Under Review: Week 15

Five NFL questions. We all drank a bunch of Mountain Dew and ate Twizzler's right before we answered these so this is pretty long. We were hopped up. It's like a 5th grade girls slumber party up in here.

Give me one thing you liked about the Vikings fifth straight win and one thing you are worried about going into the last games.

Dogg: One thing that I liked is that we lost the turnover battle 4-1 but still managed to come out with a W. You don’t see teams win ballgames with a turnover ratio like that often so it was nice to see that we could overcome some of those mistakes and battle through it. One thing I’m worried about is the turnovers we made. TJ looked like he was trying to do too much with the football and that’s not his game. Tuck the ball away and either take the sack or run with it. He’s quick and strong so I would like to see him elude players more and run for positive yardage. Overall it was good seeing that we don’t have to play well to win games but come playoff time that will change.


Q: I think that the main thing you've got to like about last night's game is simply the fact that we won. As Dogg kept saying during the game, "typical Minnesota team: doesn't show up when they need to." As Minnesota sports fans, we're used to seeing our teams break our hearts. In recent Vikings history, we've seen this exact scenario play out where we battle to get into the playoff picture only to get knocked out by a horrible team like the Cardinals. The fact that we battled through an absolutely brutal game and still got the W is a major plus.

I'm a bit concerned with AD's play again this week. I know he's still using that brace and his knee isn't 100%, but he really didn't look very good. Consider that of his 78 yards, 31 came on one run late in the game and his numbers aren't exactly impressive. Also keep in mind that said run came on a botched play, as did his second touchdown, and it's even more concerning. He still has flashes of the AP we've grown to love, but he's definitely not there yet and we need him to be ADRIAN PETERSON! if we are going to win in the playoffs.

Fuzz: I liked are all Purple uni’s we sported in front of the whole nation on Monday night. Really cool. We looked like a bunch of Barney’s frolicking around the field. Awesome. In all seriousness, it was our defense. I know we were playing against an under achieving Bears team with a Javier Bardem look-a-like as their QB but our D is playing championship contending-in your face defense right now. The last five games we’ve given up like 13 points a game. That’s a great sign.

"No Country for Old Men" star Javier Bardem aka Kyle Orton

The thing that worried me is two-part but it mostly involves Tarvaris Jackson. The first part is that teams are really stacking the line to stop All Day from beating them. He still had 80 yards and two scores but is having a harder time breaking free. That brings me back to the second part that involves T-Jack. What worried me is that T-Jack had a bit of a set back in his maturation process and now teams will try to follow that same game plan that San Fran and Chicago did, which is: Put all your eggs into the stop the run basket and let T-Jack beat us game plan. Our teams success, our running success, our offense success still hinges on T-Jack playing smart and beating the other team on crucial situations like when they have eight in the box.

Any concerns for Dallas or are they still the cream of the NFC?

Fuzz: No concerns from this cat. I still think they are the best team in NFC. Obviously the only other team that contends with them is the Packers and Dallas beat them already this year. They both have two losses with one bad loss each. Green Bay to Chicago and now Dallas to Philly. As long as they don’t mess up here the last two weeks they’ll still have homefield throughout the playoffs and will be just dandy. The real question is who is better between Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood? Everyone, including me, is sick of the story that Simpson at the game affected Romo’s play.

But I’m not sick of who’s the better catch between Blond Bombshell Jessica Simpson and Blond Biscuit Carrie Underwood? Wow, this is like picking between a Peanut Buster Parfait and Cookie Dough blizzard at DQ. Tough choice but I’m going with Underwood. Simpson has that lunatic father that I would want to run through a wood chipper like in the movie “Fargo” after about two months so I'm going with Carrie.

Dogg: I think Dallas is fine but they better get T.O. the ball next week otherwise he’s not going to be a happy camper going into the season finale / playoffs and that’s the last thing they need right now. Also, run the football a little bit. It’s cold and rainy in New England last week and they even gave Maroney 26 carries. Give Barber and Jones the ball if Romo is struggling a little bit. Both are good RB’s so let the field open up a little bit for Romo to go to work. Pass, pass, pass isn’t going to win this team a title.

Q: Depending on the severity of Romo's thumb injury, I'd say that I wouldn't be very worried if I was a Cowboys fan. Every team has a game where things just don't go right, especially against a division rival. Granted, it was their second iffy effort in a row, but let's watch their game with Carolina this week before we take away their title as the best team in the NFC. The still have the big guns (Owens, Romo, Witten, Barber), and they could easily rattle off 42 points on Saturday and erase all ill thoughts of them. If they struggle against the Panthers, on the other hand, well...

Is Fred Taylor immortal? Is he getting better? Staying on the running back line give me your two favorite running backs in the league?


Dogg: Fred Taylor always has been a good RB in this league but we all know that his nickname “Fragile Fred” sums up his career. He does have the most rushing yards by any RB who has never made a Pro Bowl but that might and should change this year. They are a running team in my mind which tells me opponents are always sniffing out the run but he has been able to break long runs and also power his way for the tough yards. His talent is probably second to nobody in this league but finally has stayed healthy for an entire season and is showing how good he can be...Two favorite backs in the league are Brian Westbrook and LT. Westbrook because his ultimate display of “team game” last week. There is no other RB in this league who falls short of the end zone in that situation. LT because he’s on my fantasy team and is an absolute fantasy football machine. Being that I consider myself a top 100 fantasy football owner in this country, it’s very important to me that my players perform every week which LT has.

Q: Here's the thing about Fragile Fred: he's not fragile anymore. He hasn't been for a number of years now either. To be honest, I think the fact that he did only play 8-11 games a year for that stretch early in his career has allowed him to still be this good now. He's not as worn out as a running back of his age should be. Add to that the MJD factor giving him some rest and not having to worry a ton about catching the ball out of the backfield, and we really shouldn't be surprised that he's still playing well.

Best or favorite RB's? If we're going fav's here, then my NFC picks are AP and Brian Westbrook. I don't care what you say, I'm a homer and watching Peterson run every week has added years to my life. He's flat out amazing. Westy has been amazing over the last few years, and you have to watch in awe as he catches balls out of the backfield, but still is able to pound it between the tackles as well. Oh, and that clock killing play was awesome too. In the AFC, I'm going with Jamal Lewis and Laurence Maroney. Why?

