Wednesday, November 7, 2007

A-Z on Duke Basketball



With the best college basketball program in the nation about to start another historic season on Friday, it’s time for my A-Z list on these Blue Devils. Some are positive, some are negative and some are just overall comments on Duke Basketball. Mostly positive though because I love them. And since my blog partner Dogg ripped them in a post called “Hate,” I needed to respond. So, here’s a big F.U. to you D ole Double G…

Readers note: This has some, I mean a lot of explicit language throughout it. I was fired up so I added some much needed cusses. If you don’t like it, I apologize.


A- All- Americans. As in McDonald’s All- Americans. Yes, Duke has an advantage because they get plenty of McDonald’s All-Americans, but Coach K built this program up to this status. I love watching the East vs. West game and finding out who’s coming in for the next year. It’s like the thrill of opening Christmas presents. “What did I get this year? Oh, a 6’4 combo guard that averaged 34/8/7 in high school. Thanks Dad!” My other writing buddy Dogg once said: “Duke has McDonald’s All-Americans on their intramural team.” Funniest line I’ve ever heard.

B- Best. Like I just said in my intro, they’re the best basketball program in the country. Simple as that.

C- Cameron Crazies. Can you name any other arena where they give their students a full side of lower level seats? I can’t. I’m surprised more universities don’t do this. Most Universities stick the drunks under one basket. Not at Duke. Nope, the other players have to deal with getting harassed by a bunch of psycho’s with blue afro’s standing five feet away from them down the whole court. This is very underrated advantage in my opinion.


D- Durham- This city sucks. I’ve been in this area and Duke University is about it for Durham, NC. Chapel Hill blows this city out of the water, which makes Durham look even worse since they are like seven miles apart. You know those stupid Calvin & Hobbs stickers you see mostly on trucks driven by rednecks with three teeth where the little shithead is peeing on something? This applies with this. Chapel Hill is that Calvin & Hobbs sticker taking a wiz on Durham. Besides the basketball program all it really has is a reference in the greatest baseball movie ever. So, it’s got Duke Basketball and Bull Durham. Great but your city still sucks.

E- Easy non-conference schedule. Another bashing point for the haters. “I hate Duke because they don’t play anyone until the conference play and if they do it’s always home or on a neutral floor.” All true. But very smart. So Michigan State gets this “valuable” experience by playing multiple top 25 teams in its non-conference schedule then gets the 6th seed out West in Sacramento. Awesome! You’ll have 11 fans watching you. On the other hand Duke plays in a tough enough conference to get tested by good competition and then ends up with a high seed close to home. You pick which is better….

F- Fuck Duke. The most commonly used phrase in all of college basketball. “Rock Chalk Jayhawk” is a distance second. I can’t tell you how many “Fuck Duke’s” I’ve heard over my lifetime when watching a game at a home, a bar, or anywhere. I’d guess Millions.

G- Gerald Henderson, Jr. Any other day then February 6th, 2008 I would love to be Gerald Henderson, Jr. A D1 basketball player with jersey chasers all over your grill. Not a bad life. However, on 2/6/08, Mr. Henderson goes back for the first time to Chapel Hill where the last time he was there, he broke Player of the Year candidate Tyler Hansbrough’s nose. They are going to be pumped up to destroy him in any way possible. Players throwing elbows and fans chucking coins isn’t out of the question. Who am I kidding, I would love to be Gerald any day of the year…


H- History of the Blue Devil Mascot. It’s really not that cool of a story. But according to Wikipedia it goes like this: The student newspaper, the Trinity Chronicle launched a campaign to create a new mascot. The Trinity Chronicle editor narrowed the many nominations down to those that utilized the school colors of dark blue and white. The narrowed list consisted of Blue Titans, Blue Eagles, Polar Bears, Blue Devils, Royal Blazes and Blue Warriors. They picked Blue Devils…Sweet. I always think that a school’s name means something. Sometimes it does, but mostly it’s some stupid contest like this.

