville will act as a catalyst for a fine AFC playoffs.

6) Medium (Corn) Salsa - Tennessee Titans


Wow, the titans really threw me off. I had the Browns penciled into this slot since week 15, and I thought they were a lock to either win their division, or at least make the playoffs. Fast forward to the Wild Card Round, and they are nowhere to be found. Instead, they were usurped by the Tennessee freaking Titans. I don’t even know what to say, and it took me way too much time to figure out which ingredient to compare them to. I finally decided on the Corn Salsa, which is pretty much by default.

Here’s my case: the corn salsa pretty much sucks. I don’t like it, I don’t care for it, and I rarely order it. As far as I know, watching the titans sucks as well! Basically, it’s a defensive masterpiece (or offensive atrocity), with tons of turnovers, and ultimately Vince Young pulling a game winning drive out of his ass. I haven’t seen them play this year, so the above sentences are all speculation, but I HAVE watched them on my Yahoo! Fantasy Sport stat tracker, and I believe my synopsis to be correct.

Anyway, I do give them credit for a few things, like Vince Young breaking the madden curse, LenDale White getting so fat that he looks like he got “stung by bees”, and Albert Haynesworth going from the “guy who stomped on that other dudes head” to being their defensive MVP. Plus, each year that they make the playoffs, we are rewarded with two more years of Jeff Fischer’s mustache! Sweet stache’ bro.

Honorable Mention

Sour Cream and Cheese = Cleveland Browns

This season, the Cleveland Browns were like the Sour Cream and Cheese at Chipotle because they were everyone’s favorite! Nobody goes through a Chipotle line without getting excited for Sour Cream and/or Cheese, much like nobody scanned the box scores this fall and didn’t get excited for the Browns high scoring offense! Somehow, the stars aligned, and all of the offensive talent the Browns had been stockpiling put it all together and had a very surprising season of success. I am deeply saddened that these guys didn’t make the playoffs, so I hope mentioning them here serves as some sort of consolation.

Playoff Picks

First Round

BUCCANEERS over Giants

SEAHAWKS over Redskins

Titans over CHARGERS

Jaguars over STEELERS

Second Round

COWBOYS over Buccaneers

PACKERS over Seahawks

COLTS over Jaguars

PATRIOTS over Titans

NFC Champions – Chicken (GB)

AFC Champions – Bursting Burrito (NE)

Super Bowl Champions – Bursting Burrito (NE)

Out,
Sauer

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Voices from a Stranger...

Hey readers, here is another rant from an other source besides us three geniuses. If you don't remember this feature is a guest writer's opinion on whatever they like. If you feel you’d like to do this just email the tkontoast@gmail.com address and let us know. You can email that address to see if we already have one in line for that week or email your post for us to review. Also, if it’s not good it’s not going up. We are honest SOB’s that will say...hell no!

Without further ado, this week’s entry comes from one of our long time cronies that we met back in St. Paul in the hall that is Brady. Three contests that you will lose against him: 1) A drinking contest, 2) An Arizona Basketball trivia contest and 3) anything Chipotle contest. This all-star takes a look at the playoffs that are upon us. Part one here takes a look at the NFC and the AFC will be up tomorrow. Enjoy.

Burrito Bol 2008 – NFC Playoffs Preview

This column is devoted to two of my favorite things in the world; Chipotle burritos and the NFL playoffs. Putting my Sauer twist on the upcoming NFL playoffs, I have decided to compare each playoff team to an ingredient from a Chipotle burrito.

We’ll start first with our NFC Preview, since nobody seems to think the NFC has a shot this year (or 6 of the past 7 years for that matter), I will showcase these teams first. Be sure to stay tuned for the AFC preview, which will be available tomorrow. Teams are ordered by their conference seed.