Well, Lewis because you have to respect a guy who can spend some time in the clink and still run the ball effectively in the NFL (he might even be an inspiration to Mike Vick). And I put Maroney in there because someone has to make him their favorite, and he's clearly not Bellichick's.

Fuzz: Fred Taylor is on steroids. He burned me for four straight fantasy years from 90-94 with his constant nagging injuries, yet 13 years later he’s still putting up monster games. A large needle is in his ass...daily. My two favorite running backs huh? This would have been a different answer last year because All Day Peterson is my first choice. I’ve written about him so many times here so I don’t want to sound redundant but he’s really, really good. Like name the top five players in the league good. My second favorite is Clinton Portis. This one could have gone to a handful of guys because good running backs in the league are a dime a dozen. Most teams have good runners. Portis gets the nod because of costumes like this:



It’s still far enough away to make a conference championship match-up call. Give me the AFC and NFC match-ups. FYI: We will revisit these...

Dogg: SD @ New England and Seattle @ Green Bay

Fuzz: That was really deep Dogg. Thanks for the insight.

Q: AFC: I'm going to be the boring one here and pick the Colts and the Patriots. I know that's not original and I'm not going out on a limb by any means, but I just can't fathom either one losing before they play each other. The NFC is easy: Vikings and Cowboys. Dallas is just way too talented on both sides of the ball to not at least make it to the NFC title game. And once again, you can call me a homer all you want, but if the Purple play in Tampa and then play a revenge game in Green Bay, are you really going to say that it's out of the question that we're in Dallas for the third weekend of the playoffs? I didn't think so.


Fuzz: Looking at the seeds right now in the AFC, I’m going to go with New England and San Diego. You heard right. I think San Diego knocks off Cleveland in the first round and beats Indy at Indy. LT is on a mission right now slicing through opposing defenses way too easily. San Diego vs. NE for a rematch of last years heated playoff game. On the NFC side I can’t see anything but a Dallas & Green Bay match-up. No other team in the whole NFC is even a threat to make the NFC championship game. Well, maybe the Vikings...

One, two or three words to describe Bobby Petrino


Fuzz: Shitbrick.

Dogg: Fucking D-bag

Q: 1) Bitch 2) Fucking Bitch 3) Scared Little Girl (aka Pansy Ass Bitch)

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These are a few of my favorite things

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens;
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens;
Brown paper packages tied up with strings;
These are a few of my favorite things.


Wow, that was supergay.

In light of the Christmas season, here is a very random list of my personal 20 favorite things right now that doesn’t follow along Julie Andrews and her Sound of Music fruitcake song.

- Twins GM Bill Smith. Love this guy right now. He’s like Terry Ryan with a heavy gambling problem. He has been in the organization for like 20 years so he still has that “Twins way” engrained in him but since he has the power now, he’s running the Twins like a fantasy team. I think someone needs to tell him that it’s not cool to trade Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer to a contender for a couple of keepers at the end of the season. It doesn’t work that way in real baseball Billy.

- Victoria Secret Model Miranda Kerr. I’m pretty confident she’s my future wife. When watching that Victoria Secret Fashion show a couple weeks ago I said that sentence to myself and she blew a kiss directly at me. Just at me too. That sealed it.


One of our most loyal readers pointed out in the comments section that he would like to see more pictures of my “future wife.” Since I’m in the pleasing my readers business, here are a few photos of my wifey. I have no problem selling my future wife out like this but once we get together this article will be deleted immediately and you guys can’t say a damn word. Deal? Ok, here are the pics. Also, don’t open unless you want to see a scantily clothed beautiful woman. I warned you.

#1, #2, #3, #4, and finally #5

- The movie “Superbad.” Can’t get enough this movie right now. Since it came out on DVD 13 days ago I’ve watched it three times which is about 25 times less than my brother and his college roommates. No surprise there. The movie is already a classic in my mind. The comedies the last three years have been great. Wedding Crashers, Borat, 40-year-old Virgin, Knocked Up, and now Superbad. There are so many lines from Superbad that naming my favorites would be hard but this one is up there: “Prepare to be fucked by the long dick of the law!”

- I know it’s been out for a couple months, but I love this commercial

- Blake Hoffarber. The better white shooter for the Minnesota Gophers. Jamal Terrorist is a nice bench player for a Big Ten team but not a starter. Blake has slowly taken away minutes from Jamal, which is worthy. I went to the Colorado State game where Hoff-arbor (it took me almost four years to get his name right and then someone told me that’s how you pronounce it) went for 21 points and looked crafty. One of the quicker releases I’ve ever seen. A faster release than McLovin with "I gave her the time" girl. I like Hoff even next year when “Tubby’s five” comes to town.

- Survivor's James, the gravedigger. Even though he didn’t win, I like him because we have the exact same body type. To the exact muscle. It’s like looking in a mirror minus James being black and me being pale white.


- Bobby Petrino. I love him for taking the label of, “From the guy that no one cared about to now being the biggest d-bag in sports.” He took the label from Anthony Smith of the Steelers who only had it for like three weeks. Smith is a lucky bastard that Petrino took the d-bag label because Smith took it from John Rocker who had it for years.

- Slices of the NBA. Is it just me or do you guys like bits & pieces of the NBA but not the organization as a whole? It might just be me but I’m not crazy about the NBA since it’s not a true game of basketball but I like pieces of it all over the organization. That simply might mean I do like it, but does anyone know what I’m saying? Anyways, I like these NBA pieces right now: Dwight Howard (the best post player in the game), Boston Celtics (I don’t care if they haven’t played any West teams yet, the experiment is working).

The T-wolves three wins (I don’t care if I’m rooting for losing, I want the #1 pick next year and this helps our chances), “Flippy flop-crappie flop” (Dogg’s slogan for flopping, especially with Euro-trash players. I laughed for a good nine minutes when he said it after Oberto from the Spurs flopped), Point guards (extremely high number of good PG’s- Nash, Paul, Williams, B-Davis, Kidd, Parker, Billups, and Nelson), and finally Craig Smith (for putting up two 30+ point games in the same week. It’s the same reason I hate the NBA because a guy like Smith should never score 30 pts in a game. Never.)