I- Intensity. Duke plays with a great level of intensity. That could be the most cliché statement of all time and could be said about a lot of clubs. But Duke does get after it. I call this Intensity. Others? They go with “annoying” or “pesky” or “fucking stupid.” The Blue Devils do play with a in your face at all times type of basketball. I like this intensity because it irritates the hell out of the other team. In the end it forces bad decisions.
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J- J.J. Redick. Admit it, he was fun to watch? Also admit that even if you despised him, that if he happened to pick your favorite college basketball program instead of Duke’s you would have been the absolute biggest Redick fan out there. I will argue this with anyone. You can’t tell me as a sports fan you wouldn’t like a three-point assassin on your team who would kill a run single handily and tell the other team about it all the way down the court. Some guys just deserve to be full-time college players. J.J. was one of them. Can they bring him back? Make this happen please.


K- Coach K. The best basketball coach on the planet. Even though he doesn’t need to prove it, he will when USA Basketball wins Gold next year in Beijing.


L- Laettner, Christian. “The Shot.” You can see it again in this youtube clip here

M- My roommates. They both despise Duke basketball. They both hate them like most people hate them. It’s always “fuck Duke” and “fucking Duke sucks.” Side note: I put my guess in the millions for the “fuck duke’s” because of these two clowns. They say it 30-40 times an hour. So, when Duke’s making a run, I love watching them squirm in their seats with scowls on their faces.

N- North Carolina. One of the main reasons why I love Duke basketball. It’s part of the best rivalry in all of sports with North Carolina as the enemy. You can argue some of the other big rivalries like New York/Boston, Michigan/Ohio State, and even Colts/Patriots are better, but they aren’t. In the three I just mentioned I feel that “non-supportive” fans when watching the games don’t have a strong opinion of either side. At least I don’t. Side note on “non-supportive.” I couldn’t think of a better word, but I mean that I don’t live in these home states and I’m not a die-hard supporter of these teams. I’m a sports fan watching someone else’s teams. For example: I just watched the Colts/Patriots game and was rooting for the Colts to win. However, I’m not set on the Colts. I’m not crushed if they lose. But...Duke/North Carolina? Every fan and every “non-supportive” fan has a very strong opinion on which team they are rooting for. You can’t root for both with Duke or North Carolina. If you do, you deserve to be banned from watching sports anymore.


O- One seeds. Since 86’ they have 10 number one seeds in the March Madness tournament. That is what I call impressive! To unleash my inner Billy Bob…A 10…a 10…a fucking 10!

P- Pro Basketball. Always the running joke: “They might be good college players but they don’t do shit in the pros.” I think this is starting to change amigos. The current players who are impact pros: Boozer, Brand, Battier, Duhon, Dunleavey, Deng, Maggette, and Grant Hill. Redick and Sheldon Williams are too early to tell. See, it’s changing…

Q- Quiz. What team has the best basketball program in the nation? (Answer in “B” section).

R- Referee’s. For calling the most fair games every time Duke plays. I’m still astounded on the consistency of the referee’s when they officiate a Duke game. Hat’s off to you gentleman…

S- Sweet 16. In the last 25 years, they’ve made it to the “Sweet 16” or farther 17 times. Nine of those have come in the last ten years. It’s almost a foregone conclusion that you’re watching Duke basketball in the second weekend. Not too shabby.

T- TV- Duke is on network television 20 times this year. 20 out of their 28 games are on network television! Ridics! So even the networks understand that they are a great draw. Even though this post might say otherwise, the Gophers are still my favorite college team. I’m a homer so they still get the #1 seed. However, watching Dan Monson’s pathetic squads took a hit in my support for the program. I still knew if they won or lost for every game, but was un-focused on them. Not anymore. We have Tubby!

Anyways, the point is that the Gophers get four games on network television this year. Since I don’t have the Big Ten Network, this is going to suck. The 20 games that Duke has will ease my pain…

U- Unduly Excited. I’m talking about the color announcers for college basketball. I’m actually only talking about “Dukie V” as some say. I don’t know why I like him because the “babies” get a little old but I still do. I love his love for the game. You can’t deny that. Just for the hell of it.... I’m looking forward to the Diaper Dandy Kyle Singler kid from Duke Baby!! He’s going to be a straight PTP’er baby!! A high riser baby!! Look for him to eat up that cupcake city non-conference schedule baby!! This kid is going to be a surf and turfer baby!!


