Monday, December 17, 2007

These are a few of my favorite things

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens;
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens;
Brown paper packages tied up with strings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Wow, that was supergay.

In light of the Christmas season, here is a very random list of my personal 20 favorite things right now that doesn’t follow along Julie Andrews and her Sound of Music fruitcake song.

- Twins GM Bill Smith. Love this guy right now. He’s like Terry Ryan with a heavy gambling problem. He has been in the organization for like 20 years so he still has that “Twins way” engrained in him but since he has the power now, he’s running the Twins like a fantasy team. I think someone needs to tell him that it’s not cool to trade Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer to a contender for a couple of keepers at the end of the season. It doesn’t work that way in real baseball Billy.

- Victoria Secret Model Miranda Kerr. I’m pretty confident she’s my future wife. When watching that Victoria Secret Fashion show a couple weeks ago I said that sentence to myself and she blew a kiss directly at me. Just at me too. That sealed it.

One of our most loyal readers pointed out in the comments section that he would like to see more pictures of my “future wife.” Since I’m in the pleasing my readers business, here are a few photos of my wifey. I have no problem selling my future wife out like this but once we get together this article will be deleted immediately and you guys can’t say a damn word. Deal? Ok, here are the pics. Also, don’t open unless you want to see a scantily clothed beautiful woman. I warned you.

#1, #2, #3, #4, and finally #5

- The movie “Superbad.” Can’t get enough this movie right now. Since it came out on DVD 13 days ago I’ve watched it three times which is about 25 times less than my brother and his college roommates. No surprise there. The movie is already a classic in my mind. The comedies the last three years have been great. Wedding Crashers, Borat, 40-year-old Virgin, Knocked Up, and now Superbad. There are so many lines from Superbad that naming my favorites would be hard but this one is up there: “Prepare to be fucked by the long dick of the law!”

- I know it’s been out for a couple months, but I love this commercial

- Blake Hoffarber. The better white shooter for the Minnesota Gophers. Jamal Terrorist is a nice bench player for a Big Ten team but not a starter. Blake has slowly taken away minutes from Jamal, which is worthy. I went to the Colorado State game where Hoff-arbor (it took me almost four years to get his name right and then someone told me that’s how you pronounce it) went for 21 points and looked crafty. One of the quicker releases I’ve ever seen. A faster release than McLovin with "I gave her the time" girl. I like Hoff even next year when “Tubby’s five” comes to town.

- Survivor's James, the gravedigger. Even though he didn’t win, I like him because we have the exact same body type. To the exact muscle. It’s like looking in a mirror minus James being black and me being pale white.

- Bobby Petrino. I love him for taking the label of, “From the guy that no one cared about to now being the biggest d-bag in sports.” He took the label from Anthony Smith of the Steelers who only had it for like three weeks. Smith is a lucky bastard that Petrino took the d-bag label because Smith took it from John Rocker who had it for years.

- Slices of the NBA. Is it just me or do you guys like bits & pieces of the NBA but not the organization as a whole? It might just be me but I’m not crazy about the NBA since it’s not a true game of basketball but I like pieces of it all over the organization. That simply might mean I do like it, but does anyone know what I’m saying? Anyways, I like these NBA pieces right now: Dwight Howard (the best post player in the game), Boston Celtics (I don’t care if they haven’t played any West teams yet, the experiment is working).

The T-wolves three wins (I don’t care if I’m rooting for losing, I want the #1 pick next year and this helps our chances), “Flippy flop-crappie flop” (Dogg’s slogan for flopping, especially with Euro-trash players. I laughed for a good nine minutes when he said it after Oberto from the Spurs flopped), Point guards (extremely high number of good PG’s- Nash, Paul, Williams, B-Davis, Kidd, Parker, Billups, and Nelson), and finally Craig Smith (for putting up two 30+ point games in the same week. It’s the same reason I hate the NBA because a guy like Smith should never score 30 pts in a game. Never.)

- The Spice Girls getting back together and touring. I don’t know how this can’t make you happy. Great news.

- The Burrito Bol at Chipotle. I feel dirty and guilty just saying this. Like I should go into a scary confession booth with a frisky priest and ask him for forgiveness because of that sentence. The Chipotle loyalists are going to castrate me so I better tread carefully but I’m into the bols right now. I can’t deny it. It’s not a permanent switch but a little mix up now and again.

- Brian Westbrook. For falling down on the one-yard line instead of walking into the end zone for an easy six. With the millions of fantasy playoff games last weekend this simple act hurt and helped so many people. An act like this probably hasn’t happened more than five times ever.

- Tiger Woods. Yeah-yeah, I know it was only a charity tournament but how do you take 10 weeks off of competitive golf and shoot a 22 under to win the tourney? Seriously, how fucking good are you? Come on.