- The Spice Girls getting back together and touring. I don’t know how this can’t make you happy. Great news.

- The Burrito Bol at Chipotle. I feel dirty and guilty just saying this. Like I should go into a scary confession booth with a frisky priest and ask him for forgiveness because of that sentence. The Chipotle loyalists are going to castrate me so I better tread carefully but I’m into the bols right now. I can’t deny it. It’s not a permanent switch but a little mix up now and again.

- Brian Westbrook. For falling down on the one-yard line instead of walking into the end zone for an easy six. With the millions of fantasy playoff games last weekend this simple act hurt and helped so many people. An act like this probably hasn’t happened more than five times ever.


- Tiger Woods. Yeah-yeah, I know it was only a charity tournament but how do you take 10 weeks off of competitive golf and shoot a 22 under to win the tourney? Seriously, how fucking good are you? Come on.

- The WeFest lineup. If you had to skip a year, this isn't it. They pumped up last years lineup since it was the 25th anniversary and all but that lineup isn’t half as good as this one. Maybe it’s just me, but look at this: Rascal Flatts, Kenny Chesney, Brad Paisley, Dierks Bentley, Sugarland, Taylor Swift, Leeann Rimes, Jason Aldean and Little Big Town. Umm---I’m in.


- Adrian “All Day” Peterson. He was a September Christmas present that Mom let us open early. Ralphie from the “Christmas Story” pleaded and pleaded for a Red Rider BB Gun and he finally got it. Almost shot his eye out, but he got it. I pleaded and pleaded to get a superstar back in this state. Santa delivered.

- Speaking of movies, this is the time of year I bring out the gem with Chevy Chase called “Christmas Vacation.” The “Christmas Story” is a classic in it’s own right, but it doesn’t beat Vacation. The all-time best Christmas movie. Period.

From the Christmas tree hunt, to Cousin Eddie, from the lights on the house, to the Christmas bonus, to the neighbors Margo and Todd, and to a quote like “Grace died thirty years ago” & to Clark’s rant about his boss where he said this: “I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?” This movie will live on forever.

- The Minnesota Wild! Yeah, that’s right. We don’t talk about it much because we don’t know much about it. We don’t want to be fakes but we still respect them and since we’re sitting atop our division...Mad ups fellas.

- Tony Romo. Carrie Underwood and now Jessica Simpson? Ok, we get it. You’re a stud. But do you need to flaunt it?


- Tubby Smith. Last year we lost to teams like Marist, Montana, & Arkansas-Little Rock. Tubby’s not going to put up with that shit anymore. We’ve been so bad for so long so to have a premier coach on our sidelines to turnaround this program is simply awesome.

- “The Wire” season four on DVD. I told you back in the summer in this blog that this show is the best show on TV. It’s an HBO show that in it’s final year. It’s mostly about the street life in Baltimore. It’s a phenomenal show. Rent season one and you won’t stop watching until the very end of the series. Every episode slowly grows on you to the point you get downright obsessed.

- Finally, this blog. It’s been a great hobby to waste some more of my time. Thanks for a reading the complete bullshit that flies out our mouths.

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College Hoops Update

Before we get into this entry, I want to apologize to our readers for the lack of college basketball articles over the last couple of weeks. We told you that we were the NCAA hoops headquarters and then went almost a month between articles (other than updates on our man-crush: Mike Beasley). Part of the reason was other news that we needed to cover, part of it was my busy schedule/being lazy. Sorry, it won’t happen again. That said, there hasn’t been much news of late surrounding the top 25. In fact, there haven’t been many games recently because the teams have to pretend that their players are studying for finals. But that’s about to change soon.

Conference play will begin shortly and that’s when we’ll get to see some action. Rather than playing the Cal State Sacramento’s of the world, the top teams in the country will be facing more familiar opponents and crazy arenas. We will get to learn a lot about some teams that look strong right now, but haven’t exactly played the toughest schedules. The most intriguing conference, the Pac 10, will surely provide fans with some great games featuring UCLA, USC, Oregon, and Arizona, among others. Locally, Gopher fans will get to see just how legit Tubby’s group is when they square off against the likes of Michigan State, Indiana, and the rest of the Big Ten.



As was previously stated, there hasn’t been a lot of shake up in the top 25. Here’s what we know so far: UNC can fly up and down the court, but have had games where they look very beatable. Texas is proving that they don’t need Durant as DJ Augustine and company are taking care of business, including a big time win against UCLA. Memphis can still score in bunches, struggles on D, and can’t find anyone to shoot from the outside with any consistency. Kansas and UCLA are playing fairly well while they wait out some key injuries. Duke, as much as I fucking hate them, seem to actually be a somewhat decent team (that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever said about a Blue Devil team; you’re welcome Fuzz).



Washington State is still the most underrated team in the country, but they’ll get a chance to wake everyone up in the next few weeks. Indiana looks tough, Marquette is very balanced and playing well, and Pitt and Georgetown have been quietly dominant.

On the other side of life, Kentucky sucks. They’re 4-4 and have lost to Indiana (though that’s not a bad loss, especially with how well Eric Gordon has been playing), Gardner Webb (yuck), and UAB (double yuck). Just a month into his tenure, Billy Gillispie’s seat must be feeling a bit warm right now.



Usually there’s a period where fans will allow a new coach to have some trip ups. But not in Lexington. They pushed out Tubby because he couldn’t win more than one national championship in 10 years. Do you really think they’re going to stand for this for very long? Not likely. You know who else sucks? Louisville. As my partner Dogg predicted, they’ve looked absolutely horrible early in the year. They’re 5-3, including back to back losses to Dayton and Purdue. Ouch.

