"Gourmet" Eats...

In my prime of knowing nothing about cooking (college), I visited a lot of fast food chains. I visited so many that I put together a “Top 10 fast food meals/items” list. It’s embarrassing and a little disgusting, but I thought I’d share my list. It feels a little better writing this when I’m not “four bills” either. I think I dodged the fast food fat ass bullet!! Anyways, I only included classic Fast Food joints that you see in pretty much every city in America. These are obviously up for debate, but here’s my Top 10...

1) McDonald’s Chicken Nuggets: This has been a staple in my life and most of our lives since we first stepped foot in McDonalds. I think this reached Greg Oden, Peyton Manning, Lebron James #1 pick type status in 2003, when McDonalds went to an all white meat chicken nugget. This was a phenomenal move by the most influential restaurant in America, because you really weren’t sure what the dark meat consisted of. This meal with the honey dipping sauce brings me back to my childhood days when I was still pissing in my pants. I miss those days…

2) DQ’s blizzard: I couldn’t go much farther without including this dairy beauty. I really don’t think this one needs much explaining. When’s the last time you were disappointed in a DQ Blizzard? You never walk away unsatisfied. Never.

3) Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Meal: The reason this is so high, because I’ve included the fries. I personally think they have the best fries out of any of the joints out there, even better then McDonald’s. That’s right, I said it. I know that might be hard to wrap your filthy hands around, but it’s true. Some people probably haven’t even tried this delicacy so are probably in a little bit of shock right now, but I recommend you try it now. It’s a great sandwich and it’s one of those sandwiches you eat so fast that you feel like you’re suffocating until you wash it down with a beverage. It’s the same suffocating feeling you have when you eat a ballpark hot dog. You get what I’m talking about now? I bet you do.

4) Arby’s Crispy Chicken Bacon & Swiss: The most underrated sandwich on this list. This is a staple in my Marquette basketball trips we take every year. Like I said before, I don’t eat fast food much anymore, so when I say that I have a countdown (106 days) until I eat another one of these bad boys, I’m not kidding. This has an exceptional sequence of ingredients throughout the whole sandwich. Breaded chicken, Bacon, Swiss cheese topped off with honey mustard sauce. Combine that with the curly fries and you’re in the top 5. It’s that easy.

5) McDonald’s Sausage McMuffin with Egg: The only breakfast item on the list. I included the version with the egg as my 5th item and I’m not even sure why. First off, is it even an egg? Secondly, I always have like two bites and end up picking off the “thing they claim to be an egg” and eating the rest. The logical move would be to order it without the “thing they claim to be an egg,” but again, the key word being logical. Either way, it’s fantastic. Now that they added the McGriddle, you can mix that in as well. Choices, choices…

6) Taco John’s six pack & a pound: This one hurts a lot! I haven’t had Taco John’s in about two years and it kills me! I have to reach back to my small town days for this one. You can always trust to find a Hardees or a Taco Johns in small town America. Bottom Line though: Better tacos then Taco Bell and waaaayyyy better Potato Ole’s then the Bell. House this meal first, then grab a Churo and you won’t leave dissatisfied. You might not fit in your car, but you’ll still be happy.

7) Burger King Whopper: A classic! This has been around forever, but still hits the spot. My only recommendation and probably needs to be said about all of these items, but especially this one, is that this has to be made AFTER you order it. The Whopper is such a popular burger that they usually make about 150 of them and let it sit in that “trusty” food warmer with the really dim light. If they pull the sandwich from that graveyard, you might as well walk out of the place. You’d be better off eating the Chang’s family pet down at Chang Choong’s buffet then eat a rotting Whopper. Trust me. So, order it without tomatoes or extra onions to make sure it’s made to order.

8) Wendy’s Frosty: It is 1.8 miles from the nearest Wendy’s to my house and I have a hard time remembering the last time I didn’t finish my frosty before I pulled into my garage. That’s the best way I can describe it. This also paints a pretty picture on how fast I eat. You think Sloth from the Goonies is fast? Think again. Ruth! Ruth! Baby! Ruth!

9) McDonald’s Big Mac: Another classic. Been around since 1968. I don’t even really eat at McDonalds anymore (surprising, I know) but one thing you can trust is their menu. It’s been the same products for like 40 years. The Big Mac proves this theory, turning 40 next year. It makes the list because I think everyone goes through a Big Mac stage at some point. Kind of like the Bacardi Limon stage you go through when you first start drinking. (Side note: I bet 90% of Bacardi Limon consumption is with people between the ages of 14-19. Think about it.) But who am I kidding? The reason why it’s a top 10 lock is because of the multi platinum hit that went like this: “two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun…”

10) Arby’s Sauce: You can put it on anything. Enough said.