V- VCU. After they beat Duke last year to knock them out of the tourney in the first round, they pranced around like people cared about them. We don’t. You guys still blow and you will be lucky to hear you name on ESPN in the next 20 years. Anything less then 20, consider yourself fortunate.

W- Wojciechowski. He’s a queer. Even I hated this tool. How about you slap the floor again you hank?

X- X-Factor. To move away from a generalization of the program and focusing on this years squad, I think Greg Paulus is the X-factor. Including him, they have seven McDonald’s All-Americans on their team (remember this when people say they’re going to suck this year), so all Greggy needs to do is penetrate the lane and dish. He does this and trust me, the six other McDonald’s All-Americans are going to hit the open J’s.


Y- Youth. The only hiccup to Duke’s 30 win season is if their youth plays…like youth! The three freshman: Singler, Smith and King are all going to see big minutes. Add that to sophomore starters Scheyer and Henderson and you have a very young team. It’s a young league with the NBA draw, but this is still fairly young. Like I said, Paulus is the x-factor.

Z- Zoubek, Brian. I lucked out here. Easily the hardest letter to fill and this hank is on the Duke Basketball team. They need to do a Minnesota Twins “Get to know them” campaign for this monster. Basically, he’s one of those white stiffs (7’1) that dominates six foot three centers in high school but is horrible in college. He’s that guy. Averaged 24 and 12 in high school and 3 and 2 at Duke last year. He didn’t play a whole lot but he played in every game. His bio says: “He’s looking to make more of an impact this year.” No shit. I love Duke, but I hate players like this. Gets a free ride because of genes. Not fair.

Out,

Fuzz





7 comments:

Fitzy Fresh said...

Make that a million and one: F Duke

Anonymous said...

Here is another use for the letter "Z".

The sound in a room when watching Duke "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Boring!!

Oh and F Duke

Your little Brother. said...

You're a duke lover? Only douchebags root for the cocky team on top that isn't in their home state. You might as well love USC football, the New York Yankees, the New England Patriots, the Los Angeles Lakers and the Pittsburgh Penguins. The way I see it you can be a diehard fan for your home state team and thats it. The rest of the games you're an innocent bystander. You can watch the games, you can even hope a certain team wins, but you would never defend them with a blog post or go down on their coach. Not only do you do that you then defend Duke of all teams? C'mon man.

Stever said...

Little bro should shut his pie-hole. Let the man speak his mind. It even made me laugh a bit because my roomates are huge UNC fans and I only root for duke and buy Duke apparrel to ruffle the feathers a bit (However, I must be careful because one of the said roomates owns our 57" HDtv). You must respect the Duke program for what it has done in the past 15+ years. All of the nationally televised games that Duke plays have a chance to be an "Instant Classic." I love watching those games because there will be a couple thirteen fourteen plays that will be vying for spots on SportsCenter's Top Ten Plays that night. My TIVO will be getting a workout during these games. The younger (wannabe) Fuzz is a Big-shot, Small-fry.

Chosman said...

LetsGoDuke! LetsGoDuke! LetsGoDuke! Great piece here. I'm glad to see you shut Dogg up. Even though they've had their string of white douchebags as "stars" lately, Duke basketball reigns atop the college world.

Dogg said...

If you think this article is going to make me shut up about Duke basketball, you're f'n crazy. I have a strong passion for Duke basketball....HATE! All Duke fans and players can suck my fat jerome.

Anonymous said...

WOW, How did they let you write this on a site with 2 DUKE haters. Fuzz Dukes time is over and done with. UNC with Roy boy is on the top and Duke has no shot. The 90's is all you DUKE fans hold on too. Its the 2000's buddy. As for Reddick, I will take Gerry McNamara over him any day.

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