But let’s not focus so much on the teams that blow and instead look at this much heralded freshman class. We all know that Kansas State’s Michael Beasley is an absolute force and would look nice in a blue jersey with pine trees around the collar. Much has also been said about Indiana’s Eric Gordon as he continues to fill it up. OJ Mayo is still doing his thing in Southern California, though his team hasn’t been playing that great. Kevin Love is still throwing amazing outlet passes in LA, Donte Greene is quickly moving into the national eye out in Syracuse, and Derrick Rose is flying up and down the court in Memphis.



Other than Greene, who wasn’t given much press heading into the year, all of the hyped, impact freshmen have been playing very well. This could lead to a very talented, very young NBA draft this spring.

Sleeper Update: in our preview, we told you to watch out for Davidson as a big time sleeper in college basketball this year. Well they’re 4-5, but it’s an intriguing and promising 4-5. Their five defeats include a four point loss to North Carolina, a six point loss to Duke, and an 11 point loss to UCLA in a game that Davidson led for the first 30 minutes. Those games should give this Wildcat team a lot of confidence that they can hang with, and beat, the big dogs in the tourney. The problem is that by losing all of these early games, they now have to win their conference tournament and get that automatic bid to get into the field of 65. That’s fine. Stephen Curry will dominate the Southern Conference and they’ll be a team to remember come March.



Ok, so that’s where we’re at in the college basketball landscape. So without any further ado, I present to you the second installment our NCAA hoops rankings:

The Highly Scientific TKOT Fantastic 15 BCS-Style Poll Thing
Note: These rankings are based on the average position of the teams from each of the three TKOT writer’s personal rankings. First place votes in parenthesis.

1) Memphis
2) UNC (1)
3) Kansas (1)
4) Texas
5) UCLA
6) Washington State
7) Duke (1—though Dogg says it’s because it’s tough to play 8-5 every night)
8) Georgetown
9) Marquette
10) Indiana
11) Pittsburgh
12) Tennessee
13) Michigan State
14) Oregon
15) Texas A&M
Also receiving votes: West Virginia, Clemson, Butler, Davidson

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TV is Life, The Rest is Just Details

I love TV and yes it’s an important part of my everyday life. Some may think I watch to much television but I don’t understand how people in the real world don’t come home, kick back and enjoy the best inventions of all time…..TV and Tivo. The following is a list of shows I regularly watch in the fall and stay tuned for the winter edition soon.

Monday –

“Heroes” – I got this show recommended to me right before season two was about to begin. Being the TV junkie I am, I went to Blockbuster and rented the entire season 1. After finishing season 1 in a couple weeks I was jacked up for season 2 to begin and it’s lived up to all the hype. A show where human beings can do just about anything you’d dream to as a human has some of the best characters on TV. Peter Petrelli (Milo Ventimiglia) can do anything. Name it and he’ll find a way to get it done. Calm, collective and cool, this guy can flat out fill it up. “Save the cheerleader, save the world” was the motto in season 1 and Pete Petrelli was the only guy who could make that happen. That cheerleader is Claire Bennett (Hayden Panettiere) so thank the lord she was saved otherwise the show would’ve taken a huge hit. It would’ve been like watching Baywatch without Pamela Anderson. What the fuck is the point? The key villain in the show, Sylar, (Zachary Quinto) lost his powers for a stretch in season 2 but looks like he’ll be back on the prowl when the show returns to TV. I have to keep this as brief as possible because there are more characters on this show than hairs on my chest. If you’re looking for some X-Men like shit, this show is your taste. The writers strike has put an end to season 2 for now but I can see this show coming back with a bang so catch up and get as confused as my roommates every Monday night.

“The Hills” – Fine, rip me right now for watching a show that evolved because of the infamous MTV’s “Laguna Beach”. The reality show about LC’s (Lauren Conrad) life is in its 3rd season and it has become as entertaining as “Laguna Beach” ever was. LC used to be best friends and roommates with Heidi until she decided to date and move in with the biggest d-bag in TV history, Spencer Pratt. He recently got half engaged to Heidi and now it looks like they are on the rocks because he just doesn’t get it. LC is trying ever so dearly to begin dating Brody Jenner who I actually like. Most of these hot ladies from “Laguna Beach” and “The Hills” date the biggest tools but Brody seems like a dude that I could chill with. The fake finale was a disappointment but two nerds doing the after show told us that LC is coming back for after the first of the year. Let’s hope this phenomenal lady, LC, can finally a good guy.

Tuesday –

I don’t watch any TV shows on Tuesday’s so if there’s something on the tube that I’m missing out on, please inform me so I don’t have to continue betting on UNLV vs. Utah at midnight.

Wednesday –

I started watching MTV’s “Real World” until I was 29 episodes deep and realized that it’s been the same exact show for the past 19 years. Ever since Puck left the show it’s been one of the most repetitious shows on TV. This is my night to try and catch up on my NBA basketball knowledge.

Thursday –

“Survivor” – One of my favorites for the past 4 years has lived up to its hype once again this season. We had one of the most dominant players Survivor has ever seen go down in flames two weeks ago because he wasn’t using his head. James, the biggest guy I’ve ever seen on the show was pushing down full size trees while winning nearly ever challenge for his tribe or individually. The guy found both hidden immunity idols and only had 4 weeks left to use both of them but decided to not play one two weeks ago. Sure as shit, his alliance blind-sided him as they should have if any of them wanted a chance at the $1M. This season has proven that the game is a strategic game and if you’re not thinking it doesn’t really matter who you are. There are 4 ladies left and only 1 man, none of them being great at challenges but have played the game perfectly. Todd is the one man left and has manipulated almost every player in this game so it looks to me that even if he makes the finals, the winner this year is going to be a female. My hopes are for the everyday lunch lady Denise.

“Grey’s Anatomy” – This season started very slow but the combination of McDreamy and McSteamy have comeback like “The Bash Brothers”. Dr. Sloan is the biggest player in any TV show out there and his slyness is 2nd best to none. The introduction of Lexi Grey has been a pleasant surprise and Karev has been the 2nd biggest player behind Dr. Sloan. Meredith Grey has been same old same old and I don’t know if I dislike anybody more than this 30 year old going on 84. Derrick has gone back to her for the past 3 seasons and he could get better than her after bathing in dogshit for 2 years. It looks like McDreamy has maybe had enough and moving towards one of his assistants instead which would be a blessing in the sky. Those two together would almost as worse as George and Izzy together but I don’t even want to start talking about them. The winter finale was a B in my book but as long as the show continues to have McDreamy and McSteamy as top dawgs, I’ll be tuned in.