- The WeFest lineup. If you had to skip a year, this isn't it. They pumped up last years lineup since it was the 25th anniversary and all but that lineup isn’t half as good as this one. Maybe it’s just me, but look at this: Rascal Flatts, Kenny Chesney, Brad Paisley, Dierks Bentley, Sugarland, Taylor Swift, Leeann Rimes, Jason Aldean and Little Big Town. Umm---I’m in.

- Adrian “All Day” Peterson. He was a September Christmas present that Mom let us open early. Ralphie from the “Christmas Story” pleaded and pleaded for a Red Rider BB Gun and he finally got it. Almost shot his eye out, but he got it. I pleaded and pleaded to get a superstar back in this state. Santa delivered.

- Speaking of movies, this is the time of year I bring out the gem with Chevy Chase called “Christmas Vacation.” The “Christmas Story” is a classic in it’s own right, but it doesn’t beat Vacation. The all-time best Christmas movie. Period.

From the Christmas tree hunt, to Cousin Eddie, from the lights on the house, to the Christmas bonus, to the neighbors Margo and Todd, and to a quote like “Grace died thirty years ago” & to Clark’s rant about his boss where he said this: “I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?” This movie will live on forever.

- The Minnesota Wild! Yeah, that’s right. We don’t talk about it much because we don’t know much about it. We don’t want to be fakes but we still respect them and since we’re sitting atop our division...Mad ups fellas.

- Tony Romo. Carrie Underwood and now Jessica Simpson? Ok, we get it. You’re a stud. But do you need to flaunt it?

- Tubby Smith. Last year we lost to teams like Marist, Montana, & Arkansas-Little Rock. Tubby’s not going to put up with that shit anymore. We’ve been so bad for so long so to have a premier coach on our sidelines to turnaround this program is simply awesome.

- “The Wire” season four on DVD. I told you back in the summer in this blog that this show is the best show on TV. It’s an HBO show that in it’s final year. It’s mostly about the street life in Baltimore. It’s a phenomenal show. Rent season one and you won’t stop watching until the very end of the series. Every episode slowly grows on you to the point you get downright obsessed.

- Finally, this blog. It’s been a great hobby to waste some more of my time. Thanks for a reading the complete bullshit that flies out our mouths.


Jeff said...

Great Post, Fuzz.

I disagree wholeheartedly about the Burrito Bol being a bad thing, or any source of guilt. Given my status as the foremost Chipotle loyalist in the state of MN, I think it is more than forgivable to enjoy the Bol. The tortilla is 350 calories, and doesn't taste great enough to warrant the extra empty calories. So, eliminating it from the equation allows you to enjoy the same Mexican greatness without the jiggly ass.

Hill said...


Please post more photos of your "future wife".

Thank you,
Your loyal readers

Fuzz said...

Thanks for the spelling on the Burrito Bol. You're a true loyalist. I changed it for you.


Dogg said...

Jeff, weren't you trying to do something with Chipotle back in the day? Didn't you get them to open an establishment near your house? Maybe a good story for a guest piece if you're interested.

Hill, I miss your playboys at our house.

Finn-to-Win said...

Solid 29 things. I do agree that you have to switch it up at Chipotle. It does get old when you order the same thing.

They do not have Chipotle down here in Charleston so if anyone wants to open one up with me let me know I am down for that.

Jeff said...

Dogg - You are correct, I wrote a letter to Chipotle that may have influenced them coming to Roseville, which was really a no-brainer on their part. I actually think a Chipotle - NFL analogy post would probably work out well, perhaps I'll send you guys something in the near future!

Finn - Chipotle doesn't franchise, so the only way you can get them to come to Charleston is to send them an email on their corporate site. If they already have stores in SC, it may be easy to get them to put one in Charleston. Otherwise, it'll probably be at least a few years.

Dogg said...

Jeff, a Chipotle connoisseur like yourself with NFL analogies would be epic. Get er done!

Jeff said...

Consider it done. It will be a 2008 Playoffs Preview, in the form of Chipotle ingredients. I already have 4 teams done. Where should I mail a draft to?

Fuzz said...

Mail it to the account. Can you have it by the 2nd or 3rd?

Sow Cow said...

That shouldn't be a problem. I will have it sooner than... and just make adjustments if any teams make the playoffs that weren't supposed to make it.

P.S. I am now known on here as the almighty Sow Cow. Nobody has called me Jeff before, and you guys calling me that was freaking me out! Please refer to me as Sow, Sauer, Sow Cow or Sow Daddy.

Dogg said...

Thanks Sauer, that makes me feel a lot better because that was weirding me out as well.