1) Fajita Burrito = Dallas Cowboys


I don’t really care much about the Cowboys this year, and I think they are a bit overrated. So for this preview I consulted my roommate Ty, who despite being a lifelong MN resident, is somehow a Dallas Cowboys fanboy du jour. I don’t know how he could be more loyal to the team from the town that Debbie did than the hometown Vikes, but I think it has something to do with his dad’s inexplicable love of the Yankees. Sports bigamy is a tell tale sign of bad parenting.

When I asked Ty to compare his beloved Cowboys to something at Chipotle, he said “that’s easy, they are the fajita burrito, because they have something for everyone”. I thought he was crazy, but when pro bowl nominations came out, and Dallas had an astonishing 11 pro bowl players (11!!), I realized that they really do have something for everyone.

As I mentioned previously, I don’t really care about the Cowboys, so I’m not going to talk about all 11 players and how they fit into this analogy individually. Instead, I am going to talk about the sexual tension/jealousy between TO and Tony Romo over Jessica Simpson. Actually, I’m not going to talk about that either, because it has already been covered by thousands of other sports bloggers. No, I am going to pose a question that should have been asked years ago:

Is Terrell Owens a virgin?

Seriously, is this guy the AC Green of the NFL or what? I don’t really have any evidence supporting my virgin theory, except for one thing; the man sleeps every night in a hyperbaric chamber. How can he make sexy time when he is always zipped up in a cocoon? What woman would put up with that type of relationship? I think that this is the reason why TO is so upset with Romo for banging celebrity hotties; he’s carrying his v-card and the sexual tension is killing him.

2) Chicken = Green Bay Packers


When I’m ordering a burrito, I find myself consistently choosing Chicken because it’s healthy, consistent, and has great flavor. While I’m sad to admit it, the consistency resembles the career of Brett Favre. Much like the Chicken, Favre has a great competitive spirit, is not very flashy, and is always consistent (minus the 2005-2006 seasons where he had the equivalent of the Avian flu). We have been watching Brett Favre throw footballs for as many years (16) as Don Majkowski’s mullet has been out of style.

This guy is a class act on the field who has been plugging away for years, and has set (or is on the verge of setting) nearly every career record for a quarterback. Compare this to the Chicken at Chipotle, and you will find that Chicken is easily the most ordered meat item on the menu, and has shattered every known career and single season record for meat in a burrito. Given my loyalty to the Vikings, it pains me each day to see how successful Brett Favre’s career has been over the past two decades. This guy was their QB while I first started growing pubes, and he was the QB the first time I kissed a girl when I turned 26. Now my pubes are grey, much like Brett’s hair, and the Packers are a front runner to return to the Super Bowl.

Random side note: I was watching There’s Something about Mary the other night and thought two things: 1) This movie is still solid, and holds up very well even though it’s like 10 years old and 2) How could Brett Favre have been in love with Mary when he has a wife and kids? Also, why would he wait around for Mary after getting dumped by her years earlier? He’s an NFL star, and he’s crying over lost poon? What is wrong with this guy? Then I remembered something; Painkillers.

3) Mild Salsa = Seattle Seahawks


I put mild salsa on 90+% of my burritos, and I’m proud of it! It is consistent, it is good, and it enhances my overall burrito experience. It is not overwhelming in any way, and is a good compliment to nearly any burrito configuration. This consistency and ability to blend in with their surroundings reminds me of the Seattle Seahawks, who have amazingly been in the playoffs for 6 consecutive seasons! This is a pretty surprising stat, considering that Seattle was a joke of a football team for decades before their current streak. You’ve gotta respect this team for being able to stay consistently decent when NFL teams fluctuate so freely from year to year.

Mild salsa accomplishes the same thing, by always being there for me, no matter what type of mood I am feeling at Chipotle. While my choice of meat, fixings and tortilla/bol may change on a daily basis, mild salsa is consistently part of my Chipotle order. This reminds me of pretty much everything Seattle does this year. They aren’t as flashy as they used to be, don’t put up good stats, and they really are one of the worst 10-6 teams I can think of in recent memory (Look at their schedule. They would have an RPI of like 120 if they were a college basketball team.)