Friday –

“Friday Night Lights” – The best show that nobody knows about has not let down in season 2. It has moved to Friday nights which is about as dumb as The NFL Network but while I’m out having cold beers and jag bombs, my Tivo is taking care of my TV addiction. There is a MILF (Tami Taylor), hot high school ladies (Lyla Garrity, Tyra Collette and Julie Taylor), Lombardi-like football coach (Eric Taylor), star RB (Smash Williams), alcoholic FB and badass (Tim Riggins), cheating booster club member (Buddy Garrity) and the star QB who dates the coaches daughter (Matt Saracen). If you like football, drama and all the things that go along with playing high school football in Texas, you will enjoy this show more than “Girls Gone Wild”.

Tweeter drinks beers, Fuzz eats Davanni’s hoagies in 2 minutes, Q conks on demand, Josie has ADD, Randy catches TD’s, Brady throws TD’s, Russell wins championships, Buffalo loses Super Bowls, Snoop smokes weed……and I watch TV.

Side note: Rent and watch “Weeds” and “The Wire”. You won’t be disappointed.

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TKOT Roundtable

Let’s get this out of the way----we love baseball. Absolutely love it. We eat it up like Mama’s Apple Pie. Or like a fatty loves Ding Dongs. We especially love the Minnesota Twins. We love it so much that when we find out that a role player gets cut in this mornings newspaper in December we all immediately cut work to meet at some speak easy in downtown Minneapolis to have another TKOT roundtable. Low balls of whiskey and fat cigars were passed around like usual and here’s what transpired...

Readers note: I don’t know if you guys like these Roundtables but it’s just everything we talk about with each other so why not put it in print right? Plus, it’s an easy entry to post for you readers and keeps this blog active. We love getting together in stinky smoked filled places to talk about things so if you have a topic you’d like us to touch on, just let us know.


Q: Am I the only one confused/upset about the Twins move to non-tender Jason Tyner? I mean, he's definitely not a starter, but considering we don't have a center fielder right now, this seems like an odd move to me. Even if we make a trade for a Crisp, Ellsbury, Cabrera, Kemp, etc., we are still going to need a backup outfielder that can play in center. Tyner isn't great, but he can hit over .300 off the bench, lay down bunts as needed, has speed on the bases, and plays a good defensive center field. And we're letting him go because we don't want to go to arbitration? Oh goody, we save $1 million. Our total salary is going to be less than $60 million and we can't spare a little for a quality backup outfielder like Tyner? This is ridiculous.


Schmick Schmarx: While I don't necessarily disagree with you, I'm not going to get to upset over losing Tyner. At the very least, it keeps Captain Ron from playing him in 140 games this year and killing our lineup. I'm holding out all judgment on the Twins off-season until the players report in February and we have a better idea what the team will look like.

Fuzz: Thank you Schmick Schmarx. If I ever hear you bitch Q about losing a 130-pound punch & Judy again, I'm going to slap you in the nuts. Tyner was a fun little cute player but come on. Right now we have Cuddy, D-Young, Kubel and Monroe not to mention are trade with Johan. I'd much rather give those AB's to Kubel and Monroe over Jason Fuckstick.

Dogg: I didn’t get the move at first either but now that Fuzz brings up who we have in the OF already, he would be our 5th outfielder. I don’t know if Monroe or Kubel will be good but I do want to give them a try. If we aren’t trading Johan, we should’ve definitely kept Tyner though. Monroe has a good chance of being cut 30 games in.

Q: Hooray! We have 4 corner outfielders on our team! World Series here we come! Nevermind the fact that none of them can play center. Forget about the fact that one of them hit .219 last year (Monroe.) Don't even mention that one of them has Varp's knees (Kubel.) Let's not talk about one of them potentially snapping and killing everyone on the field because he's insane and likes to throw bats at umpires (D-Young.) I was so utterly and completely wrong to think that a .300 hitting, quality defensive backup center fielder would be a good idea. Hell, we don't even need a center fielder. We can roll without one. I'm glad we saved that money and gave it to a steroid taking, fastball only throwing, piece of shit middle reliever that is guaranteed to lose us 5 or 6 games next year. That's an outstanding idea.

Dogg: Alright, I’m back with Q. Tyner should be on this team for $1M.

Schmick Schmarx: It was actually $3.5M but that isn't exactly a lot of money either in MLB.

Fuzz: NO, NO, NO! Does Boston, New York, Cleveland, Colorado, St. Louis or any other legit playoff team roll with a guy like Tyner? The answer is no. We get sucked into these hustle guys that play the "Twins brand" because that's what we are used too. That philosophy has gotten us nowhere. The Twins World Series teams didn't do it with a boatload of guys like Tyner, Punto, Bartlett, Rodriguez, Ford, etc... Maybe one or two for fill-ins at times but not a bunch of them playing. Billy Smith is trying to change that philosophy since he's cut all those guys except Punto.


Anyways, we're talking about Jason Tyner. The one homerun journeyman that goes 1-4 with a single. Yeah he hits .300 but he plays half the games and in no way you can tell me with a straight face that if he played 95% of games he'd hit .300? He'd be an All-star if he did that. He's a very average player that plays some decent defense. He'd be great on the Royals or the Pirates. They could use a guy like that. If we're serious about winning a f-ing title guys like Tyner need to be cut. Great move Bill, great move...

Dogg: You’re right Schmick Schmarx, it’s not a lot of money and that’s why I like signing Monroe. If Tyner hit just over .300 with few RBI’s and no HR’s like every other season, he would not be an all-star. Not even close. That’s beside the point but don’t compare us to the World Series teams. I believe the payroll structure throughout the MLB was much more balanced and we actually signed some guys like Jack Morris and Chili Davis. Unless Bill Smith / Carl Pohlad are ready to open their own pockets and spend, guys like Tyner are the guys we will get. I’m not pissed either way I guess because I do want to give Kubel, Young, Monroe and Cuddy most of the AB’s. I got Monroe going for 25 HR’s this year if we play him 5 days a week like we should.

