Bucket List

With the new movie “The Bucket List” that just came out, I thought it would be good to take a look at some sports people and what their personal bucket list should look like. If you haven’t seen a promo, “The Bucket List” is about two older gentleman (Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman) who make a list of things they want to do before they “kick the bucket.” It looks OK from my view but is a 100% guarantee that my parents see it. It’s a parent’s movie all the way. Anyways, below is my list right now. Thinking out loud, this could be a running column...

For Sid Hartman to write an informative/news breaking column. He’s 114- years old so he might want to rush this one a bit. Instead of re-writing what Charley Walters of the Pioneer Press said two days prior or re-working an ESPN.com story, maybe a little inside info from the so-called “King of Minnesota sports” would be refreshing. One of Sid’s column headings dated 1-16-08 read: “Yankees officials disagree over asking price for Twins' Santana.” Hmm, no shit! Hank Steinbrenner came out in public at the winter meetings and said the Twins were asking too much. That was over a month ago! Either write something worthy Sid or kick the damn bucket!

For Bill Belichick to dress like an adult male. He’s three weeks away from winning his fourth Superbowl and will be in the conversation for “best coach ever” yet he dresses like the guys taking your used grungy clothes at the Goodwill. Actually, I'm pretty confident that’s where he got he clothes. He used to work those loading docks and dig through bags of 4th & 5th graders clothes and pick out his favorite cut-off hoodie. Now he’s the front man for the best NFL team ever and he hasn’t changed his style. It’s not working Billy.

For Dwight Smith to have one public clean off-season. You can’t expect Mr. Block E to moral up behind close doors in his own privacy but in public isn’t a daunting task to ask is it? Smoke the broccoli, eat a bowl of schroom cereal and rip as many white powdery lines off a broken mirror as you want, but do it in your own house stupid. Christ, invite “too young for you” girls over if you want too. Ok, that’s bad, but he’s going to do it anyways. Just don’t do this stuff in a blacked out Escalade on First Avenue. You get in trouble for that kind of horseplay Dwight.



Staying with the Vikings, for Troy Williamson to catch 100% of the passes thrown to him. I’ve tried to find stats to make sure that he’s not caught every pass thrown his way in a game but I couldn’t find anything. I’m going to go ahead and assume he hasn’t because he blows. My friend Moe after 13 talls can see better than this guy can dead sober. Note: No way he plays for the Vikings next year. NFL Europe here comes another first round bust!

For Spencer Tollackson, Dan Coleman & Lawrence McKenzie to graduate. This one has a very good chance of happening but it can’t happen soon enough. As a trio they are OK Big Ten players. Individually, I don’t really like them. No one really says much about them because they're seniors and this team is lacking in talent so they get a free pass for their average play. Spence dog can’t hit a free throw to save his life. Bank them in tool if you have too---just make a few. Coleman hasn’t gotten better and something is wrong with McKenzie this year. I can’t pinpoint it exactly but the three of them represent the so-so Minnesota athlete that has frequented our roster far too often. Time to go bye-bye.

For the PGA tour players not named Tiger Woods to starting giving Tiger Woods a run. Just one---that’s all I’m looking for. I’m the biggest Tiger fan you’ll find out there and I expect him to win 25+ majors but can one of these guys be a rival? I don’t care who it is, just one polo wearing chump to compete with Tiger in Majors on a consistent basis. Phil? Was late to the game to begin with, won three and then the infamous driver on the 18th at the US Open has set his career back light years. Vijay? Too old. Ernie? Also too old and plays in about eight US tourneys a year. Adam Scott? Young enough but hasn’t broke out. The list goes on & on & on! I thought fruity pants Sergio had the best shot if he would have won the British but he had his hands around his neck on the 18th. Anyways, there are a handful of younger golfers that have some serious talent that it would be great for the game of golf if one of these guys emerges as Tiger’s main competitor.



For Coach Crean of the Marquette Golden Eagles to pull his head of his ass. Stop playing a four-guard front when not one can hit a 15- foot jumper. Maybe dabble in it for five minutes but not for the whole damn game. Case in point: Losing by 20 to Louisville with that special four-guard non-shooting squad you played the whole game. Keep those shooters on the bench floppy top, this isn’t a game about putting the ball in the net or anything...

For Corey Brewer to morph out of a Flamingo and into a homo sapien. That would be a nice change for the Minnesota Timberwolves. It would have been nice if Kevin Mchale and the rest of the scouts would have done a little sizing up of Mr. Brewer prior to the draft. Yeah, it’s a little gay but when you’re doing your sizing up of the fella you would have realized he walks around on chopsticks. If you've been to a game you know what I'm talking about.



For Nick Punto to lay down a successful bunt. You’re a 5 foot nothing professional baseball middle infielder. I think “bunting well” was in the job requirements when you applied for the position. Was that not asked in the interview? I hope we don’t find out in the future that he’s Carl Pohlad’s grandson and we have to suffer through the botched bunts because of this.

Finally, for Randy Moss to never stop talking to the media. I really hope this is on his bucket list. I hope after he retires he makes it a point to speak to a media outlet and say something asinine just to keep us happy. Hearing him talk about the battery charge this week was too good. It doesn’t beat this quote though.