American Idol Smack- Part 2

Here is the recap from last night with the females.

Kristy Lee Cook- aka “Cowgirl” – First of all, WOW! Comes out with some ripped up jeans and a top that is two inches too short for her body which was insanely hot. Luckily for her that she is amazing looking because her performance was about as good as Clemems in the courthouse. Of course she is sick because there is always that top 24 finalist who doesn’t feel well. No sympathy votes from the judges because they lit her up.

Joanne Borgella- aka “MoTown” – She’s wearing very tight clothes and probably shouldn’t be. Simon will tell her eventually to get a better outfit but it’s her first night so he’ll wait until week 2 or 3 to tell her. She sang with confidence but that doesn’t mean she sang well. Simon destroyed her like Pearl Harbor and her parents looked like they wanted to throw Simon off the stage but whatever, it’s Simon and it’s his show so he’ll do whatever he wants.

Alaina Whitaker- aka “Clueless” (from the movie) – She’s 16 and could pass for 26 which probably has gotten a minimum of 10 guys in trouble. It seems to be Teen Idol this year because anybody over the age of 18 has been average to horrendous. All 3 judges looked like they were going to play cracker after her performance but it might be due to the first two women singing like I would after 21 beers, 4 shots and a tall morgan coke to cap off the night. I shouldn’t say it but she’s pretty good looking. I won’t be guy number 10 in jail due to her looks though, trust me.

Amanda Overmyer- aka “Wednesday Adams” – She came straight from her cult meeting and looks like she might have some cocaine in her cross chain “Cruel Intentions” style. She might be the best performer but she is very different and doesn’t have the absolute beauty which of course will shy voters away in this popularity contest. I think I’ve seen her at 1st Ave in the crowd but maybe on stage soon.

Amy Davis- aka “B-Davis” (inside joke about OTH) – Randy was “keepin it real” with her when saying she was very mediocre. The crowd of course boos Randy and tells the audience that he has to “keep it real”. Yeah, that’s your job Randy! Anyway, she’s got that country singer voice in her but I don’t see the judges or voters liking yet another female country singer. We’ve been there, done that already with this show so unless she changes her twang she’ll be singing “Leaving on a Jet Plane” real quick.

Brooke White- aka “NutJob”– She reminds me of Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill so that made me hate her immediately. I couldn’t even watch her because of hatred towards Peyton. It was like Britney Spears, it was great at times and dog shit at other times. The judges obviously didn’t watch her either because their responses were one of those where the fans don’t have a sniff if they liked the performance or not. I’m done with her already and hope she is booted week 1.

Alexandrea Lushington- aka “Paula Abdul circa 1988” – She came out dressed like Erkel and looks like him as well. She had more energy than a bull after it gets neutered so there definitely was enthusiasm. Paula and Randy loved it and we had a “hot one” but Simon said it was like a terrible show. How the fuck do these 3 judges disagree to the utmost on the same performance? They’ve only been doing this for 7 years now but the 3 judges can never agree. Whatever, she’s good and Simon can suck my pole.

Kady Malloy- aka “Barely Legal” – She’s 18!!! There is a guy out there who is really pissed off that he broke up with this blonde bombshell. She is off the charts looking and that will get her into the top 10 fo sho. She be gettin that fo sho! Judges hated her but who cares. The fans vote and there are some dudes who vote and can assure you that 100% of the male voters will put a vote in for her. Kady is comin!!!

Asia’h Epperson aka “J’son Stamper” – Why the fuck do some African Americans decide it’s cool to completely fuck with normal names? Are you kidding me with this shit? She spells her name fucked up but her singing is nothing short of spectacular. She has fun and has her own personality which is real for me and believable. The one issue besides the spelling of her name was the hoop earings she was rocking. It looked like she had a damn basketball hoop hanging from her ear. Pick it up Idol dresser.

Ramiele Malubay aka “Asian Persuasion” – That name deserves one big thank you to her parents. She was one of those that just did her thing and was solid. She will be consistently on top like Ron Jeremy and that’s a damn good thing. Judges were a bit surprised by her performance and I hope she can keep it up because I really like Ramiele (luckily I’m not saying that on the air because no clue how to pronounce that name).

Syesha Mercado- aka “Cans” – She is tall, skinny with a fro but she has some large EYES if you get my gist. You can tell she is full of talent and is very happy to be on stage. Her smile is worth a million bucks and after seeing Paula give her conclusion, she will be crying for Syesha later in the season for sure. I got her finishing on top….Yes, in this contest, you sick pigs.

Carly Smithson- aka “Asterisk” – After seeing all these young women, Carly strolls out at 24 years of age looking like she’s been singing since 1933. Experience helped her because I thought she took criticism the best from Simon and the judges have influence on the voters if you haven’t noticed that yet. It was 2 against 1 yet again with Simon thinking Carly is overrated but Randy and Paula loved her. She might be too old for this years Teen Idol.

Overall, the women weren’t great in my mind. The guys definitely have the stronger singers up and down and more top prospects as well. Several ladies have the appearance to be the next American Idol but they better step up their game quickly. Like our loyal reader Finn would say, “big time players make big time plays in big time games”.