Q: So how does that Bill Smith Kool-Aid taste, Fuzz?

Fuzz: Tasty.

Q: You are proving my point in your argument. Of all people, you know that I hate our "hustle guys". But that doesn't mean you shouldn't have one or two off the bench (or as you said, "maybe one or two for fill ins"). That's why Bartlett, Ford, L Rod, etc. are gone: our entire team was hustle guys for the last couple years. It is nice, however, to have an option or two off the bench that can bunt, pinch run, or, in Tyner's case, be a quality bat in the lineup when you give your starter the day off.

No one is saying that Tyner should start or that he would put up the same numbers if, god forbid, he did. That's the fucking point. He's a BACKUP, and a pretty good one at that. If you have a backup that can hit the ball well when he's called upon to do so, why get rid of him?

And quit comparing us to the Red Sox, Yankees, Mets, etc. They spend at least twice as much each season as us and can thus afford to have former All Stars as their backups. We do not have that luxury. As for teams like Colorado and St. Louis, maybe you should go onto MLB.com (since you have nothing better to do) and look at their rosters. They definitely have (or at least had) Jason Tyner-type players such as Kaz Matsui, Willie Tavaris, David Eckstein, and Adam Kennedy. Those are just off the top of my head, I'm sure there's others.

But if you want to keep proving my point Fuzz, please be my guest.

Schmick Schmarx: Quit just staring at his batting average. His on-base % is terrible, his slugging % is terrible, and, while he may have above average speed, I don't think that he is a very good base stealer. He's not the worst guy in the world to have around, but we don't need a 20 email argument about him. He is very replaceable.

Dogg: Q is on fire! Caution, FLAMIBLE!!!! I agree with Q on what he just said. About Tyner Schmick Schmarx, he’s been here and we know what he offers. All the things you need from a guy off the bench while only paying him $1M. Sign him, that’s dirt money. Also, who is that player you’re going to replace him with? We won’t sign anybody worthwhile. Do you know this organization? All FA signings are has-beens.


Fuzz: Back to Q’s rant. I'll give you the front part of your argument. It is nice having hustle guys once in a while but it also forces you to play these guys if they are on our bench. At least it does with our Manager. That's probably a whole another Roundtable. But I'd much rather give these AB's to Kubel, D-Young and Monroe like Dogg mentioned. These guys have twice the ceiling as Jason Fuckwad and if we're going for "Project 2010" then we need to give AB's to these guys. So yes, I'm giving you the point that Tyner like guys are crucial role players for WS type teams. I was wrong to think that we are there right now. I spoke too quickly on that subject but do think that these AB's need to go to the guys I listed.

I am going to compare us to the big dogs (Yankees, Red Sox, Mets, etc..) I'm not going to compare to the hopeless franchises like the Rays, Pirates and Nationals. We're better than that. Yeah the big dogs might have the luxury of keeping former All-stars on the bench but that doesn't mean we have to keep average talent like Tyner on our bench. We can afford someone better than him. Those teams try to field a team differently than we do, you're right, but that doesn't mean we can't win a WS title with a different route. They do spend gobs of money but who cares? Yeah it sucks but it's the system we have to deal with. We're known to have some of the best scouts and that's the way we win. Through talent evaluation through the draft and trades.

By the way Kaz Matsui, Willie Tavaris, David Eckstein, and Adam Kennedy are all better than Tyner.

Q: I'm absolutely in favor of giving plenty of AB's to those guys--our corner outfielders. I don't want Tyner to take anything away from them. And yes, a guy like Delmon Young (22) has a much higher ceiling than a career AAA/utility player. But again, the problem is that we don't have anyone in center yet and Tyner is very good at what he does and doesn't cost much. To me, that seems like a great player to have on our team.

Secondly, Fuzz, your argument makes absolutely no sense. You want to compare us to big market teams (which is ridiculous) and not the successful small market teams (Cleveland, Oakland, etc.) but then you say that we aren't ready to compete for a World Series title right now. Then why are you looking at our team compared to Boston's?

Further, you go on to say that we could win a WS by going a different route than the big money teams do. Guess what? Players like Jason Tyner are that different route. Our minor league system was ranked as one of the 5 worst in baseball by a prominent ESPN.com baseball writer recently, so we don't have that to fall back on. We need to keep guys like Tyner and Punto as reserves because they serve a very important purpose and don't cost a lot of money.

Fuzz: I was stretching with the argument before so I apologize. I was trying to say that we aren’t ready to compete for a W.S. title right now but giving an average player like Tyner AB’s over better hitting prospects like Kubel and D-Young is a bad idea. Maybe we can’t be compared to them on a year-by-year basis but we still can be compared to them on the basis on seriously contending for a title. We can’t do it every year, so we need to build up to it. Tyner is in no way a build up option. He’s a fill-in so we don’t stink completely. I would rather see us give the playing time to any other better potential hitting prospects. Your point makes more sense but that’s what I was trying to convey. Ignore me though because I’m all hoped up on Makers Mark right now and I’m pretty sure these Cubans are laced with some good bud.

Schmick Schmarx: I think maybe Q has a man crush on Tyner. Why else would he defend a player like Tyner this vehemently? Save your boner for a player who would help the Twins win more games next year.

Q: And Schmick Schmarx, I'm not in love with Tyner, I just don't like the release of him. Bottom line--We still don't have a centerfielder and just let a quality backup outfielder walk away for $1 million. Seems like a bad move to me, but then again, I'm not Bill Smith.

Schmick Schmarx: We just signed Adam Everett from the Astros. What does that do for us? Do we now move Brendan Harris to 2B, let Everett start at shortstop, and make Punto our utility player?


Fuzz: Awesome!!! Another fruitcake with good defense that's going to hit .215 for us next year! I can't wait to lose 2-1 all next year again...

Q: Adam Everett is a poor man's Nick Punto.

Dogg: Adam Everett is our new SS. I don’t know what to think. Anyways, Tyner will probably sign on to a contender and win a title. He a perfect utility outfielder who can also pinch-hit, lay down a bunt and that .300 average off the bench will look great.