Even their endorsement contracts are mild in comparison to other NFL players. I can only remember Shaun Alexander being in one commercial this year, and that was with the Fat one from N Sync. Hasselbeck is even worse, only being in a Qwest commercial if my memory serves correctly… and to add insult to injury, his brother gets to bone that hot girl from Survivor. You can have your NFC Championship, Matt, I’ll take Elizabeth in a heartbeat. I have no idea what that has to do with the playoffs or Chipotle.

4) Black Beans = Tampa Bay Buccaneers


I haven’t seen them play at all this year, but somehow the Bucs are 9-7 and earned themselves a 4 seed. That’s pretty darn good for a team that nobody talks about (well, other than Dogg, who has a man crush on Jeff Garcia). Their ability to lurk in the shadows of media attention reminds me most of the Black Beans at Chipotle. Chipotle’s Black Beans taste pretty good, and make a solid contribution to the burrito experience. However, they really don’t stand out as a killer ingredient and for the most part I can take them or leave them. Never in my life have I ever gone to Chipotle and claimed an absolute need to consume Black Beans.

With that said, even though I never crave Black Beans, perhaps it’s something I should be ingesting more frequently. Did you know that Chipotle’s Black Beans only have 130 calories, 1 gram of fat (none saturated) and 9 grams of protein? Those are all pro numbers for a burrito ingredient! On the other hand, this year’s Tampa Bay squad had exactly 0 All Pro selections!

While the Bucs don’t have any all pros, they work well together as a team, and just find a way to win games. This is reminds me of the two months in 2005 when I would eat a can of black beans as my entire dinner, and I never felt healthier. They are filling enough to keep you from having cravings later in the night, they taste decent, and they are nutritious. Simply put, they got it done for me. In fact, if it weren’t for the violent spats of ass perfume attributed to the beans, they would have become my staple. Since Tampa is my February home, I wish I could say the same for the Buccaneers. With Black Beans, you’re going to experience some serious gas. With the Bucs, I think their playoff hopes will run out of gas in Round 1.

5) Salad = New York Giants


For the girliest possible thing you can eat at Chipotle, I nominate the girliest player in the NFL, Eli Manning. I have had a vendetta out for this guy ever since the 2004 Draft when he pouted at the podium while holding up his San Diego Chargers jersey. Cry me a river you fucking baby. Go eat a salad, you fucking tossers. In fact, go eat 10. It’ll just prove that you and the Giants are a bunch of lightweights who don’t deserve 1/10 of the attention you receive.

If the Giants weren’t in New York, nobody would care about them. They are the team that I hate the most in the NFL (even more than the Packers). Ever since they stole our signals and beat us 41-0 in the 2000 NFC championship, I have been openly rooting for them to fail in every way possible.

For example, I hope that Tiki Barber fails at announcing because people kept complaining that his teeth were too white for their HD television set. I also hope that it comes out that Najeh Davenport actually pooped in Jeremy Shockey’s clothes hamper when they were teammates at Miami. FNY.

6) Tomatillo Green Chile Salsa (Medium Hot) - Washington Redskins


The second hottest salsa available at Chipotle is much like the second hottest team in the NFL; the Washington Redskins. Ever since the tragic death of Sean Taylor, this team has been on fire. If not for the Patriots, this team could easily be considered the hottest team in the NFL right now, and for good reason. They are doing what they need to do to win games against playoff bound teams (although the Dallas game should have an * attached).

I don’t think they will go very far in the playoffs, since they don’t really carry their weight when compared to the other playoff teams, and I’m not really sure how far they can go playing purely on emotion (Todd Collins on the road at Qwest Field? I don’t think so). This is a lot like how I feel about the medium-hot salsa at Chipotle. Sure, it’s pretty good, and there are times where I really get fired up about it, but there are so many other options to put into the burrito, that the medium-hot rarely sees the light of day.

