Fuzz's stew

The main ingredient: The Beef

16 years, 5 Conference championship games, & 0 Title’s

With the “We’ll see you tomorrow night” call and Gene Larkin sealing another Minnesota Twins championship the next night in October 1991 that line above represents what the four major sports in the Twin Cities have done since then.

Here is the breakdown of the teams and years that made it to their conference championship since 1991, hence having a legit shot at going to the title game:

T-Wolves- 2004 (lost to the Lakers in six games)
Wild- 2003 (lost to the Ducks in four games)
Vikings- 1998 & 2000 (the heartbreaker to Atlanta and the 41-donut to New York)
Twins- 2002 (Adam bleeping Kennedy and the Angels smoked us in five games)

Shit.

I was 10 years old when the mullet-80’s band looking greaseball Dan Gladden crossed home plate thinking to myself how excited I was to root for future championships from the locals. Up until then I hadn’t really grasped professional sports and the obsession that came with it. I was mostly outside playing my own games with my brothers than focusing on the games on the television. I vaguely remember the Twins and their ’87 run and I definitely don’t remember the Vikings & North Stars in my first ten years either. Pooh Richardson and the T-Wolves were just starting up.


As the 80’s decade closed my unfamiliarity of the pro sports teams ended with Kirby Puckett and that 1991 Twins team. Like I said, I was 10 and happier than a nympho at a swinger’s party that I found this new thing to obsess about. Paraphernalia and role models were obtained through this newfound “secret” I discovered. I still root just as hard now and maybe even harder in some cases, but we as Minnesotans haven’t been rewarded since 1991.

This whole thinking of us sucking resurfaced Sunday night when it came apparent that the Vikings weren’t going to beat the Skins and that our playoff chances rested in the hands of noodle arm nerd Brad Johnson and Dallas’ backups this coming Sunday. We're screwed...another year out of the playoffs for the Minnesota Vikings.


As T-Jack started playing the game of 500 with the Skins defense I thought to myself how pathetic our pro teams have been the last five years. Knocking on the door a few times but nothing spectacular. Then I started thinking about what we’ve accomplished the next 5 years after that. Brutal is the word that comes to mind. And then finally for shits & giggles I went back to our last professional championship and realized that we have absolutely sucked as a sports market since October 1991.

Four sports, five conference championship games and zero championship games/series’. Not one! The last stat is the most frustrating. We can go back in all of history and count the Superbowl losses, Stanley Cup losses or a World Series loss, but we haven’t even made it to the finals once in 16 flipping years. 16 of my prime worshiping sports years were horseshit. In the middle school years you throw on your jersey, head to a sleepover with Mountain Dew and Doritos’s and cheer the Minnesota team in season. In high school you head to a buddies, drink Bacardi Limon, play in- between & guts and cheer the Minnesota team in season. In college you head to shitty house, tap the keg or the hit the bong or both and cheer the Minnesota team in season. All those scenarios and zilch. You know how frustrating this has been?


Back to the present day and it’s not looking that promising ladies & gents. The Vikes gave us a glimpse of hope but more than likely are done until 2008. The Wolves are years and maybe decades away from anything. The Twins will be without their top two players from last year and the Wild seem to be our only hope for this year. I’m actually fairly convinced Tubby might bring a championship back to this state earlier than the four pro teams. Either way it came to my attention again after the Vikings six straight win wasn’t going to happen that pretty much ended our playoff chances that another sports team that I spend way to much time on crashed & burned. Fucking A. Let’s hope the next 16 years looks like this: 16 years, 5 Conference championship games, & 5 Title’s

I’ll take just one though...

The five other ingredients: The Potatoes, Carrots, Celery, Onions & Tomatoes-

-The Vikings playoff chances rest on us beating Denver and Brad Johnson beating Washington. See you next year.

-The latest Santana trade rumor on mlbtraderumors.com has us backing away from Ian Kennedy and taking Hughes/Cabrera/prospect. I don’t like that. Santana is going to get close to $125 million dollars so I think he deserves to get more than that package in return. Come on Billy, don’t F this up.

- Al Jefferson is averaging more points and rebounds than Kevin Garnett this year. Just thought I’d let you know that. I understand all the reasons why but still? I didn’t expect both.


- Gaborik’s five-goal night was ridiculous. If he can stay healthy we might have something cooking this year. Maybe.

- The Gophers are 8-1 and Dan Coleman is averaging 14 and 6. That’s solid. The last three games Coleman has averaged 22 and 6. The Gophers have been playing some cream puffs but if he can have a good senior year the team has a chance to make the big dance. And I can’t believe I just said that.