Fuzz: If Tyner ever contributes to a World Series title team, I’m going to say he’s definitely using some sort of performance enhancing drugs. Speaking of, we should skedaddle out of here to listen to that Mitchell Report that’s going to supposedly ruin baseball.

Dogg: Christ, that’s a whole other Roundtable! See you guys tomorrow then?

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Voices from a Stranger...

Hey readers, here is another rant from other source besides us three geniuses. If you don't remember this feature is a guest writer's opinion on whatever they like. If you feel you’d like to do this just email the tkontoast@gmail.com address and let us know. You can email that address to see if we already have one in line for that week or email your post for us to review. Also, if it’s not good it’s not going up. We are honest SOB’s that will say...hell no!

Without further ado, this week's entry comes from our most loyal reader that is slightly taller than Q, one of your head writers. He also shares three things with Brittney Spears: 1) The same birthday, 2) The same shaved head look, and 3) The love of her music. Ok, one of those is fake...you guess which one. Along with being a nacho craving-broomball player he has a strong passion for the Sports. This rant is about the Association. Enjoy...

NBA Thoughts-

Finally an NBA article for that deals with current NBA players, instead of current 18 year old boys who have no trouble dominating the world of college basketball. Here are just a few quick notes on what’s been happening early on.

• In case you forgot, the Timberpups are still around, though they are, and will remain, at the bottom of the league. Big Al has shown he will be a force inside, which has been one of the few bright spots all year. He just dominated Amare Stoudemire and the Suns for 32 and 20. That’s exactly why the Celts wanted to keep him out of any trade. But I guess they’re feeling okay about giving him up now that KG and Co. are owning the East. (Although the Pistons will give them a good run come May).

• The other bright spot has been the impressive early play of Rashad McCants. He definitely finally looks healthy and is showing no effects from that microfracture surgery of a year and a half ago. He’s been exploding to the hoop as well as knocking down treys like he used to in Chapel Hill.

• Antoine Walker is fat and awful, yet he is 7th in minutes on the team. He didn’t play on Saturday night and look at the W we were able to pull off (hopefully Randy Wittman took note as he’s out after back surgery).

• Teddy Ratliff showed a brief bit of new found talent, swatting shots like no other. But then showed he is still Theo Ratliff and has not played since November 16th with a knee injury. Also, Randy Foye has yet to play this year. Once he comes back we’ll all get our first real look at the future of the Wolves.

• Overall they are a very bad team and one of these “special” freshmen we’re assured of drafting won’t change that record much next year.

A few other points:

• Joakim Noah officially has the ugliest jumper in the league…try to find it on YouTube or something if you get a chance. It’s quite similar to shots I’ve seen by parrots, dolphins, orangutans, and all other lower forms of animals.

• College side note: Texas Tech went on a 42-1 run against La. Tech…how does this ever happen? Why wouldn’t La Tech’s coach go Bobby Knight on the legend himself? You know, chair throwing, player choking, etc. Basically anything to get ejected so you don’t have to watch that trash anymore.

• I’m taking the Spurs to repeat. They just beat the Mavs and the Jazz without Duncan. As boring as it is to watch them, they are very good and Manu “Toucan Sam” Ginobili is dominating.

Stay tuned to the Association, especially anytime you see that this guy is on.


Who doesn’t miss that guy?

Out,
Chosman

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Under Review: Week 14

Five of the most important NFL questions are answered after the jump. You can't f-ing wait can you?

Two part Viking question. 1) Are the Vikings going to make the playoffs? Three weeks left but I would like a call. 2) Can you say the Vikings are the third best team in the NFC right now? Argue either way.

Q- Of course. I've been saying all year that...yeah right, I'm not going to be that guy. But the Vikes are playing very well right now and have a very favorable schedule. There's absolutely no reason to bet against them making the playoffs at this point. 2) Technically, you can say it, but you'd be wrong. I know we've won 4 in a row, but only one was against a team with a winning record. We still have a D that gives up a ton of yards and it's completely plausible that T Jack could shit the bed and lose us a game. There's definitely an argument to be made, if only because Seattle, Tampa Bay, and New York are by no means dominant. Even still, I just don't see us as the third best team. Too many potential (and real) question marks.

Fuzz: Yeah, I think the Vikings are going to make the playoffs after a three-year layoff but I’m scared as hell of the Saints. The Saints, Skins, Cardinals and Lions are all one game back of us now. I was going to come at you with some great knowledge so I started writing down all the tie-breaker situations but realized after 12 minutes I needed to be Raymond Babbitt to figure this shit out. Uh oh, fifteen minutes to Judge Wapner.

So, I bailed on it but the bottom line is we need to keep this winning streak going. The Saints made the NFC championship game last year and I’m afraid they might run the table. We need to do the same. Secondly, they aren’t the third best team they are the 4th. I’d put Dallas, Green Bay & Seattle above them and I think we’re knocking on the door with Seattle. Our team has an identity now—stop the run, run down their throats and score a bunch of first half points. I love us right now.

Dogg- The Vikings are going to make the playoffs. I know I’ve been saying “no, no, no” for weeks but the NFC teams that we are battling with aren’t good football teams. The Cardinals are all banged up and Detroit is playing like Detroit. We win the next two games at home because we always win at home and that will be that. Game set lunch into the postseason…..It would be tough for me to say they are the 3rd best team in the NFC right now. Dallas, Green Bay and Seattle are all very hard to argue with. I would say that you can make an argument for them being better than the Giants and Bucs though. Both teams are solid but beatable as we showed in New York. I would put us in a 3-way tie for 4th best right now. TB, NY and MN are all solid teams who can show signs of greatness and also show signs of being a garbage team. We are in though as of today and will not lose this spot.

Can Dallas win the Superbowl? Why? Why not?


Q- Of course they can. On any given Sunday, any team in the league can win and any team can lose. They're obviously talented, as evidenced by their 12-1 record. They have weapons on offense and defense so, long story longer, yes, they can win.