When I’m in line at Chipotle, and I have my choice of salsa and other ingredients, medium-hot doesn’t stand a chance. Neither do the Redskins in this years playoffs. They are the feel good story of the second half of the season, but unfortunately, that will most likely lead to an early exit from the playoffs; not unlike the “early exit” some of us experience shortly after consuming the tomatillo green chile salsa.

Bonus/Honrorable Mention

Barbacoa and Carnitas = Minnesota Vikings


*Note, I wrote this after the Vikings win in week 15 made them 8-6 and the playoffs seemed like a sure thing. Boy was I wrong! Feel free to laugh at my analysis in retrospect!

The Barbacoa and Carnitas at Chipotle are among the most unknown, yet most fulfilling items on the Chipotle menu. While one is made of beef (Barbacoa) and the other is pork (Carnitas), both are cooked slowly and marinated in spices until they are ready for the prime time. Once the flavors start to join together, the Barbacoa and Carnitas begin make up some of the tastiest ingredients in a Chipotle burrito. This reminds me of my beloved Vikings, who are a team that over the past two seasons have added several positive ingredients to help rebuild their team. This has helped them clean up their act, and now they are doing their best to build a team for the future.

I’ll be the first to admit that the Vikings have had some troubles over the past few years (a sex boat, lots of player arrests, a certified mentally retarded coach, a fat Billionaire owner from Texas, players not playing hard, QB’s getting their “roll on” after every pedestrian TD, an All Pro OT’s premature death, an All Pro Center’s season ending hernia, stairwell lovin’, bad play calling, starting untested QB’s, and Fred Smoot sucking ass). However, since Zygi Wilf took over, this team has completely changed their course starting with the 2006 season. Watching these guys 16 games a year, I keep on forgetting that it hasn’t even been 2 seasons since we started rebuilding.

It is the rebuilding of the Vikes that I feel most resembles the Barbacoa and Carnitas from Chipotle. With the Barbacoa, you start fresh with a beef roast and braise it with Chipotle Adobo, cumin, cloves, garlic and oregano. Similarly, the Carnitas involve searing naturally raised pork, and then braising it for hours in the finest seasonings available. The Vikings started fresh with a base of a few solid (and morally sound) players, and then drafted players and signed free agents to fill their holes. The Vikings who remained after the 2005 season were the beef/pork, and the players we drafted and free agents we signed are the spices that make everything taste great.

Throw the meat and the spices together, and braise it for a LONG period of time and the final product begins to take form. At Chipotle, this is a daily process of flavors blending together, and the recipe always yields perfection. With the Vikings, it is a little different. Unfortunately, things aren’t as cut and dry in the National Football League as they are in the restaurant business. You can add all of the proper elements, but timing is always the most important factor. For an NFL team, it often takes years for the ingredients to meld together and produce positive results. Unfortunately, during this time, it’s almost impossible to be a fan of your team while they are “rebuilding”. Even if you realize that there is a formula for the success of your favorite football team, it’s nearly impossible to watch them on a weekly basis. At the 9 week point of this season, I had given up hope on the Vikings being competitive this season. They were 3-6 and had just been blown out by the Packers.

Then something happened. The Vikings stopped sucking. Purple Jesus became the subject of our collective football wet dreams, the Williams sisters played their best tennis since Wimbledon, T Jax actually resembled a capable NFL QB, Troy Williamson was benched, EJ Henderson was like “Napoleon who?”, Darren Sharper reinvigorated himself, and Antoine Winfield decided to place the name “Fragile” on his jersey (he must be Italian). All of the sudden, the Vikings were no longer “rebuilding”, but instead they were living in the NOW.

Call it an easy schedule, call it a fluke… but don’t call me late for a Barbacoa bol with Guacamole and chips. The Vikings may not win a game in this years playoffs, but we are already beginning to see some major positive effects since my man Zygi took over 2 years ago. Go Vikes!

Out,
Sauer

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