Dogg- Dallas can win the SB. Any team who makes the playoffs can win the SB. I know it’s become redundant in my answers every week but the NFL is a one game series so fluke upsets are doable no matter the situation. Dallas is going to have home field advantage and personally think they should be very upset if they don’t make the SB this year. They shouldn’t lose to any NFC team especially at home so I think they have a very good shot at winning it all. T.O and Marion Barber are two of the best offensive players in this game. Romo has matured into one of the best QB’s in this league think they will represent the NFC well.


Fuzz: WTF? What’s with this any team any day can win bullshit? You guys sound like Tony Boselli. Maybe some years that logic applies but not this year. It’s a four-team race (NE, Indy, Dallas and G.B.) I’d be shocked if it’s outside those four teams that wins it all. Cleveland is not beating Indy or N.E. and Tampa Bay is not beating Dallas or Green Bay, etc... Back to the original question, yes Dallas can win the Superbowl. I think they are the only NFC team that can beat New England if they are matched up again. The Patriots spanked them once but they are playing better now. Green Bay is going to need to have the Patriots lose before the SB to win it if they reach the SB. I’m shocked how top heavy the NFL is this year.

Michael Vick was sentenced to almost two years in prison. I heard the NFL is going to wait to suspend him after he serves his time. Will he ever play in the NFL again?



Readers note: To our loyal readers, we discussed this back in late August already but felt it needed to be addressed again for two reasons: 1) Vick’s official sentence came down this week. 2) We had six readers back in August. Now we have millions. We needed to tackle this again.

Dogg: Mike Vick will be pumping iron like Craig in Friday does in his front yard so if he returns to the league he’ll be playing FB.

Q- Does he even want to play again? That's the question that no one is asking. Everyone wants to know if he'll come back and when and at what position. But what if he doesn't want to play anymore? I wouldn't if I was him. To have to deal with all of the scrutiny in the media and the hoards of fans that will be all over you (even to potentially dangerous level)? No thanks.

Fuzz: Michael Dwayne Vick welcome to the life of an NFL Journeyman. Move over Vinny Testy, Jeff George, Trent Green and Brad Johnson, we have a new sheriff in town. Mike Vick is going to be that guy that signs on to a different team every year or so. When a quarterback goes down mid-season his name is going to come up. Hey, maybe we should take a chance on Vick? It might cause a riot with our fans but the dude is really fucking fast. That’s how I see him coming back.

A three-part question. Yippee. 1) Whose current winning streak gets broken first of these teams and why: New England (13 in a row), Dallas (7), Seattle (5), Minnesota (4) and Indy (4)? 2) Whose current losing streak gets broken first of these teams and why: Miami (13 in row), Baltimore (7), Kansas City (6) and Detroit (5)? 3) Are we really going to have a defeated & undefeated team in the same season?


Dogg: Probably Dallas or Seattle because they probably won’t be playing for much after this week. The seeds for them might be determined already after this week so there is a good chance both teams will be sitting some starters very soon. Baltimore plays at Miami next week and I don’t even want to pick a winner of that game right now. After watching Baltimore on Sunday night and seeing Miami get destroyed by Buffalo you might as well flip a coin. Fine, I’ll take Miami over Baltimore. New England will go undefeated in the regular season but Miami will win this week and probably week 17 as well.

Q- 1) None of them will lose in the regular season. I really wanted to pick one, but their collective schedules prominently involve teams like Carolina, Washington, Oakland, etc. Yuck. Not it. 2) Week 15: Baltimore @ Miami. There is a 78% chance that one of these teams wins and thus breaks their losing streak. 3) Yes. The Patriots are going 16-0 (and then losing before the SuperBowl) and the Dolphins are going 0-16. If you have even a vague concept of irony, then this is the greatest example of it in the history of life.

Fuzz: I think those fellas covered this question pretty well. To get my answers in print I’ll say: 1) Seattle. 2) Baltimore because they’ll beat Miami this week because Eden Prairie could beat Miami this week. 3) I want to see this happen so badly. I hate the Patriots right now but I hate those old geysers from Miami. How cool would it be if the Patriots went undefeated in the same season as the Miami Dolphins, the team they’re chasing history with, go defeated in the same season? Please make this happen.

Give me at least two coaches that will get canned at the end of the year? Also, who is the best coach available right now?

Q- Scott Linehan seems to be the frontrunner to lose his job. The Rams have had a bunch of injuries, but they also have too much talent to be this bad. Unfortunately, that means Scotty's gotta go. For the second, I'm going out on a limb with Andy Reid. It might end up that he "steps down", but I think he's gone.

Between the Eagles underachieving again and the family problems he's had, I just think it's time for him to be away from the game for at least a year. The best coach available? Me. I'm defensive minded, but have a very sophisticated offensive system ready to be put in place. My ultra-competitive, ironman, 14 person team this past fall is already a thing of legends. At the very least, I'd be intense and a great sound bite. Come to think of it, I'm a lot like Herm Edwards in that way...

Fuzz: Q, you’re junior high team you coached was susceptible to the big play. Chunks of yardage and TD’s were scored on your “lock-down” defense. Not a good thing to be susceptible with in the NFL. Big plays turn around momentum and you’d be ran out of town faster then you can say “I just got another Hail Mary thrown on my ass.”

Dogg: I don’t know who’s getting canned? The teams that aren’t playing well shouldn’t be playing well in my mind with the talent they have. I will say that no coach gets fired. Maybe step down but none will get fired. Best coach available is Bill Cowher but who knows if he’ll ever return to the ring.


Fuzz: Brian “I blow kisses at other men” Billick is for sure gone. He’s simply worn out his welcome at Baltimore. Great, you won a Superbowl but you’re an arrogant prick that hasn’t done much since. See ya Fruit-Pie. Next would be the guy from Detroit, Hot Rod Marinelli. I know he only got hired two years ago but he has Matt Millen as his GM. Like Kevin Mchale, they’ll keep shuffling through coaches and not blaming their own inadequacies. Like D O Double G said, Bill spitting Cowher is by far the best available. Who knows if he comes back though? I’d like to drop Jason Garrett’s name in this list as well. The O-coordinator for Dallas. I feel he’s going to be a hot commodity come this off-season. Just as hot as his fire truck red hair.

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